I found this website

[Haji1]

I am new here.  My spouse has BP but has not been diagnosed.  We have been married for 6 years. I knew him for 4 years prior.  Before marriage He had issues with his family and ex, and he always blamed them for issue, so I believed him.  So once married and I saw some of his moods, emotional outbursts and some were frightening.  I have read books and have had counseling, as he won't go, but really nothing helps.  When he is normal, we have a wonderful time together. When he is raging, he is verbally abusive.  I often leave when he is like that. My issue is I am suffering. I try and stand up to him when he gets like that, but I pay for it big time.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I am looking for support and tips on how to stay with him when he is out of control. I am so glad to have found this group!

[SonofThunder]

Hello and welcome to Out of the FOG 😀.  I'm so very sorry you are suffering with the verbal abuse of your spouse of 6 years.  You will find a lot of prior, current and future discussions here on the exact subject you are desiring to learn.  To begin with, many of the tips you desire are already located in the 'what to do' section of the 'toolbox' tab at the top of the forum.  I especially recommend Medium Chill (grey rock as it's also called here in conversations), noJADE, 51% rule for protection of yourself, 50% rule to keep you balanced since you do have options and finally (proper) boundaries.   

I also recommend reading the book 'Boundaries' by Cloud and Townsend and 'Stop Caretaking the Borderline and Narcissist' by Fjelstad.   Many people believe boundaries are trying to control another human's actions and/or reactions, but proper boundaries are all about controlling our own actions and reactions, in which another human does not control.  The Boundaries book is a good teacher of this learned skill.  The Fjelstad book may teach you much about yourself and how your spouse uses your traits to feed upon for their supply needs.  Therefore the Fjelstad book also teaches how to stop being that supply for the PD person. 

Again, welcome to Out of the FOG.  You are among many who experience the very same things, therefore you are not alone.  Be encouraged that you are here and happy learning in this wonderful community!

SoT

[Starboard Song]

I second SoT: Welcome to Out of the FOG!

Please check out the What To Do section of our Toolbox. It has a lot of pages dedicated to different tactics. And these tactics, in one form or another, are likely to be important to you.

From what you've shared already, I suggest starting with

• Boundaries - These are nothing more than an expression of what you will or will not do, or engage with
• 50% Rule - Except in cases of coercion, we are responsible for 50% of what happens in any relationship
• 51% Rule - We all must take at least a little more care of ourselves, than of others
• Your Stuff / My Stuff - Another person's issues and complaints aren't automatically "your stuff" to deal with

Each of these is a concise expression of a complex topic. Boundaries are particularly hard to enforce against someone in your home: it is hard to walk away. And the 50% Rule can seem terribly unfair like victim shaming, but it means to empower us by challenging us.
Dig in, and we look forward to seeing you out on the boards.

Be good. Be strong.