Uncomfortable FB request -- advice sought

[Amadahy]

I'd like thoughts on this as I'm triggered and aggravated at myself for being triggered.  This is not necessarily about a PD person, but about my difficulty with boundaries and decision-making, primarily from Nmom's abuse and the c-ptsd that is so symptomatic right now.

20ish years ago, a very public hurt was done to me by four people that I considered friends that has greatly impacted my ability to trust others.  I had a role in the hurt and live with regret, but have learned from it and made amends where I could, so that's the best I can do.  I went immediately no contact and did not pursue any counter-action, as many encouraged me to do.  I guess you could say I blessed them and tried to go on, even though it hurt horribly and has left a lasting impact.

This happened in a small neighboring community from where I live  and one of the people has a rather large extended family.  Members of the extended family have done nothing to me, as far as I know. I have blocked the original four on facebook, but not common friends or most extended family.  Yesterday, the sister of one of those who hurt me asked to "friend" me on FB.  I have nothing against her, but don't want my posts or information easily accessible to any who hurt me.  Should I block or just decline?  I feel young and small, so I know I'm in an emotional flashback from the trauma of the original hurt.  Yet, this person did not hurt me and neither does she know me very well.  I'm giving way too much energy to this ....

Thanks for any insights and I hope everyone is well.  I value your input very much.  xoxo

[SunnyMeadow]

I have nothing against her, but don't want my posts or information easily accessible to any who hurt me.  Should I block or just decline?

I would be ok doing either of those options. Blocking is good, then you know she won't see anything and won't be able to show anyone else. Declining is also ok. Just because she added you doesn't mean you have to accept. In different circumstances it would be perfectly fine but I wouldn't do it here. I mean, is she someone you'd like to be friends with? If not, don't feel bad doing either one.

Is your account set to only friends or public? If I were you, I'd have mine set to only friends able to view you.

A public hurt from four people is nothing to take lightly. I'm glad you're considering your options to continue protecting yourself! Very important and smart of you. 

[SunnyMeadow]

Also, I should have said....it's no wonder you're triggered and aggravated. That sounds like an awful thing to have happen to you. After going through that situation, it's no wonder you're triggered now. Sounds like a normal response to me. Keep on protecting yourself!

[moglow]

I'd quietly decline and call it a day. It could be her sister has also hurt her or that she feels long overdue apologies are needed. Or maybe you just showed up on her list of people she may know. Whatever her reasoning, Not your stuff.

[Justme729]

My PD parent dated this guy for over a decade who was emotionally and verbally abusive to me.  He abused in any and all ways imaginable.  I blocked his whole family.  Anyone I could find on facebook, I blocked.  I am not friends with my mom, I would prefer to have her blocked.  I told her she is not to share pictures of my children on facebook since she is friends with his family still.  I told her I don't trust him and I don't feel safe with him knowing where we live, what they look like, and so forth.  Her boyfriend's brother used to stalk me and my friends. I don't trust them. 

Moral of the story:  Do what makes you feel safe and allows you to sleep at night.  There is no right or wrong.  I blocked the boyfriend's family.  I have not friended my mom.  I asked my husband not to friend her (but he did).  I use it to monitor what she is posting about my family more or less.  My husband knows it makes me uncomfortable, so he doesn't post very many pictures or videos of our children on his feed.  My teenager asks me before she posts any pictures on instagram. 

The best case I can imagine is the person is older and more mature - they realize the hurt they caused and want to make things right?  Who knows.  I still wouldn't friend her.

[Amadahy]

Thank you all so much for helpful replies!  I hadn't realized that I really hadn't grieved that whole, awful time and am taking time and energy to do that, now.  Thank you for validation and help.  xoxo

[Hazy111]

Leave FB. A PDs playground.