neighbor- get involved or drop it

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Jolie40

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neighbor- get involved or drop it
« on: September 10, 2021, 04:57:34 PM »
neighbors fighting again this morn- a daughter & boyfriend
she was screaming so I walked over/said something to him
this is second time I've gone over to try to interrupt the fighting


as a kid I had no voice in FOO fighting/screaming
now I want to try to stop the abuse by the boyfriend
is it wrong to try to get involved?
be good to yourself

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BeautifulCrazy

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Re: neighbor- get involved or drop it
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2021, 08:05:49 PM »
I don't know what the "correct" answer is here.

It is my personal policy to speak up unless I think it puts someone at increased risk. If I believe my interference might escalate the situation or there is physical danger, I call police.

I used to think other people's problems were none of my concern but, increasingly, I think it is everyone's business. What if it were my son or daughter? My best friend? What if it were me?

Edmund Burke famously said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Some of my thoughts regarding....

What if someone had said something about my first husband's behavior, would I have recognized the abuse that was slowly creeping in sooner?
What if my OCPDxh had been called out by peers or bystanders every time he was inappropriate or rude, instead of encountering embarassed silence or a quick subject change? Could he have continued to justify those actions? Would I have been gaslit so easily?
Especially, in isolation, abuse becomes normalized.
It's just my personal opinion, but I think we all hold at least a tiny piece of accountability.

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Oscen

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Re: neighbor- get involved or drop it
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2021, 12:46:10 PM »
Hi Jolie,

It sounds like you're being courageous and acting on your values. I think that's great.

In the process of trying to be more assertive myself, I make mistakes, and while people generally will always agree that mistakes happen when we're learning, there seems to be an underlying unspoken expectation that those mistakes shouldn't upset or inconvenience anyone. Which is impossible, and if we believe that, it then results in only erring on the side of caution, never on the side of courage. I don't think we can actually move forward into a new position of understanding if we always stay on this side of the safety line.

So I don't know what the "right thing" to do is, but I think you're doing the right thing by acting on what feels right in the moment, and then paying attention to what happens as a result and how you felt about it and yourself.