BM finally on leash, now MIL starts.....

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BM finally on leash, now MIL starts.....
« on: June 12, 2021, 05:58:11 PM »
I post on the other forums, and in regards to issues with BM, court went well.   The judge handed her her hat and BF is going to reunification therapy with SS next week.  BM was told by judge that she (The judge) no longer wants to hear about me, I am of no basis to the custody and have nothing to do with the custody of SS.  BM had nothing to say, had to admit in court that she has been vacationing and leaving SS with sitters, yet claims she is broke and needs more CS.

BUT OF COURSE, I’m venting about another issue.  BF’s family lives out of state.  I met them a few times and it seemed good, although parents seemed stressed.  We found out during this custody thing that his mom and BM were sending xmas cards and mom had been lying about it.

Mom once had a fight with BF (She was VERY rude to me once and he confronted her) and said she didn’t like me, he can do better and I’m just another BM.  He stuck up for me and put her in her place,  told her "You are wrong.  Christy is the ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE OF BM."   She apologized, used the excuse for her rudeness that her feet hurt and said she was worried she would “lose him again” now that he is in another relationship.  (She and BM had a huge fight after wedding and BF didn’t speak to them until after the divorce).

Fast forward to this week.  His mom has moved in a man 20 years her junior, he has no job, no money, no car. He got arrested for drunk driving and mom is now saying “all cops are corrupt” and that they put alcohol in his car just to arrest him.  I know some cops are bad, but this kind of talk is just ridiculous.

BF has been arguing with mom about this for a few days (whole family has been keeping this from him) when she turned it around on me, saying, “Are you with Christy?” “Yes,” then she starts on how she doesn’t want me knowing her personal business and I am not part of the family (Yet this guy is?)

BF stuck up for me and they had a huge fight, he saying he wanted nothing to do with his family.  I told him he can't stop talking to them.  We called a friend who is a social worker who said to not worry about it, mom is not going to change, make boundaries, the issue is about mom and her drama, not me and for us not to get dragged into her drama, that BF expressed to mom  how he feels about that man living with her and now it's up to her to deal with it.  She also said when she calls BF and inquires if I'm there to say, "Yes she's here, I consider her part of the family and if you don't like that I'm going to hang up."

Last night she called and apologized saying I am good for him and she has a hard time opening up to women as she had a bad relationship with her mom, no I love you, etc.  She said she hoped she didn’t ruin things for us.  He told her that we are a team, I help him with BM, he is a much stronger man because of me and I encourage him with BM, SS and his relationship with them.

The social worker said is seems like mom is like BM, and he needs to go to therapy alone (Without me) to “Get out of the cycle of abuse” and deal with his issues with mom.  BF agreed to realizing similarities of the two. 

Still reeling after this.  Not sure if all of this drama is worth it.  I kind of makes me upset that after all of this crap with BM, the dragging of my reputation in court and I am not considered part of the family.   It never ends!
« Last Edit: June 12, 2021, 06:03:56 PM by Christy22 »



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Re: BM finally on leash, now MIL starts.....
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2021, 09:23:14 PM »
Hi Christy22,
It's good to hear about the court and things calming a bit with the PD Bio Mom. It's important to take breaks and keep your life separate as much as you can from that of your BF's family and ex. These kind of cycles tend to repeat and it is a good time now to create places for you away from that chaos and also for you and your BF alone. You need to heal as well from all you've been going through and not take on more of his life and family stress.
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
-Mother Jones
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.



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Re: BM finally on leash, now MIL starts.....
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2021, 10:16:04 AM »

That is great news on the reunification therapy. I hope it helps.

MIL sounds like a lot to deal with. I am so sorry this is going on. I do find it interesting that she calls you “another BM” yet she exchanges Christmas cards with her, so she can’t think she’s that bad lol It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I would try not to worry about MiL and give yourself distance from her. It sounds like BF isn’t buying her BS and that is all that matters IMO. Give yourself time for self care or fun things. This has been a difficult time for you.