Oops...

[Cat of the Canals]

So my in-laws are here. One of the last things we did before they arrived was to hide my collection of PD-related books. We got all the books stashed away, but we forgot one thing... the Medium Chill guide I printed out and stuck to the fridge.  After they left for the night, my husband said PDmil saw the MC guide and studied it for a loooooooong time. It doesn't say anything about PDs on it, so there's that. And it really only talks about not getting involved in drama or answering intrusive questions... who wouldn't want such a valuable tool in life? Still, I had to resist the urge to rip it off and stuff it in a drawer somewhere, but that would only be weirder if she noticed.

Anyway, she probably assumes it's about someone else and couldn't come up with a "non-intrusive" way of asking about it. 

[Starboard Song]

This may be a case of failing successfully. She got to learn all about Medium Chill. She knows how to recognize it. And she sees that it is not an act of hostility, hate, or disdain. It may help her frame any perceived MC in a more positive light.

I hope this doesn't create drama for you, but please don't let it trouble you or create feelings of guilt. You did nothing wrong, here.

Good luck!

[Cat of the Canals]

Thanks, Starboard. That was my feeling, after I thought about it. This is a healthy way to deal with conflict... there's nothing offensive or otherwise "bad" about it.

If she wants to read into it, that's on her.

[Andeza]

Is it horrible that I laughed just a little, as I wondered what my own uMIL would do? Well, first my MIL would be horrified that anything was stuck to the fridge at all. She had something personal against fridge magnets.

You had no ill intent behind it, and in the end that's the only thing you can control. It's completely up to her how she wants to interpret the situation, but it won't be your fault. It's not like you left it out on purpose, lol. Hugs to you as you deal with this moment in time.

[Sneezy]

Well, first my MIL would be horrified that anything was stuck to the fridge at all. She had something personal against fridge magnets.

Haha, same with my MIL.  Like it's a moral failing to have something posted on your fridge    And don't get me started on boxes of kleenex.  She is appalled if she can actually view a box of kleenex on the kitchen counter, on a bedroom vanity, or even in the bathroom.  Kleenex boxes must be hidden at all times.

Cat - Your MIL is probably wondering now who it is that has caused you to need medium chill?  I can guarantee she will never think it has anything to do with her.  It's likely that she thinks it's a strategy you have to use on your husband or someone on your side of the family.  Because it could never be her . . . 

[square]

A long time ago I bought Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, then Toxic In-Laws. I won't bore you with the reason I bought them but it actually was not about my parents or in-laws, not at all.

But I did have them on the bookshelf of the room my in-laws stay in when visiting. Forgot all about them till later. MIL surely has seen them. I wonder what she thinks 

[Boat Babe]

That's funny 😀

[Cat of the Canals]

I can guarantee she will never think it has anything to do with her.  It's likely that she thinks it's a strategy you have to use on your husband or someone on your side of the family.  Because it could never be her . . . 

My husband's words were, "She will do everything in her power to prove it isn't about her." Of course that doesn't include behaving in a way that doesn't require MC.   

Is it horrible that I laughed just a little, as I wondered what my own uMIL would do?

Absolutely not! When my husband pointed out that we'd left it on the fridge, I said, "OH NO!!!!" and then I burst out laughing. And then when he added that she studied it very intently, I laughed more. Today he explained that not only did she really take notice of it... he attempted to distract her with photos of my nephews, and after admiring them for a few minutes, she went straight back to the MC guide!

I almost wish I knew what was going through her mind when she was reading it... almost.

[Cat of the Canals]

MC in action:

MIL sees a sign that says our community pool is open until October 3rd. She just loves reading every sign out loud, making sure no one has missed it.

MIL: Your pool is open until October 3rd.
Husband: Yep.
MIL: And you haven't even gone.

(Another favorite activity of hers, assuming rather than asking.)

Husband: No.
Me: It was closed all of last year and most of this year until June.
MIL: But it's been open since June. And you haven't gone.
H: I don't swim.
MIL, practically shrieking: Yes, but I want to see it!
Me and H: *MC silence*
MIL: Now I'm mad! Our hotel has a pool, but I didn't bring my bathing suit because [FIL] can't swim (medical reasons) but now I know I could have gone swimming in your pool!
Me and H: *baffled MC silence*

As usual this makes NO SENSE. She didn't want to swim at the hotel pool because her husband can't swim... but she DOES want to swim in the community pool... ALSO WITHOUT HER HUSBAND.

[Cat of the Canals]

Oh wait... just figured it out. She thinks she could bully me or my husband into going with her to the community pool. One of us would actually have to go in order for her to get in. Not only that, we'd have to go sign up and pay for a pool pass.

Now it all makes sense. When in doubt, find the sense of entitlement hiding just behind Door Number 2!

Two more days... just two... more... days...

[Sneezy]

Hang in there, Cat, you can do two more days 

The pool issue reminds me of my mom.  She dragged me to more stores looking for a bathing suit.  But she has never actually gone swimming.  It was all just a way to get me to take her shopping and wait around by the dressing room as she tried on suit after suit.  That she never wore.  And she knows how much I DON'T like to shop    It's all a test to see how much time we are willing to spend catering to them, because that is a measure of our love for them.  Which (as I'm sure you know) is never enough.

[Cat of the Canals]

It's all a test to see how much time we are willing to spend catering to them, because that is a measure of our love for them. Which (as I'm sure you know) is never enough.

I'm nodding so hard right now my head might fall off. In fact, my husband thinks she's quietly miffed right now that we haven't just sat like docile children and let her order us around. And I did something I'm VERY proud of. So far, every day FIL has asked, "What time should we come over tomorrow?" Which means we end up stuck with them in our house for most of the day. I needed a break. So yesterday I got out ahead of it and said we'd meet them at a particular museum at 2 pm. And then we made reservations and gave them a gift certificate for a very nice restaurant in town, which means it's quite likely we'll only see them for an hour or two at the museum and then we'll have the rest of the day off.

I was fully prepared for MIL to raise hell about us "stalling" until 2, but I actually think she was so shocked she didn't know what to say. Yes, MIL, I do have a backbone!

[Starboard Song]

I'm nodding so hard right now my head might fall off.

That is the best line I will steal all day.

[Cat of the Canals]

MIL and FIL went to a state park today, where they made brief smalltalk with another park visitor. My MIL managed to offend this stranger thoroughly enough that he told FIL, "You should be a candidate for sainthood."