Would you press charges?

[bunnie]

Thanks Sandpiper. I am still somewhat in shock that this happened and sis and bil have escalated to this point. I am beyond hurt though numb that my parents are blaming me. I know I will be okay.

[j.banquo]

I'm dealing with something similar, and was even about to post about it.

it is so difficult, emotionally, thinking about how it will affect others, whether you'll be believed, what they might retaliate with. That's what I've been having to consider, anyway.

I even had to resort to thinking about the situation from the perspective of military strategy.



They committed a class B felony, another serious felony, and several other crimes against me. However, one has been in the local legal community for decades. Serving them with papers, or having the police come, would provoke... who knows, when they've already done those things. I may have a valid claim for a restraining order of some kind, even.

I've never allowed anyone to get away with committing crimes against me, but I had to back down, or my entire life would've become about them, and I would have had so many new problems on top of what they'd already created.

I'll pursue legal action, just not right now.



Since you asked - in your circumstances, yeah, I would. It isn't the seriousness of the crimes, it's the danger to your child and others.

[bunnie]

jjffhh, It is a very difficult situation due to all the factors you mentioned. Thank you for sharing some of your experience. Thank you for the reply and support.  I totally understand your decision as well.

[sandpiper]

Yes.
I put up with a lot of bad behaviour for a lot of years in the hopes that various people would take steps to recover.
When they become dangerous though, that's a game changer.
I've stepped right out of the lives of those who've gotten in with drug-dealers because I just got sick of things being stolen, my safety being threatened, and having to deal with the carnage that erupts in their lives.
It is heart-breaking when people let their lives reach this point, but you have to protect yourself.

[bunnie]

I hear you, Sandpiper. This had to be the final straw for us. Hoping and praying we can save my nieces and nephew from some of the effects of this mess.

[sandpiper]

It is so hard when there are children stuck in those situations. Some of the little people in my life have grown up to be horribly abusive adults who model their own behaviour on what they experienced as 'normal' from their own disordered parent. I do still hope they will figure it out but I do my hoping from a safe distance where they can't lash out at me. I had to learn not to let that break me down and to focus on building good relationships with my family of choice.
Thinking of you.
One of the things that I did when uBPDsis  chucked her toys in the last final mushroom cloud to top all mushroom clouds, I rang up the school counselor, asked to speak to them in confidence, told them that I was not 'fishing' for information but I was no longer able to help and I wanted to outline what was happening to someone who could help support my nephew and niece. That was sixteen years ago and passing that baton on to someone who was in their lives and giving them the understanding of why my sister is the way that she is, and what those children had to live with...well, that was probably one of the best things I could ever have done. Those kids will never know that, but it doesn't matter. A friend who had her kids at the same school was able to let me know that the teachers at that school really stepped up and did what they could to support the kids, despite my sister's capricious and narcissistic behaviour. So I think that helped. I'm sure the school thought that I was probably just as crazy as my sister, but they helped.

[bunnie]

I actually received a call from my nieces' school last month. My sister renewed me as their contact for the last two years which came as a surprise. The girls are not doing well in school.  I'm so glad you shared that you advised the school of what your niece and nephew were dealing with.