Update - need to vent

[engineer31]

I'm sitting here at work trying not to completely breakdown. So just over a month ago my husband send a group message to FIL and MIL and told them we were taking an extended break because we were tired of the manipulation, lies, etc. and them not taking responsibility for the things they have said and done. He said if they broke those boundaries and communicated with us, they would be blocked. We got a lot of hate back from them and my husband even got one from his dad to just him saying that they would talk once DH is thinking on his own. All messages were ignored. Fast forward to exactly a month after that message was sent and MIL decides to message DH saying to pray for your dad, he's been sick for 2 weeks and hasn't been able to kick it. I told DH this is her trying to manipulate him into talking with them. They were not in the hospital, he had  a sinus infection (heard from BIL's wife). I told him that is what she does. They use his kindness and compassion to try and get him to talk to them, by exaggerating the situation. So, after talking to him, he decided to block them both on the phone and FB messenger, but he still had his social media deactivated. His mom cares more about social media than real life, so he's been trying to avoid blocking/removing her from social media.

Meanwhile, my friend from church is in the ICU on a vent due to covid complications, she's fighting, but not making progress, and the Drs are giving her 2 more days before they pull her off the vent and turn her over to hospice. Her husband has been posting updates on social media. So DH decided he would get back on social media so he could get the updates too. And today I noticed his mom is still able to access his page. We have talked about it before and how hurt that makes me. After everything they have said and done. His excuse is he doesnt ever post anything. But to me, it's the principle, along with the fact that he has posted things in the past, and I don't want them to see any pictures of our family. I am so angry right now and hurt. I don't feel like I'm enough. I really want to take my anger out on MIL and FIL and just unload EVERYTHING my BIL's wife has told me they have said. I want to scream. And I don't want to talk to him about it because we've had this conversation before and it's like I was ignored.

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm sorry, engineer31. I know how frustrating it is when you can't quite get your spouse on the same page with you. PDmil will be visiting soon, and while my husband is not really in the FOG at all at this point, he still struggles with setting consistent boundaries, and I worry about the various boundary violations that will go unchecked because he prefers to "grey rock" through them versus standing up for us. I don't really have any advice, just feelings of commiseration and understanding. 

[engineer31]

Thanks Cat. Sometimes it's good to just vent and know I'm not the only one that's going through stuff like this. I started a rough draft in my email last night of everything I wish I could say to MIL and FIL. I know I'll never send it because it's not very nice but I did feel a little bit better once I got it off my chest. I'm typically one to speak my mind when someone hurts me and not just ignore it. So to learn a lot of these things and not be able to confront my MIL and FIL about it all, has been HARD. But nothing is going to change with them; I'll always be the villain in their story because I took THEIR grandkids away and brainwashed their son.