Got my Masters, Nmom didnt bother to tune in.

[starshine23]

So yesterday I graduated with my Masters!  The school had a livestream of the event due to covid.  I posted the link to the livestream on Facebook so friends and family could tune in.  Nmom commented on the link, "good thing I looked at Facebook today, or I wouldn't have known about this."  I responded that I was going to text her the link, but it was easier to just click on it on facebook when the time came to which she replied "I would have preferred a personal invite."  Hmmm... Okay.  I deleted her comments.  I didn't need them mucking up a feed that was otherwise filled with congratulations.

So the next day she sent me many texts complaining about her health.  No mention of me graduating.  Then when I posted pics from my graduation she immediately commented a half a dozen times on each photo.  Just irrelevant drivel, never once congratualting me.  One comment was that I looked like a "ninja nun" in my cap, gown and mask.  Gee, thanks?  So I texted her to see if she watched the livestream.  First she said she did.  Then she said she didn't because "she didnt know about it." 

I lost it.  I told her I was sick of her lying and just really let loose on all my pent up anger.  I'm sure she was delighted.  She got a big reaction out of me on a special day where she wasn't receiving enough attention.

I blocked her on facebook.  I blocked her on my phone.   I just want to enjoy my life without being tortured by her.

My in laws and husbands aunt sent me cards.  My parents sent me... nothing for my graduation. 

Why do I continue to be surprised by their crappiness?  I wish I never had to speak to her again.

[Boat Babe]

Congratulations on your Master's degree. You should be very proud of yourself and I am glad that you do have people that can share in your achievement.

Then there's your mother.  Yes, PDs will always fuck up your special day. Yes, they will make it all about yourself. Yes, they will go out of their way to hurt you because you have dared to be successful.

I am really sorry this has happened. Take a break from her for a bit and give yourself some well deserved respite

[square]

Congratulations!! What an accomplishment!!



Your mother can step off.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Congratulations on your graduation. I hope you can take a moment to recognize and appreciate this accomplishment and all your great skills that have brought you so far.   
     
I am sorry your Nmom is unable to participate in the celebration of the occasion. It seems they have a way of doing that or that seeing us happy and successful is threatening to the views they hold onto so tightly. I believe her reaction or lack thereof is not any way related to your great accomplishment.     

[Sneezy]

Congratulations on getting your masters degree!  What an awesome accomplishment!

Your mom can't stand the fact that you are getting some well-deserved attention and pats on the back.  She is like a toddler at someone else's birthday party, wondering why she isn't getting presents.  Ugh, I hope you continue to ignore her and focus on your own well-being.  Take care!

[moglow]

 
Congratulations!! We'll adopt ya - very proud of your accomplishment here!!

[Iguanagos]

Congratulations!  What a great accomplishment!  A lot of hard work went into that degree.  Their inability to just simply congratulate you says everything about them and nothing about you.  I'm sorry that you don't have family that can properly honor your important accomplishments.  You deserve so much better.

[Jolie40]

Congratulations!

[Call Me Cordelia]

That's really stinky that your parents are like that, starshine. Of course you deserve better.

Big congratulations on earning a Master's degree! I think when people from unsupportive families succeed, it's an even greater achievement than it is on the face of it. We applaud you and are proud of what you achieved. And I'm proud of you for giving yourself a break from mom and taking time to celebrate with those who can celebrate you.

[Cat of the Canals]

Ugh, PDmom totally does the "commenting irrelevant drivel" on everything I post on social media. Ninja nun even sounds like one of her little "jokes". 

Screw your mom (and mine, too). But more importantly: HUGE CONGRATS on graduating!

[SunnyMeadow]

"good thing I looked at Facebook today, or I wouldn't have known about this."  I responded that I was going to text her the link, but it was easier to just click on it on facebook when the time came to which she replied "I would have preferred a personal invite."

This sucks!! I've heard this crap my entire life. I guess they see themselves as Queens on their pedestals who must be personally informed before everyone else.

I'm glad you blocked her all over. She doesn't deserve your time and attention. Enjoy the time out from her and I hope you don't have to talk to her again. Maybe you'll decide life is better without her game playing.

Congratulations on your Masters degree! 

[Hepatica]

starshine23 - I am taking a moment to step in to say:

What you have accomplished is testament to grit, smarts, commitment, power and so many more great and wonderful qualities. Well DONE! Congratulations! You are amazing! 


AND: You did it swimming upstream WITH baggage!!!  That's not easy. So you are extra strong special and amazing.

I'm sorry she didn't give you what you truly deserved. I know it hurts. It hurts bad.

It took me a long time to find something that made me feel unique and good, and when I did receive some accolades for it, my Nparents and Nsister ignored it completely. My Nsister even pointed out that I looked old next to the other students - because I went back to school in my forties. She also went on and on about her illnesses and ruined the feeling of joy I had by acting jealous that I had achieved something. It was horrible. Nothing like people trying to drag you back into the pit they're in. Ugh.

What you're doing by blocking and sitting with those difficult feelings is ultimately healthy. If you keep in contact they can really mess up certainty and slowly inject doubt into us. Surround yourself with people who really want you to succeed. Keep negatrons far, far away.

You have great things to offer this world. Go out and do them!

[Hilltop]

Congratulations. What a great achievement and accomplishment.

This is typical of N's.  They will try to sabotage and ruin any good moment in your life.  The sad thing is, its not even about you.  Its about them.  You achieving success is an injury to their ego so they will lash out or try to dampen your success.  It doesn't fit their narrative of you or makes them envious so they aren't happy.  They don't enjoy seeing you getting all that attention.

It took me a long time to realise that my mother didn't like it when I did something successful.  I really believe now that it simply doesn't go along with what she thinks of me in her head.  To her I am difficult, lazy etc.  So if I do something good she can't accept it and I have seen her do similar things such as putting me down shortly after I was successful or actively trying to sabotage a nice occasion for me.  I now longer include her or let her near me.

Its normal to want to share and enjoy your success in life with those close to you.  Unfortunately with N's you can't.  So keep succeeding and enjoy the good things you will achieve in life. 

[blacksheep7]

Congrats!

What an accomplishment!

As for your M, she sux big time...... she doesn't deserve you.

[Sheppane]

Congratulations 👏👏 fabulous achievement !!!!
I'm sorry what you had to deal with from your Mom. I find it very sad when I realise the ignoring is because its not about them.  The people in my life who are my cheerleaders truly feel huge happiness for my achievements- thats what it feels like in a healthy relationship. This type of thing is very difficult,  and painful and I know I always need to look after the hurt part first .....and then turn the focus on my own happiness and celebrating with people who want to see / hear me.

You were heard here ! Congrats!!!!!!

[chowder]

My mother was far from my cheerleader also.  I remember she didn't attend my bridal shower.   Not only that, she didn't even send a gift.  Some people there wondered if I even *had* a mother.  Thankfully the in-laws and friends were welcoming and accepting. 

Congratulations on your masters degree!  You are capable of anything, and you will do well with or without your mom.  Too bad she doesn't realize that.  You will move forward and accomplish great things!

[Dandelion]

Sounds familiar starshine.

I got a tatty card when I finished my degree from my English university 35 years ago, nothing else, not even an in face congratulations.  It was never mentioned again!  Oh except to scream at me once in an argument 'I suppose you think your better than everyone now'  .  She's never asked and doesn't know what it's "in".  A friend of hers asked her recently, so she asked me in turn.  I was her only child so it's not like it's hard to keep tabs!!

Demanding "special treatment" re. the Facebook "invite" - just typical.  And making your event, tragedy or special occasion all about them.  That stupid supposed "joke" about your appearance, how rude, and even spiteful when you think about it.  It's all about them <sigh>.

Congratulations!!  What an achievement.

[MarlenaEve]

Starshine,

Congratulations on this amazing milestone! 
This is something to be proud of. Pat yourself on the back because it will feel good. You've done well in spite of being pulled down in life by an obnoxious, narcissistic maternal presence. I sometimes think we, ACONs forget that we are very resilient and manage to succeed at life in spite of this grey cloud that is constantly raining down on us.

Secondly, good for you for blocking NM. You can see a narcissist's true nature when: something great happens to you (a major event like a graduation or a baby or a wedding), when something bad happens to you (illness) or something happens in the family (eg a breakup or a loss). Narcs don't react to emotional events like the others react. I noticed that they truly have no feelings. They don't grieve, don't celebrate, don't feel joy, especially for someone else's happiness (not that they'd feel joy for something good that happens to them).

There was a video where the coach explained why narcissists don't have the normal emotions we all have. I think that, because their empathy level is limited, their emotions are limited as well. Isn't that true that in order to feel (for yourself and others) you need to have a certain level of empathy?

Anyway, I hope you're OK and that NC or VLC (not sure whats your boundary) goes well for you.

[athene1399]

Congrats!!!! Sorry for mom reacted the way she did. Try not to let her ruin your special day and your accomplishment.

[MIB]

Congratulations about earning your Masters. !!!!You should be very proud of yourself. 

My guess is that there's jealousy on your mother's part. My mother,  too,  missed or otherwise ruined many milestones in my life, and I truly think that's what I think it boiled down to. 

All said,  if she's jealous... good.  Screw her.
Live your life,  accomplish many more great things,  and don't give a crap if she appreciates them or not (because we all know the outcome there).

❤