The arrogance...

[Bunnyme]

Just had to share with those who will understand why seemingly kind gestures make me 

I got a message from uNBPDstbx thanking me for all that I do...how it must be so hard...and how he is still there for me if I need to talk about it. 

 

As I've learned more about PDs, I can see it for the sad gesture it is.  Still, I had a "maybe I am just so petty, I cant see how he has changed" moment.  Trying hard to break that pattern. 

I didnt respond, as much as I want to scream "I dont need your support, I need you to actually pay CHILD support!" 
It took a long time to come to the realization that no matter what I say, I'll never get the response I want.

[blunk]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I got a lot of that from my bpdxh while we were going through the divorce process. At one point he showed up during a snowstorm (without calling) because he was sure that I wouldn't be able to handle using the snow blower...just as I was finishing the job.

There was also a lot of, I hope we can be friends, you're the only person I can rely on, I never wanted it to come to this, etc. Except that it was also mixed with, I don't know why I wasted my time with you, you're a b**** and a c***, I hate you, etc.

You're not being petty at all. You know that actions mean a lot more than words, and all he is offering are words. And if he is anything like my x, the next set of words may well contradict what he said this time. Of course, during this time I bit my tongue, as I did not want to give him any reason to make the divorce even more difficult.

Fortunately, once the divorce was final, I was able to tell him that I did not want his help or friendship, and I was able to go fully NC. I know your situation is different as you have a child together, but I hope that you are able to eventually reduce your communication to only what is necessary and find some peace.

[ploughthrough2021]

I assume that you are now physically apart.  If so, just appreciate that you don't have to see or deal with him everyday.  I am not quite there yet with why stbx uNPDw so there are days when she's at the house when I am just depressed... Like this couple of days

[Bunnyme]

Ploughthrough, yes, thankfully.  We have been separated for almost a year and a half.

[ploughthrough2021]

Ploughthrough, yes, thankfully.  We have been separated for almost a year and a half.

Freedom is priceless !

[JustKeepTrying]

I get this.  That seemingly kind gesture or text or email and when you don't respond with the appropriate appreciation, the nasty followup.

You are right.  It is sad and you are not petty.  You are human and looking at your own actions like normal people do.

[notrightinthehead]

I hope you keep that message.  It is a document showing that he appreciates your input. In other words, he acknowledges that you do a lot.  Might be handy later on. When you need to prove that he knows how much more you do for the kids.

You are not petty. You are realistic. You have decided to live in reality, not fairy tale land.  As any good mother should do.