Getting a good job or ANY job to go NC?

[MarlenaEve]

Hi all.

I posted about this topic here some time ago and I think I'm still not decided about it. (the ACON mind is torturing me atm)

The ONLY thing that stands between me and going NC with NM and EF is a job. Everyone needs a job, in general, to survive or even thrive and, especially now in the covid times. I get that. But it's been a year of sending job applications and nothing happened.

My field is a bit out there (content writing) and the competition is so high that I truly believe only the best in the field get these positions. I know my field is highly competitive (same as filmmakers and screenwriters-only the best go to the top) but I can't understand why I have nothing, even a small lead. 

Anyway, I decided to change my approach and just get ANY job so I sent an email to a care center and they called me immediately and now I have an interview lined up for next week.

If I get this job (I'm pretty sure I'll get it), it will be very hard work for little money (that's how salaries are in my country, unfortunately if I wanna work here for a while I need to accept that) so I'm pretty sure I'll burn out after a while of working there.

BUT this job can give me the distance I need from FOO and the courage to go NC.

NC is my ultimate goal and sincerely, nothing in this world can truly make me happy now. My depression has gotten worse since living with FOO.

I wake up really late-at about 11am or 12 just to avoid dealing with these people. (FOO is very sensitive and vocal in the morning and they can get abusive during this time-I don't know why, it is their pattern).

What would you do if you were in my situation? Get any job, even though you'll get little money and won't have much time for rest and leisure, or just put up with your FOO a little more and wait to find a better job, with better pay that won't require so much of you? (basically, a job that you like and pays a decent salary)

You might ask, but why do you need to get this kind of jobs? Because that's the experience I have and when applying for any other jobs, I get rejected out of lack of experience. I wish we lived in a world where job experience is not a requirement to get hired and doing a good job. The world would be much better, I think.

Any advice or any thoughts would be highly appreciated.

[Andeza]

I would take any job and get out, then keep applying for better things. Nothing says you have to stay at a job for a long time. It's actually proven to be more lucrative in the long term to change jobs fairly frequently.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm with Andeza. If I was stuck in a house with PDmom or PDmil, I would take just about any job if it got me out.

[moglow]

Me? I'd take that and any other available jobs to get back out and independent of mommie dearest asap. Rest and leisure be damned - I'd get more of that just being away from mine and her incessant negativity!  I wouldn't be nearly as tired or depressed, plus there's the obvious distraction of working and being separated from it that way.

Look for roommates, rooms to rent, affordable housing for now and build up from there, but make it happen for yourself. That alone would likely help you more than you think. There's not one thing wrong with baby steps to get you where you eventually want to be.

[Tundra Woman]

Depends on your priorities/what you personally value: The intangible (your mental health/escaping abuse/self-respect etc.) or the tangible (must be a position commensurate with and compensated according to your education.)

I can come up with about a million reasons why I terminated the relationship with my biomugger while I was in undergrad and not working. I prioritized my sanity, got an unlisted phone number, sent her a quick "see ya" note, (back in the days of snail mail only,) immediately dumped any further correspondence from her thereafter unopened/unread, applied for and received academic scholarships and found any minimum wage job I could find, often two of them to pay for my crappy apartment in a non-gentrified area aka a ghetto.

I don't believe anyone  who has NC'd has ever been 100% certain about their decision at the time they did it. Interestingly I have yet in my wandering around IRL or in cyberspace come across anyone who NC'd and was agonizing, self-flagellating, in a crisis of Identity etc. that inevitably accompanies the period *proximate* to NC.

There's never gonna be a perfect time to NC, my friend.

This is about you and your health, your values and using your adult agency/autonomy.
Your decision entirely.

[Thru the Rain]

Best advice I ever got was to start with a job (any job) and say Yes to opportunities from there.

I think in the long run your mental health will benefit from having the option to move away from your parents. Just having that choice might make your situation more bearable until you're able to move out.

[Boat Babe]

Totally agree. There's jobs and there's a career in your chosen field. They can be the same but not always.  You need to decide what is most important to you: career progression or moving away from your parents. Write a list of pros and cons. Project yourself into the future, six months, a year, five years down the line. Where do you want to be? Also, journal to find what may be blocking you making the best decision. Probably some toxic combo of FOG.

Wishing you joy and peace.

[MarlenaEve]

Thanks, guys, I am going to journal about it-thanks, Boat Babe. I think it is FOG that terrifies me to take this decision. Guilt for living with them now and then moving out, getting a job and leaving them in the dark and later, going NC. It is definitely the guilt that stops me or makes me less enthusiastic about getting out.

Moglow-there's nothing wrong with baby steps to get you where you wanna be. I think you have touched on a sensitive topic.

Taking baby steps for me is hard because I usually take BIG steps. Last time I was living with PDs full-time, I got out by moving abroad with a Master's degree. It was the most amazing thing I have ever done and it feels as if now I am regressing, taking a low-paying job in my country and having to do something else for a while until I can make my creative career work. I do believe taking big steps comes from a mentality of not being good enough. NM always praised me for having this degree in this country or this job in this country and would brag to anyone about it. However, she'd often criticize me for doing a 'shitty' job because I had to get the best one out there.

Narcs project their own unresolved issues onto you. While PD mom criticized me for having x job in x country, she was sitting on her ass in my country doing absolutely nothing and expecting money from the government.

Anyway, I appreciate all your help and suggestions.

[moglow]

There is NOTHING shitty about doing your best whatever the situation and her judgments be damned!  We all work with what we have at any given point in time. Baby steps are still movement, progress. Even in the midst of my own cha-chas I have to remind myself of the progress made. New tools for my toolbox, new knowledge, polishing the old, learning things etc. It doesn't matter what she or anyone else. thinks

[MarlenaEve]

There is NOTHING shitty about doing your best whatever the situation and her judgments be damned!  We all work with what we have at any given point in time. Baby steps are still movement, progress. Even in the midst of my own cha-chas I have to remind myself of the progress made. New tools for my toolbox, new knowledge, polishing the old, learning things etc. It doesn't matter what she or anyone else. thinks

Thank you, moglow. Her programming goes really deep. And this comes from a woman who never had a job she loved and she's currently without a job, depending on her spouse financially. Narcs accuse you of exactly what they feel it's wrong with them.