Having a major guilt flare-up

Started by wisingup, September 12, 2021, 10:47:30 AM

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wisingup

Not entirely sure why, but I'm having a major guilt/worry flare-up over uBPDm the last few days.  I wish I could check in with her to see how she is.  Our last convo was in May - an argument over how hysterical she was when she called me to help with a medical issue. 

I have accepted a new position & in the process of leaving my previous job which has been extremely stressful (they are freaking out a bit as several key people have left recently).  I'm dealing with some guilt over leaving at such a time, as well as sadness at leaving the truly great team that I built.  But the job has been eating me alive for a couple of years & only shows signs of growing.  The new job is of a more manageable scope and my manager will be someone I've previously worked for happily. 

Anyway, I think the flare-up is wrapped up in this job change stress - generally struggling with feelings of letting people down, wanting to alleviate their stress & disappointment, wanting to feel like a good person, etc.  All those impulses that, if I give in to them, will end up with me in over my head & "lighting myself on fire to keep others warm." 

I'm filling my weekend with reaching out to friends & making plans to stay social, rather than my usual tactic which is to withdraw and fret. Gotta make it through one more week at the old job, then a week of vacation to clear my head, before starting the new job.  Deep breaths...

SunnyMeadow

Quote from: wisingup on September 12, 2021, 10:47:30 AM
Anyway, I think the flare-up is wrapped up in this job change stress - generally struggling with feelings of letting people down, wanting to alleviate their stress & disappointment, wanting to feel like a good person, etc.  All those impulses that, if I give in to them, will end up with me in over my head & "lighting myself on fire to keep others warm." 

I'm filling my weekend with reaching out to friends & making plans to stay social, rather than my usual tactic which is to withdraw and fret. Gotta make it through one more week at the old job, then a week of vacation to clear my head, before starting the new job.  Deep breaths...

I think you're right about the job stress, it weighs so heavily on everything we do. The "lighting myself on fire" saying is perfect. Keep reminding yourself of it!  :yes:

One more week will fly by then... vacation! Enjoy.

wisingup

Thank you Sunny Meadow!  I'm feeling a bit better today.  We'll see how I do after a day of seeing my co-workers stressed faces.  I'm looking forward to starting the new job where people will be happy to see me get started, rather than looking at me like How could you do this to us?

Rocketman

I hope the new gig is going well. I myself just changed jobs too and fortunately had a bit of a primer with dealing with the guilt. A friend of mine was hemming and hawing about feeling like they're leaving their group out to dry, so I asked them if there'd ever be a good time for them to leave. With the answer being "no" it's easier to move on. That ended up certainly being the case for me as the organization was spread thin and had no backups. I had to do what was best for me.
Also, my counselor had told me regression is common in times of high stress. I experienced that with a couple conversations with my Nmother a month or so ago while I had several things going on. I guess subconsciously I wanted some appreciation for an accomplishment of mine and that was taken advantage of a bit. Live and learn.

wisingup

Thanks Rocketman.  I have just one more day at the old job, but it's pretty much just an exit interview & a small going-away party.  I made it - phew!

I like the question of if there's ever a good time to leave.  My organization runs lean by choice, so I guess this is the consequence of that choice.  We were all stressed from too much work, leading to people leaving, and now they're even more stressed.

And yes, the stress I was under was causing me to over-react to all kinds of situations.  I don't think it showed on the surface, but it was a week of poor sleep, churning stomach & racing thoughts.    And that makes me think of mom... ::) since usually when I feel like that, she's involved.