How can I feel more comfortable with healthy people and they with me?

[JollyJazz]

Hi All,

Like many of those with a PD FOO, I have often found I ended up around PD people. It's empowering to learn more about PD's and importantly our own learned coping mechanisms to survive in PD-land (e. g. people pleasing , care taking).

Has anyone had the experience of feeling almost uncomfortable when people are nice, healthy and normal. And I also wonder if it's possible to be more comfortable for more healthy people to be around as we ourselves become more healthy, set more boundaries etc.

All ideas, thoughts, general discussion welcome! 

[1footouttadefog]

I found  that engaging in activities where the social contact is limited but friendly helped.

I struggled with a pull toward enmeshment as one of my issues, when I felt isolated after a move and then several changes in my life all at once.  Being  in limited situations helped with this in that it allowed me to gradually become more involved in the community.

For example helping at the soup kitchen or hanging clothes in hangers for a local charity thrift store gave a chance to be aroumd others and have friendly chit chat and learn about the area a bit more, but there was no pressure.

[Andeza]

Oh yeah, just like an animal that's been mistreated we get head shy. We flinch away from everybody, regardless of whether they are safe or not. In my case, because I'm a hard-core introvert, I'm not trying to actually fix that reaction though. What I decided to fix was my opinion of myself, and embrace my real suppressed nature as a top of the hierarchy female/alpha female, my reactions to people have also changed. And the script has flipped. Now the people pleasing caretakers are drawn to me.  but I'm still an introvert! So the reversed attention, giving rather than taking, is still more attention than I like. But it's a lot easier to hold at bay with boundaries interestingly.

[blacksheep7]

I would say that after coming Out of the FOG I see/view  people through a different lens.  Not because they are nice that I assume they will stay that way.  I remain guarded compared to who I was before, opening up way toooo much, toooo fast.

People with pds are good at showing a different public persona than what they really are behind closed doors or when they want a closer relationship.  It can take a while for the real personality to show up.

I do not want and am not searching for any type of bff.  I still need a social life whether it be activities, a class or groups but more like 1footout described, friendly but only outside of my private life and home.

It is still possible to meet nice people as long as long as we take it slow, not jumping in too fast. 

JollyJazz: I agree that we can get uncomfortable if people are too nice because of our past experiences, people taking advantage of our kindness.