Difficult with health issues

[11JB68]

I feel like this is likely not a common behavior. Possibly it's unique to my uocpdh. It may not even be pd related, but possibly true anxiety of some sort.
Updh for years refused to see a Dr for anything. Even when we were supposed to get pre wedding physicals.... We ended up pulling strings to get a Dr to sign off as he wouldn't go. About 20 years ago we bought life insurance and had vitals done at home by a nurse, she said his BP and cholesterol were high and he should follow up with a Dr. Nope.
About a year and a half ago he had a heart attack. So now has a primary care Dr. I was glad that he has one now as there are other ongoing health issues that need to be addressed. But every step of the way he gets angry, combative, argumentative, defensive, etc etc re the doctors, waiting at the office, procedures, recommendations, etc. He also has MAJOR anxiety about going so usually needs me to go with him. He's had an ongoing problem with his feet that I've suspected is vascular or something. Last time he went to his Dr he refused to bring it up (a few months ago...?) Brought up a different issue but then didn't follow through with recommendations. Now he has developed an ulcer on his ankle, which after insisting on home remedies, finally got so bad that he had me (yes) reach out to his Dr. Went today. Nightmare. He was SO angry after... And upset, swearing, crying, etc.
I know medical stuff is difficult, but I don't think I've ever known of anyone who reacts in these ways.
I don't know what to do.
I really feel he needs therapy, but that would be more of the same... He wouldn't like the person, it would be too much effort, he'd say they didn't know what they were talking about, etc etc.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I feel for you.  Not just for having to tolerate the reactivity, but also watching a loved one not do basic care for themselves.

I have 2 PD family members and a PDex who do the "I don't need any help and I'm not going!" routine.  Maybe there's anxiety underneath, but it just shows up as anger and defiance.

I spent years cajoling, calling and making the appointments for them, etc.  Sometimes it worked but often not.  It kept me stressed out, though.  I've mostly been trying to step back as much as I can and realize I'm not in control of, or responsible for, other adults and their decisions around getting care. It sounds simple, but I've found it very hard to do. 

It's too bad he won't get some T to help with that.  Mine wouldn't either.   I hope you take good care of yourself and give yourself the support you need in this hard situation.

[SonofThunder]

I feel for you.  Not just for having to tolerate the reactivity, but also watching a loved one not do basic care for themselves.

I have 2 PD family members and a PDex who do the "I don't need any help and I'm not going!" routine.  Maybe there's anxiety underneath, but it just shows up as anger and defiance.

I spent years cajoling, calling and making the appointments for them, etc.  Sometimes it worked but often not.  It kept me stressed out, though.  I've mostly been trying to step back as much as I can and realize I'm not in control of, or responsible for, other adults and their decisions around getting care. It sounds simple, but I've found it very hard to do. 

It's too bad he won't get some T to help with that.  Mine wouldn't either.   I hope you take good care of yourself and give yourself the support you need in this hard situation.

My uPDw is all over the place medically.  Much of her medical issues are caused by her being so focused on her reputation with others with regard to performance, that she fails to do basic necessities, such as eat on a regular basis or drink water. 

A prolonged lack of water issue causes her to have all sorts of problems caused by dehydration, including fainting, migraines, kidney stones and other ailments.  Then she complains that she's plagued with medical issues compared to others, although tells everyone about her suffering...

Skipping meals during some prolonged event/project shes working on will cause her to be very irritated, and then when the water related dehydration effects come on, she will get a terrible migraine, believe its the "worst one I've ever had"  and her anxiety ramps up.  All of which exacerbates the migraines and her heart races in her panic attack, so she believes shes having a heart attack or has a brain tumor and then we end up in the ER.  This has happened repeatedly. 

At the ER, she relays her heart concerns and "worst ever" migraines to the nurse and were off to the races, as hospitals cover their own ass legally and her medically and run her through every diagnostic test/scan available, only to come back with "we got nothing".  If I suggest to her that its only dehydration and a panic attack, she will full blown PD on me, so I've learned to MC the whole thing each time, as any past attempts to convey truth never help.  As Lookin 2B Free wisely said, i have to let adults be adults and just take care of myself. 

My issue is my uPDh 'adult' doesnt work so i have to 'adult' pay the bills....About 4 years ago, she had 3 MRI's in two months over repeated migraine issues because of dehydration and was convinced docs were missing something.  Im self employed and so insurance and medical costs for what insurance wont cover, is very high. 

I fully agree with Lookin 2B Free.  I just have to keep reminding myself of the 50% rule and 51% rule and chalk it all up to my chosen life in remaining with a PD.

SoT

[11JB68]

Lookin'2 - THIS: Maybe there's anxiety underneath, but it just shows up as anger and defiance. YES!!!!
Anger and defiance for sure!!!

[11JB68]

SOT - this: hen she complains that she's plagued with medical issues compared to others YES!!!
He brings on SO much of this himself but then has a complete WOE is me attitude that he is the victim of all of this medical stuff

[11JB68]

So three weeks later he finally asked my opinion tonight what he should do about this problem. I asked if he wanted an honest answer he said yes. I told him he should go to the specialist that the Dr suggested.
First he got defensive and acted like he didn't remember being told that.
Then started making excuses about how he can't do one of the things cuz of his knee..
Then started trying to figure out shortcuts/stuff he can try at home (wearing the special socks that I bought him.... Several years ago eg)
Also first got angry with me that I hadn't shared this info with him earlier. I said well you were quite worked up and didn't seem ready to talk about it

[SonofThunder]

So three weeks later he finally asked my opinion tonight what he should do about this problem. I asked if he wanted an honest answer he said yes. I told him he should go to the specialist that the Dr suggested.
First he got defensive and acted like he didn't remember being told that.
Then started making excuses about how he can't do one of the things cuz of his knee..
Then started trying to figure out shortcuts/stuff he can try at home (wearing the special socks that I bought him.... Several years ago eg)
Also first got angry with me that I hadn't shared this info with him earlier. I said well you were quite worked up and didn't seem ready to talk about it

Ahh...that classic no-win bait line and then switch.  "What should I do" followed by "its your fault".  If you dont answer, its  "you don't care about me".   Typical.  Sorry you are dealing with a PD with health issues, which is quite a difficult issue to balance and SO draining (energy, time and money).

SoT