Had a dream about ILs TW: fake attempted murder

[Seven]

Pretty sure this is the first time I've ever dreamed about the ILs.  Usually it's about uNPDm and one most recently about Bro5, when in the dream a therapist told me in front of Bro5 to go NC with him because he has some kind of malignant PD. 

But last night it was about the ILs.

DH has been NC since April except for text on both Mothers and Fathers Day.  He wants FIL to apologize for his behavior regarding DHs friend during an HVAC episode where they feel entitled to things they didn't pay for, ended up calling DH an a-hole when FIL got caught in a lie, other things said and threatened, and evidently this all led back to me and "what's going on in that house?"  I had no involvement in this whatsoever. It was all between DH, his friend, and the ILs.

Anyway, last night I dreamed that we had a sit down with only FIL. DH explained to him the situation and what he did wrong.  In the dream FIL seemed to get it.  In the dream then somehow DH and I get split up (meaning I didn't ride in the car with him but with FIL-this has happened IRL before). In the meantime FIL turns around and calls MIL and tells her absolutely the exact opposite of what we just had said.  More made up stories, blameshifting, etc. Because I'm the only one that heard him tell her lies and called him out on it and tried to call DH to tell him, FIL tries to hold me against my will and even tries to strangle me with a dog leash!  DH shows up in time to see this happening. They threatened to have me charged with trespassing (I mean, really?  Because IRL they'd do something that makes absolutely no sense) and DH threatened to have them charged with kidnapping and attempted murder. 

All just so they can have their son back under their control.

I don't even know if I should tell DH I had this dream.  It's really scary what goes on in the ILs head because honestly this dream is really not far off from the truth of their behavior, minus the violence. DH is much bigger than FIL so the only thing they hold over his head is money (FIL retired from major manufacturing company 25 years ago at age 48).  They have such weird off-the-wall, over-the-top thinking. everything is a sleight to them because they know they are uneducated (neither graduated high school).  IRL they told DH one of the reasons they don't like me is because "I'm too smart", yet they need me to do their online vehicle registrations or buy something for them.  So I'm only "liked" when I'm needed.

This is upsetting me for real. And like I said I don't know if I should tell DH or not.   I really want to cry.

[Starboard Song]

To begin with, please remember it is only a dream. Nothing happened. Nobody did or said anything. It reflects your deep fears and your anxiety, and that is important. But that is what is important: those fears and anxieties.

I think your answer depends on how you two are talking about the crisis. If you are both frequently starting conversations along the lines of, "I just keep imagining what I'd say...." or the old "if I had it to do over again I think I'd........" or even "I think I worry most that......."   If you are having those talks a lot, then by all means tell him about the dream. It is perfectly right to share with your spouse such things, so you can support one another.

My wife and I got to a point where we realized we were feeding off each other: we never got to emotional peace, because as soon as one of us got in a good state, the other felt the need to say "I was thinking about that time........" and we were off the races yet again. We decided to only talk about my in-laws when (1) something actually happened, or (2) we actually needed to do something. Otherwise, by mutual agreement, we'd mostly share our inner demons with friends instead of each other. We also agreed, on our walks, that you could share after we crossed a certain bridge, when we were less than five minutes from home. That is ample time to describe whatever either of us was feeling, and for the other to offer condolences and support, or to say "me too." It was not enough for us to just tailspin into anger and frustration and rumination. If you two are in "I need some peace" mode, like we were, then I'd just share this with a friend.

Either way, do make sure you have a confidant like this, and your husband too. You can't let this emergency control your relationship.

[Seven]

Starboard,

That's the thing.  We don't talk about the ILs.  DH got a butt dial FaceTime call from FIL 2 weeks ago and he didn't answer and said he has no intention of calling back. That if it was an emergency cry he would have called me, and didn't.   So, we don't even talk about them.  So I've no idea where this dream came from.

And I'm not actually afraid of being harmed physically.  FIL will have a tussle if he tries anything with me.

But these people admittedly will sit at home and make up their own reality and then stew in it forever.  Literally DH told MIL one day "I bet you just sit at home and talk about this stuff all day" and she actually admitted to it.

I did get visibly upset a Few weeks ago around DHs birthday  just thinking about what kind of shitty parents they are.  There is a past post I believe in reference to the type of bday card he received from them.   I was just so upset for DH and I told him so.  I said that I feel bad that they are acting this way because of me when in actuality I know it is not because of me...i just happen to be the SG. They cant take the blame for DH NC so it's got to be on someone else..

I think what scared me the most about the dream is the level of their malevolence. I wouldn't put it past them if they actually wished something like this would happen.  If they're unhappy then DH must be unhappy too.  They are the ver jealous type.

[Starboard Song]

I think you and I may be in similar positions. My wife got to NC before I did, and it made me uncomfortable. I was still processing so much, and I felt like all this turmoil was dumped into my home and I was angry and I wanted to argue about it. But she was so done, and was ready to accept their discarding of us.

If you need to discuss your own reactions, please realize your reactions are just as real and valid as his. If you feel that you two are not on the right track, that too is fair game for a very humble and respectful conversation. He chose you as his life-long partner: the person he most trusts. And you chose him to be there for one another.

So it is OK if you need to talk more than he does. Let him know you need to talk it out a little. It doesn't have to take over your lives, but you do deserve that. And at some point, it may get to where you need different things, and each need an outside confidant, like we did, to keep the house quieter.

Try to set the dream aside, and get to the substantive things that you worry about or need. You two need to be ever so close through this, always understanding one another. Family estrangements can be dangerous for a relationship with cracks.

Be good. Be strong.