My NM's repetitive behaviour (+how narcs truly are!)

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My NM's repetitive behaviour (+how narcs truly are!)
« on: July 05, 2021, 11:23:16 AM »
You can definitely realize how narcissistic a mother is when you hear her talking to you but she's actually talking to herself. This is so screwed up and when this happens, I tend to have more compassion for her. I don't take it personally, it's just really sad she ended up like that.

So, for example, mother cooks steak (I don't eat red meat) and she then tells me: "I'll save some steak for you OK?" Me:... Mother: "OK, you'll probably want some steak later so when you're hungry, find the steak in the oven.' Me:... Later, Mom: 'You didn't eat the steak I saved for you! Ok if you don't want to eat it, I'll never cook meat for you then'. Me: clearing my throat and leaving the kitchen.

This cycle repeats over and over again. Not only with food but with other stuff as well. NM assumes I will like something, she either gets that something for me and then when she sees I don't have any reaction to this nonsense, she starts talking to herself about me. (negatively, of course)

This is how a narcissist's mind processes information. They live in a world where they are 1000% certain people will comply with their wishes and be welcoming of their intentions. They never expect to get the word 'no' from others and when they do get it, they are so shocked.
They don't expect to get rejected by others because, in their mind, they are way too amazing to be rejected or turned away from something/someone.

I read somewhere that they can't process information that's older than a day   :stars:

So if they verbally abuse someone on Monday, (even being physically violent), they won't remember it on Tuesday.

If I tell NM that I'm not interested in eating meat ever, she'll very often forget. But not because she's stupid. Her brain can't process the word 'no' or the ability of other people to reject their offer and be self-differentiated from them.

That's why their speech is repetitive. They repeat the same words, they use the same put-downs, they engage in the same behavior because their personality is made up of routine dysfunctional behavior.
« Last Edit: July 05, 2021, 11:28:49 AM by MarlenaEve »
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms-
to choose one's attitude in any
given set of circumstances, to choose
one's own way.
-Viktor Frankl



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Re: My NM's repetitive behaviour (+how narcs truly are!)
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2021, 05:39:57 PM »
my mom does the repetitive self talk. if she does hear me say "no" (even for a good reason, like she wants to make a food i'm allergic to-- something you think a parent would know about their own child but she never ever remembers, its a wonder I survived childhood) she will fly into a sobbing hysterical rage and blame me for being an ungrateful, difficult daughter who doesn't appreciate or love her.  :upsidedown:



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Re: My NM's repetitive behaviour (+how narcs truly are!)
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2021, 01:25:36 PM »
My mother has this repetitive behavior too, but with a slight difference. She keeps repeating mistakes endlessly  :stars: She is unable to learn from her mistakes! Even in a scenario where there is a 50/50 of doing something right, she will always do it wrong. It’s as if she fails on purpose which is probably the point  :unsure:

E.g. I drink coffee with milk, I really don’t like black coffee. I have used milk in my coffee since I was 17 years so that’s 30 years! And yet, every time I visited my mom, she would act completely baffled “Oh I forgot to buy milk!” so I end up drinking water while she says “I didn’t know you started using milk in your coffee”

Every fu***** visit for 30 years  :doh: And I have many more stories like that  :doh:  :doh:



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Re: My NM's repetitive behaviour (+how narcs truly are!)
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2021, 01:40:31 PM »
I read somewhere that they can't process information that's older than a day   :stars:

This was definitely true of my Nmother. I'd tell her about something that happened in my neighborhood, then a few days later she'd repeat the exact same story back to me as gossip about someone in her own neighborhood. Not only was she obviously lying about her neighbor, but she couldn't remember having heard the story from me just a few days earlier! She'd repeat my own words back to me with no clue of where she had heard them.