BPD friend not handling boundary well at all

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gnossienne

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BPD friend not handling boundary well at all
« on: August 14, 2021, 11:50:49 PM »
Hello! I'm new to this forum but I've been lurking for quite a bit. I'll try to keep a long story short. I've been friends with someone with bpd for a couple of years. She was undiagnosed for most of her life. I've made the decision to distance myself because I can no longer tolerate her behavior (passive aggressiveness, picking fights over trivial things, giving me the silent treatment, etc). I've decided to set boundaries with her. I told her I was distancing myself but it's not because of her (it is because of her, partially).

Well, unsurprisingly, she's not handling it well. She has hoovered me several times since I've set this boundary. Trying to hang out with me, letting me know that she's watching that favorite movie of mine, which is now her favorite, eating the same foods I like to eat even though she's never expressed liking those foods. I could go on. It gets worse though. So a little background on my friend: she once dated a guy for a few years and that of course was a mess. She ended up cheating on him with a dude who looked very similar to him. Why do I mention this? So me and bpd friend still follow each other on social media and I noticed she posted a picture on there with a new "friend" she made at a bar who looks very similar to me. I know who she makes friends with isn't really my business but I'm kind of freaked out by this. She's been in and out of therapy for years and on medication, but it doesn't seem to be working much.

I'll eventually fade her out of my life. I just wanted to talk about this situation and get it off my chest. In retrospect, I should've let her go a long time ago. She always displayed signs that there was something off with her, but I thought I was doing "the right thing" by overlooking her behavior and not being judgmental. Well, here we are lol.

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notrightinthehead

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Re: BPD friend not handling boundary well at all
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2021, 06:13:09 AM »
Welcome! Seems like you are handling the situation well. You are keeping your boundaries by not getting involved again. What the other party does, is the other party's business. You just stick to your side.
I can't hate my way into loving myself.

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gnossienne

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Re: BPD friend not handling boundary well at all
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2021, 08:59:00 AM »
Welcome! Seems like you are handling the situation well. You are keeping your boundaries by not getting involved again. What the other party does, is the other party's business. You just stick to your side.

I mention this because I'm concerned about future behavior. It's obvious that her erratic behavior is escalating and I'm concerned about her getting worse to the point where I might have to worry about my safety.

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Bloomie

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Re: BPD friend not handling boundary well at all
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2021, 12:42:33 PM »
gnossienne - hi there and welcome to OOTF. A great place to process the slow fade of a relationship that has been significant for you! I'm glad you are here.

The uncertainty of how this person will handle you distancing yourself, given what you know of their past responses, has to be heavy on your mind. I hope this new look alike friend will be a distraction and you will be left in peace!

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gnossienne

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Re: BPD friend not handling boundary well at all
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2021, 02:36:05 PM »
gnossienne - hi there and welcome to OOTF. A great place to process the slow fade of a relationship that has been significant for you! I'm glad you are here.

The uncertainty of how this person will handle you distancing yourself, given what you know of their past responses, has to be heavy on your mind. I hope this new look alike friend will be a distraction and you will be left in peace!

I honestly think she's just using this person to try to make me jealous. It's having the opposite effect though. At this point, I would love it if she found new friends and stopped obsessing over me lol.