What to do to make sense of things - e.g. writing down scenes from the childhood

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I find that with emotional enmeshment and characters who flip back and forth, guilt trip, manipulate, execute coercive control, flip out, then idealize and love bomb

Itís sometimes hard to see what happened

Now: Would it better to ignore the whole thing, put it in a box and move on with life? And focus on the now?

I would like to emancipate myself and not get so easily triggered back to the past anymore

An idea was to write down some things that happened as bare and unemotional as possible, then read it back to get a sort of clarity and view the child or young adult from a now adult's perspective to learn to have compassion for my past self and let it go

Like, get rid of the internalized things and see it as something that was said or done to me, not something I am, so it can rest with the past

Also so the enmeshment stops

Has somebody tried a similar approach once?
« Last Edit: July 23, 2021, 12:40:00 PM by testing12 »



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Many of us have. With varying degrees of success of course, as dictated by the individual. For me personally it was good to sit down, lump all the abusive tendencies of my mother in one place and say "Sheesh, how did I get through all of that?" I had to give my younger self credit for being strong, for enduring, for finishing the race to adulthood and getting out. Then I took another approach. I read back through, and do so from time to time, in the mindset of "This is how you DON'T treat children." Both to say I didn't deserve all that nonsense, and the cycle stops there, in my past.
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Blueberry Pancakes

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I think there are many things that can be done to help process these dynamics, and writing is one of them. 

Actually, writing is one of my favorite go-to mechanisms. It helps me release the bad stuff. It also seems more acknowledged to me. I can chose to file it away or re-read to see the progress I am making in boundaries, or I can throw it away like I am releasing the past. When I started though, I did it for myself so I would know what I did to resolve things and keep peace and so I would not feel like the sad state of the relationship with my FOO was all my fault. Sometimes I read over my journal, and cannot believe the patterns that were occurring so long ago. I have found it very beneficial.


Cat of the Canals

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Actually, writing is one of my favorite go-to mechanisms. It helps me release the bad stuff. It also seems more acknowledged to me.

I totally agree. Something about getting it out in a concrete way has allowed me to identify *exactly* why a particular memory was so upsetting for me. It feels less like something just floating around in my head when it's written out on the page (or screen).