Pending divorce. How did you move on and rebuild your life?

[Happytobefree]

I have a court date for my divorce from my UNPDh for mid September.  The end is near, and despite how drama-filled the process was after we separated last September, it's actually gotten easier as time went on, mainly because I stood my ground for once, got some good advice on this forum, and had an excellent lawyer.

But I feel like I'm in an emotional rut.  I've been in the same house for over 20 years, but only lived here with my UNPDh for 6 months before we bought our "Dream house" in another state.  He's keeping that house, and I still have mine.  (Thank goodness I didn't sell it!)   I feel like I'm in an emotional rut.  Now that he's out of my life forever, or will be in 6 weeks, it's like I'm back to where I was 3 years ago, before I met him, doing the same things I used to do.  I have zero internal motivation and energy to try new things and make new friends.  Basically, I'm in a rut.

I needed something to shake me out of this emotional and physical slump.

So I bought a house yesterday.  It's not my dream house, but merely a stepping stone.  It's in a beautiful area and close to fun towns and lots of activities that I used to enjoy.  I bought it sight unseen too.  Am I crazy?  lol  And if I am, is that a bad thing? 

Now I feel a fire slowly burning under me because I have to get my house ready to sell in September.  For the first time in a long while, I feel excited about my new life.

[xredshoesx]

sounds like you are making the changes you need to make to put all the pieces in place to rebuild what has been lost.

i think i self isolated for about a month when the ex and i were finally done (thankfully we had no legal bonds to dissolve), then i found a new place in a different town pretty much like you did.  that did make it way easier to dip my toes in the water of being more social again.  the housing market is HOT HOT HOT for sellers right now.  looking forward to updates from this next chapter in your journey.

[Kat54]

You are making changes with your life soon post divorce which is great! Rebuilding your life won't always be easy but the reward will be there. Your freedom and getting back to living!

I bought a home in a new town also in a neighboring state about an hour from my ex and 2 kids. While many days were difficult and some days they still are I'm making some new friends and rebuilding my life that was so marred in constant chaos and verbal abuse. I miss my kids everyday but they are adults now and when I do see them it's been great. Owning a home solo has had its challenges but having good family and friends for support has been a life saver.

[Happytobefree]

Thank you both for being so supportive!  I think I'm past the point of being concerned about other's opinions - those who haven't even been with  someone with NPD - so your encouragement means a lot.

It's so weird to me, not feeling any anxiety or even stress about what my next 2 months are going to look like - closing on my not as yet seen house, getting my current house ready to sell, and finalizing my divorce. 

It's a different kind of stress, I think.  Eustress?  Stress caused by positive changes?  It feels manageable and doesn't scare me.  Unlike my future with my now stbxUNPDh before I separated from him.

Cautiously and happily optimistic.