PD nurses

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helpmeplease

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PD nurses
« on: June 16, 2021, 05:41:30 AM »
I would like your advice and thoughts about the situation I am dealing with please. I am a dialysis patient and I have treatment three times per week for four hours each time. I attend at night times. For the majority of the time it is the same staff looking after us. Unfortunately, I am in a nest of PD individuals. Two in particular. As you can imagine, the first time I had dialysis I was very scared and was terrified and shaking. The second time I attended nurse I blurted out "go home" as I walked in the door. This nurse is very unpleasant sly and untrustworthy. She does a lot of eye rolling at patients and will sometimes go for days not speaking to me, blatantly ignoring me. I was ill a couple of weeks ago and she didn't even look at me when treating me. Last night I mentioned to her that it seemed ages since I had had a particular injection. She said she would check. Later when they were distributing these injections, I overheard  her saying that "she hasn't had these for two months". The second nurse came to give me it and I said to her I haven't had this for ages. The horrible nurse turned around and said you  had it last month it's documented on the computer. This is a blatant lie.
The second nurse is a classic cluster B, raging at the drop of a hat, terrifying to be honest. The first time I met her, there was no emotion a blank stare. That is terrifying when you are ill and frightened. This is her default setting a blank vacant look. A few weeks ago I was very ill with violent stomach cramps and raging temperature during my treatment. I was in agony begging for help. She gave me the required treatment but began screaming at me about how I was acting and implying my reaction was over the top. I asked her if I could continue the treatment the next day and she gave me a very angry lecture. The next day I asked her about medication and seeing a dietician and she was furious raging at me. I calmly said I still would like to see a dietician.  I was finished my treatment and needed to have my needles taken out, I asked another nurse if someone could help me and she asked this raging nurse and predictably she screamed across the ward, I am coming. The next day when I went in she was all calm asked how I was, totally different. What do I do? Do I tell the first nurse I overheard her say I hadn't had my injection? Do I call the second nurse out on her behaviour? These two nurses are from other countries. The first one has excellent English but has knowledge gaps in her work. The second nurse has very poor understanding of written and spoken English and is quite difficult to understand, however her clinical knowledge is excellent. The fact that they are from abroad is not an issue and all the staff are from a range of countries and the staff during the day are absolutely adorable, they are so kind. There are many lovely caring nurses from India and the Philippines who I can talk to and ask them anything.   

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1footouttadefog

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2021, 12:01:47 PM »
This sounds very horrible.

I cannot imagine having someone in such a state anywhere near my veins.

Yikes.

I have tried the following with difficult people in the past and had it help.

Give any honest complement you can.

Point out there accomplishments to them and if appropriate in front of another.

I would ask her about her training and mention that she seems to have better clinical knowledge than the others.

Where did you train, do you have a higher level of certification, because you seem to know more?


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Pepin

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2021, 05:34:11 PM »
Such a timely but frustrating post!  I just listened to a podcast by Kris Godinez on YouTube.  Her channel is called:We Need To Talk and the video is called How to Handle Public Trippers.  There is also Q & A that follows this podcast that was posted today.  She talks about nurses and the medical community.  Please listen to these as I think it would be incredibly helpful for you.  Wishing you the best.   
NPD F (overt) NC
DPD MIL (covert) VLC
FALLEN GC SIB
GC#2 SIB (covert) LC headed to NC

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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helpmeplease

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2021, 07:50:59 AM »
Sorry for not replying sooner, but I am very grateful to  both of you for  your very helpful replies. I tried the polite interested questions, its worked a little with one nurse not the two mentioned here. I listened to the podcast, it helped me remember to try to be a bit more courageous. Its still a work in progress but when those two nurses are not at work the tension lifts in the unit, and the sometimes nasty nurses are nicer when these two are not around so I know it's definitely not me, so if anyone else has any more strategies I would welcome them. You tend to be a sitting duck for their venom, you can't move away because you are connected to a machine and at their mercy for four hours.

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tragedy or hope

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2021, 12:14:29 PM »
What a horrendous experience! Those people may need to find another profession or get out of that department. They are emotionally abusive if not professionally.

What about talking to your doctor?In confidentiality, someone needs to know these two have no bedside manner. Being trained in the medical profession does not make one compassionate, just trained.

Usually, if underlings are "unhappy" at their job, look to the management. They may be overworked, micromanaged, unappreciated etc. You should not have to get to the bottom of this or be treated to the point of fear.

Does the facility have a social worker available?
A patient ombudsman? Someone needs to know without you being singled out as the one who is revealing their true behavior.

Can a family member or close friend attend treatment with you for awhile? Someone needs to intervene on your behalf. You need an advocate. You are already in a vulnerable position. Being sick and having to defend your well-being is surely overwhelming.

Hopefully someone on the outside of this situation will be able to halt their abusive behavior.

Until then, kindness as much as possible is in order, as they could get worse as you lose your focus. I am very sorry for your experiences with fear and not being treated with dignity. That is a horrible medical offense and should be stopped by someone ASAP.

 :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
~Maya Angelou

Believe it the first time, or you will spend the rest of your life in disbelief of what they can/will do; to you. T/H

Family systems are like spider webs. It takes years to get untangled from them.  T/H

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HeadAboveWater

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2021, 06:32:43 PM »
Helpmeplease, this sounds like a very difficult situation. I am so sorry.

This may be impractical advice, but is there another location where you can receive dialysis? Depending on where you live and the way your medical care is paid for, I know that often there aren't many options, but it could be worth exploring.

If you have any questions about the medication you have received/not received, it could be worth raising with a doctor. If your doctor has a portal where you can send a secure message, it might be worthwhile to say "I had not received medication X in a while, so I raised it with a nurse. From what I overheard and what the nurse said to me, it is unclear whether I received it on a proper interval. It would be helpful to me if you could clarify how often I am to get this. Please also resend my orders to the dialysis center."

If you can find a nurse you do like and you know that person's name, is it possible to request that nurse be responsible for your care? As an example, I once had a physicians practice transfer my care to a new doctor who had joined this practice. This new doctor was not helpful and told me nothing could be done for my chronic pain, but my previous doctor had given me lots of options and was more empathetic and flexible. The schedulers refused to schedule me with my original doctor saying that I could not switch myself back and forth. I calmly said that the newer doctor was not working for me, and if I could not be switched that I would be leaving the practice. I wonder if it would be possible to speak to the scheduling desk or supervising physician at the dialysis center. Perhaps you can call or send a written message conveying your desire to only be treated by certain nurses. After all, this medical center could benefit from patient feedback about staff. Perhaps those supervising don't realize how bad things are or how it is affecting the patient experience. You do not even need to go into detail about PD or specific behaviors. It is enough to say "This does not work well for me," or "The nurse has not been responsive to my medical concerns."   

Wishing you the best of luck and a satisfactory resolution!

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1footouttadefog

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2021, 03:12:43 PM »
I would inform hospital administration of the situation.  Perhaps a letter or emailed ccd to several folks, ananoymour or not would get things changed.

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helpmeplease

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2021, 07:16:11 AM »
I just wanted to update you all and thank you very much for your concerned replies. It helps to know this community of kind people exist. I went through all your advice and considered it carefully. Thinking about what we all say on here that you can only control your own behaviour, I tried to see what I could do to improve the situation for myself. I was having violent stomach cramps making me scream in pain, so I researched reasons why these could be happening during dialysis, and I found out that some people get them if they eat anything during treatment. I was having sandwiches. I stopped having these and only have a couple of biscuits and a cup of tea. So far six weeks later I have not had any cramps and my blood pressure has not plummeted while on dialysis. I take extra cushions in to put behind my back so I am more comfortable. This decreases my need to have to ask for help. I have a named nurse who is lovely who only works now and again, but I spoke to her the other night about lots of issues and questions I had about my treatment. She answered a lot of questions and sorted a lot of things out for me. She managed to speak to our elusive consultant who reduced the amount of blood pressure tablets I am on, with loosing a lot of weight and now being on dialysis my blood pressure is more controlled and I don't need them. I also asked her to let the consultant know I had reached my goal weight. As a result of this and having completed various health checks like a cardiogram and chest x ray and stress fitness test on my heart he has completed the paper work for me to go on the transplant list. I had various blood tests taken last night to type blood and tissue- 12 vials of blood taken in all. For the past couple of weeks  because there are only five patients who have dialysis on the evening shift, they have decided they only need two nurses and one assistant. The nurse who lies and and is crafty  now works  mornings for most shifts and I maybe only see her once a week. I have observed her and have noticed she is like a child favouring patients and making fun of everyone, I have noticed some of the younger staff the nurses are very wary of her and are careful not to cross her or contradict her because sometimes she is put in charge. Rather than confront her or report  her directly, I am trying to circumvent her, asking others who are kind or just disengaging reading my book or watching a DVD. It has been easier lately because we have been put in a smaller room with the nurses station along the corridor so I don't have to physically see her for most of the night. The last time she was in she was trying to cause some drama for me but I think I tried to handle it ok, she took great delight in telling me my named nurse had changed to the nurse who rages, she was grinning widely inanely really. When this nurse who lies is not in the atmosphere is a lot calmer. There is a lovely Indian older nurse called Mary who has been overseeing my treatment for the last two or three sessions. She makes a point of coming to put me on and take me off the machine. I feel comfortable with her and I can talk to her. The raging one is still around. She was there last night. I try to avoid talking to her or asking her anything, I will ask the other staff, I don't know if she realises she is my named nurse yet. I try to be as calm and polite as I can with her. I am trying to do everything I can to help myself to make my time on the machine easier and whatever they tell me to do health wise I am doing. It would be nice to have Mary as my named nurse, I think she knows this and I think she is trying her best to be the one who helps me.   

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helpmeplease

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2021, 01:11:42 PM »
Just wanted to add I will, when the time is right "let slip" to doctors/bosses about the rager and the liar in a joke or aside something like that or a hint. I will have to bide my time though be careful.

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HeadAboveWater

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2021, 03:25:46 PM »
I am so glad to hear that Mary has been helping you. May your run of good luck working with her continue. Congratulations also on reaching your health goals for a transplant! That is a huge milestone. I hope that a transplantable kidney becomes available for you soon and that all goes very well with that process.

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helpmeplease

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2021, 09:19:04 AM »
I just wanted to let you all know that the raging nurse was sitting on a small swivel stool on castors last night.  She turned and slipped backwards off it and fell in slow motion  and landed flat on the floor in the middle of the ward.  She was flat on her back lying there stunned for a few moments then sat up and  seemed  to be about to cry then made  a determined effort to hold it together and shouted for another nurse to help her up.  The nurse who came to her aid was admirable in her ability to keep a straight face, bearing in mind the raging one had her cornered the other week shouting at her and wagging her finger at her hand on her hips.  I surprised myself at how good an  actress I was with my shouts of concern,  and upset face, while feeling just a touch of  schadenfreude, remembering how she had shouted at me when I was ill and how she had just roughly shoved the weekly covid test swab up my nose. Evil aren't I ?  Who says there is no karma or justice in this world?

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KeepingMyBlue

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Re: PD nurses
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2021, 07:03:10 PM »
You're not evil! Whatever Power you belive in set up her karma, and put you there to see it!

Be careful though. Seeing her in s moment of weakness could put a double target right back on you, even though you did nothing to cause it. Or she might pretend it never happened. Hard to know with some people.

Laughing with you
Blue