Just a reminder that they don’t change

[Sidney37]

I got a new cell phone recently.  PDm had been blocked for well over a year, almost 2.  I didn't even think about checking to see if the block transferred over - it didn't.   It took just 2 days to get an email from PDm to attempt to guilt trip me. 

The final straw that led to our NC several years ago was an email telling me that enD was going to kill himself (with graphic details) and it was all my fault because I wasn't talking to them (I was only calling once a week, not the demanded twice a day).  This email was to tell me that enD was going to starve to death from stress because I'm not talking to them.  No apology.  No attempt at being nice.  Just another your dad is going to die and it's all your fault. 

PDs never change.  It's always just more of the same.  I'm glad I'm here and know not to fall for the guilt trip.

[Sidney37]

Oh... she's now blocked again.  I did it immediately.

[moglow]

Yeah I found that out the hard way too. Mine claimed she'd been trying to reach me but she was blocked and I never called her and shed not heard from me in MONTHS blah blah drama drama blah. I checked, meaning to add her home phone to the block. Turned out the original/cell phone block had dropped off almost a full year before, due to my phone/plan change. Not a peep initiated by her in all that time!

I called her on the lie, almost sent copies of phone bills as proof then decided fuck it. Believe what you want, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation ... But phone bills don't lie. I knew, just had to see it.
And no, some patterns don't change, not until they have to or when the old ploys don't work. Can you reroute her emails to an unused email with a succinctly worded autoresponder?!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Hmmm. You went NC several years ago? And he still isn't dead? How is it you haven't killed him off yet, Sidney?

I know, your dastardly plan is to let old age do the dirty work for you! Brilliant and foolproof. 

My father made suicide threats in the aftermath of my NC, around the same time you went NC if I remember correctly. If he chose to contemplate suicide because I took what was stated as a temporary break from the relationship, well there's even further proof that there were deeper problems than I was capable of handling. And if it was purely manipulation, then that's really really low and disgusting. My response was to emotionally detach even more. I still had to learn just how sick he really was.

It's so sad for our parents that what they think will restore the relationship is only digging the grave deeper.

[SunnyMeadow]

The final straw that led to our NC several years ago was an email telling me that enD was going to kill himself (with graphic details) and it was all my fault because I wasn’t talking to them (I was only calling once a week, not the demanded twice a day). 

I seriously got a chill when I read you were calling once a week!! I thought you were going to say all this evil drama was after full NC. Call twice a day? I thought my uNPD mother had flipped her shit when she mentioned calling 3 times a week and visiting once a week. How truly conniving and evil to say your enD was going to kill himself because of you.

[Sidney37]

Yep.  Twice a day every day from the time I was a teen in college until my mid forty's when I attempted to decrease contact  and this ended up NC.  We did have one episode of her lengthy silent treatment because I tried to uphold a boundary suggested by our therapist  and one attempt by me to go NC when I first found this board.  But the decrease in contact from twice a day to every other day led her to threats, insults, silent treatment, etc. so I was just talking to him.

I was talking to him once or twice a week when the suicide threat happened but not her and as a consequence she started sending texts and emails that he was going to kill himself because I wasn't talking to them enough!  It's like suicide threat by proxy.  She makes suicide threats for him.  It's made worse by the fact that my college boyfriend committed suicide when I broke up with him and they know it took years of therapy to accept that it wasn't my fault. 

It's so true that they think that threats, guilt and digging themselves into a deeper hole is the solution to this.  Why would I start talking to them again because they threatened me with his death and suicide?  Why can't they see that starting with an apology might be the first step? Why can't they see that this is manipulative and abusive?   

I'm still trying to figure out how to block on my new phone.  Now I'm getting emails in my inbox from them with more he's going to die soon because of you threats but the email is marked with a red circle with a line through it indicating that it's a blocked address!  Sigh. 

[SunnyMeadow]

After reading that Sidney, NC is the only way to go. I'm deeply sorry you ended up with those two as parents. Awful 

Why would I start talking to them again because they threatened me with his death and suicide?  Why can't they see that starting with an apology might be the first step? Why can't they see that this is manipulative and abusive?

So true! I don't understand their way of thinking. It's off the charts disordered.

[JustKat]

  Just another your dad is going to die and it's all your fault. 

They do love the "someone's going to die" hoover. When I went NC with my mother, enDad tried to suck me back in by telling me that she had an inoperable tumor on her heart and only four weeks to live. She had "four weeks to live" for five years before she finally did die. I was never told what she died of, but I'm pretty sure it was an unrelated illness.

I'm glad this group has helped you and that you know not to fall for it. Forums like this one have helped me more than words can say. Hearing the same experiences from so many other survivors has been life-changing for me.

[Andeza]

Such a low blow. Really fighting dirty isn't she? You've come a very long way though, Sidney. My hat is off to you! You've managed to sort of shake your head at it and keep going this time around. Wondering if your mother doesn't have a sprinkling of HPD in the mix. They do adore the drama. I remember WomanIterrupted would describe her Didi as wailing and pounding on her chest (in a bizarrely comical overly dramatic fashion) to try to get whatever she wanted. Truly mystifying why any adult would think such juvenile, toddler really, behavior is going to get them a darn thing. That's how I see these aptly named threats by proxy. An adult pitching a royal hissy fit.

[Cat of the Canals]

It's made worse by the fact that my college boyfriend committed suicide when I broke up with him and they know it took years of therapy to accept that it wasn't my fault. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to block on my new phone.  Now I'm getting emails in my inbox from them with more he's going to die soon because of you threats but the email is marked with a red circle with a line through it indicating that it's a blocked address!  Sigh.

This is such awful manipulation. I can't believe how low they're willing to stoop to try to get their way.

Can you mark the emails as spam so it goes to an entirely separate folder and never reaches your inbox in the first place?

[Boat Babe]

It's made worse by the fact that my college boyfriend committed suicide when I broke up with him and they know it took years of therapy to accept that it wasn't my fault. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to block on my new phone.  Now I'm getting emails in my inbox from them with more he's going to die soon because of you threats but the email is marked with a red circle with a line through it indicating that it's a blocked address!  Sigh.

This is such awful manipulation. I can't believe how low they're willing to stoop to try to get their way.

Can you mark the emails as spam so it goes to an entirely separate folder and never reaches your inbox in the first place?

[Sidney37]

Thanks everyone.  I sometimes forget how far I've come in just a few years.  Skipping that daily call and trying to stretch it out to every other day caused me severe panic when I first started these boundaries.  Some people here were helping me daily to stay calm after setting very minor boundaries.   

I also sometimes forget how manipulative they are until I type it out.   It went on for so long and they are supposedly so beloved by their church friends that sometimes it's still hard to understand. 

[MarlenaEve]

I got a new cell phone recently.  PDm had been blocked for well over a year, almost 2.  I didn't even think about checking to see if the block transferred over - it didn't.   It took just 2 days to get an email from PDm to attempt to guilt trip me. 

The final straw that led to our NC several years ago was an email telling me that enD was going to kill himself (with graphic details) and it was all my fault because I wasn't talking to them (I was only calling once a week, not the demanded twice a day).  This email was to tell me that enD was going to starve to death from stress because I'm not talking to them.  No apology.  No attempt at being nice.  Just another your dad is going to die and it's all your fault. 

PDs never change.  It's always just more of the same.  I'm glad I'm here and know not to fall for the guilt trip.

Hi Sidney. This is a horrific type of abuse. It's the worst form: threatening someone with suicide if they don't comply with one's wishes and demands.

Glad you're NC.

[p123]

Yep.  Twice a day every day from the time I was a teen in college until my mid forty's when I attempted to decrease contact  and this ended up NC.  We did have one episode of her lengthy silent treatment because I tried to uphold a boundary suggested by our therapist  and one attempt by me to go NC when I first found this board.  But the decrease in contact from twice a day to every other day led her to threats, insults, silent treatment, etc. so I was just talking to him.

I was talking to him once or twice a week when the suicide threat happened but not her and as a consequence she started sending texts and emails that he was going to kill himself because I wasn't talking to them enough!  It's like suicide threat by proxy.  She makes suicide threats for him.  It's made worse by the fact that my college boyfriend committed suicide when I broke up with him and they know it took years of therapy to accept that it wasn't my fault. 

It's so true that they think that threats, guilt and digging themselves into a deeper hole is the solution to this.  Why would I start talking to them again because they threatened me with his death and suicide?  Why can't they see that starting with an apology might be the first step? Why can't they see that this is manipulative and abusive?   

I'm still trying to figure out how to block on my new phone.  Now I'm getting emails in my inbox from them with more he's going to die soon because of you threats but the email is marked with a red circle with a line through it indicating that it's a blocked address!  Sigh.

OMG thats just awful.....

Good for you for being so brave.....

I don't get that. Do they think be escalating bad behaviour its gonna help? It makes it worse by far.

[p123]

  Just another your dad is going to die and it's all your fault. 

They do love the "someone's going to die" hoover. When I went NC with my mother, enDad tried to suck me back in by telling me that she had an inoperable tumor on her heart and only four weeks to live. She had "four weeks to live" for five years before she finally did die. I was never told what she died of, but I'm pretty sure it was an unrelated illness.

I'm glad this group has helped you and that you know not to fall for it. Forums like this one have helped me more than words can say. Hearing the same experiences from so many other survivors has been life-changing for me.

OMG thays nuts. 4 weeks to live for 5 years....