Company that's taken advantage of me

[Jsinjin]

This will sound like I'm a complete tool crybaby.   I have a an abusive OCPD spouse who is well detailed in other parts of this forum.   I am in a good place in the parts of life that are financial.   I have a career with a lot of engineering, scientific and other credentials.   While I was a professor 17 years go my labs developed a medical device technology that was spun into an incubator and then a public company and then regulatory approval.   I left academia to work there.   The guy who raised the money and then because CEO was a narcissist and eventually the company fell.   The company quit paying employees and I left 12 years ago.   I just left and there was a lawsuit to t y and make me come back and finish a regulatory audit but I got out.   I became a different employee altogether.   12 years later I have a different career with a different job.  Several years ago a private equity firm bought the  company.   Last year they convinced me to come "help".  I have a full time job.  I try to build boundaries but they have me managing five people, have begged me into running projects for them and leading people.   This sounds like I am terrible at boundaries but I'm a mess.   I get trapped in logical arguments and manipulations that really lock me into things.   I never pay attention to the details of things when people ask me "what are you doing Saturday morning" or "can you help sort this grant proposal" I answer honestly and then I get caught in a whirlwind.   What started as helping sort out intellectual property for old patents I was part of had become me advising dozens of employees, being on the contracting side of a major grant to develop a new product and having my name tied to many things in the company.   I kept trying to help them out and at the same time stay balanced.   They're nice but all lawyers and they catch me with manipulations.   I've been sucked back in and now I work there nights and weekends even though I don't want to.  I have to advise lab technicians and the clinical advisory team.   I have to hide from them when I work with my full time employer and they don't care.

I've always been so terrible with boundaries and this is yet another example.  Yes I have the book and yes I've read it but I feel like the erosion of my time and capacity occurs by bits and bits of logical arguments.   I want out but now I'm signed to lead this research project that's been funded. 

I always get trapped and begged into just one more thing or instead of letting e go the question comes "let's set aside the concerns with not being able to help, what capacity do you have and we can work around that".  Then when I estimate how long something will take I hear "it won't really take that long will it?"

I don't want to do this work.  I feel so trapped and I don't have a way to push back.

[JollyJazz]

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. It sounds like you need support on two levels.

One is on your current situation. It sounds like you need some help and advocacy on your behalf. Are you part of a union? Even if you can't get out of this work could you shorten it? Reduce the workload? Delegate?

Could you brainstorm and work through some options?

Secondly, on the bigger issue of overcommitting/boundaries/people pleasing. It sounds like you are doing well on identifying this. Working on this can take time with a therapist. Saying 'yes' is a survival mechanism in a dysfunctional family. It is possible to improve this over time though.

Best wishes

[SonofThunder]

Hello Jsinjin,

First, i am sorry you are experiencing these issues at work and frustrations regarding boundaries. Im interested in reading your response to JollyJazz's two points.   

Second, i want to congratulate you in a big way on all your growing accomplishments over your career!   It sounds as if you have been very integral in the development and management of some very helpful projects/products in the medical industry. I tip my hat to you sir, as im certain these accomplishments have assisted many people in their medical needs. 

Alongside the congrats, i can understand how people in certain positions, try to leverage their positions, power and skills in coerciveness to use your (and possibly other people's) time and skills to accomplish goals for themselves and/or the company/persons in which they work. 

I would like to step a little outside the entire scene you describe, from a higher vantage point and look back down on the scene(s) as a whole.  Boiling the whole current organization and your situation down, please tell me what you believe is these coercive people's main motive/objective in doing so?   (Both for the company and for themselves). 

Do the same for each organization in which you have been a part. Is the boiled down answer to my question, the same for all? 

Thanks for possibly playing along with my questions. 

SoT

[Latchkey]

You've really accomplished so much in your career and obviously your skills are in demand. This does sound like too much and it sounds like things have gotten out of control. I just recently resigned from a long term job. Can you just resign? If not, why can't you? There has to be a legal out for you in this situation.

Also, with the FT job, it is concerning that you are taking on such high level work and having to hide it.

I think consulting a trusted consultant with legal expertise could help you get out of this. There is always a way out, it just may be hidden from view. As SoT says, step back from it all and look at all the angles. Keep us posted!