New Here

[Rocketman]

Hey everyone,
New to the forum, but have been working on myself for a little while now.  The problems caused by my narcissistic mother made fairly clear that I had little control over my life.  I "made" most of my decisions, but what are you really doing if everything you do is to avoid upsetting someone? My FOO is entirely enmeshed and has produced little more than codependent tendencies and the ability to follow order for myself and my siblings.  I won't speak for them but for me, being raised in a middle class home, focusing on doing everything to avoid mistakes and shame coupled with being good at school gave me what would be a great life situation on paper.  But you can only go on for so long battling a constant fear of shame and guilt.  I sought professional help and have started setting boundaries with my family which unsurprisingly took me from golden child to scapegoat pretty quickly.   Changing habits and processing it all has been very difficult, especially considering my involvement in the triangulation and manipulation in years past.  But I have to remember that I didn't know any better.  My 'role self' was strongly ingrained into my daily life and I've battled recently to leave that role.  In fact, that's the best way to describe things now.  I'm LC with my mother but I have quit my 'role' in the family dynamic.  Anyway, I find forums to be great, they've taught me a lot for my hobbies and I think this could be another resource for continued work, so I just wanted to say hello.

[bloomie]

Hi Rocketman - welcome to Out of the FOG! I am really glad you have reached out for support and encouragement from this dedicated and understanding community.

There is so much important and empowering progress you describe making and some tough realizations you are having to face about the challenges in your family of origin paradigm. Breaking free from unhealthy patterns is hard. The fallout from resigning from our expected role within our primary relationships is a steep journey at times.

This is a group of people who do understand and who will come alongside of you and support you. Take some time to look around the forum at the resources and conversations taking place on the boards - there is a lot here to explore and make good use of.

I hope you find your time here to be a help and look forward to supporting you!