So recently I wrote a topic about my mother not responding to a happy birthday text I sent her and I thought she was playing games. I was wrong. Two days later she sent back a "thank you" text. That was it, two words, thank you. Fine, whatever, I didn't respond because there was no need to. Then four days later I get another message all nice and friendly talking about some local news and then asking what I'm up to, if I had done XYZ. I was a little surprised. However as usual I texted back responding about the local news and left it at that. I gave no personal information. She then replied instantly and sent one line texting "Have you done XYZ". I didn't respond. About 15 mins later I got another text from her which was suppose to be for someone else saying "I will meet you outside that coffee shop in 20mins".
It then hit me, she isn't playing games, this is just her, self absorbed and narcissistic. I wasn't really worth responding to on her birthday but on the day she was planning to meet a friend for coffee she needed gossip and so cue the sweet friendly text. It wasn't about me, she wasn't checking in with me, it was all about her.
It just sort of hit home and it finally sunk in. I just finally get how little she has put into having a relationship and yet expects to be given personal information on command to use as gossip.
I shudder when I think about the really personal stuff she has gossiped about in the past when I thought I was talking to a concerned mother. I was so naïve. It was an eye opener when I found out and yet it still didn't hit home like this simple text did today. I'm not sure why but I just got it, I really got how she's not there for me at all, she doesn't have my back and we don't really have any semblance of a relationship at all. I get that this is simply about her and what she wants, that's it.
So going forward I will text at birthday and one holiday and I will reply to any messages she sends but not with anything personal. It will all be routine, mundane texts. I won't ever give her anything personal again. However I also see this isn't a game she is playing, this is simply her, so narcissistic that other people's feelings and privacy don't matter at all. I would say I'm hurt but interestingly I'm not that hurt, I feel resigned to it, like its finally given me an out. Like I can really give up and its ok and sort of a relief. Its a relief because I finally understand I have nothing on the other side to work with, its a one way street, a dead end.