Protected someone dear and lost them...

[BefuddledClarity]

Hey again...

This is in reference to my past post:
What do you do when you feel like you're drowning?

My son has completed the temporary custody guidelines per the CPS people or whatever they are called, but they refused to give my son back stating that they believe I'll go back to my former partner who supposedly lied to them about getting arrested during the meeting, so my child is with my partner's sister...

I'm frustrated and tired.

The DCS people made false accusations towards me AND ex(?) partner.

They said that I "refused resources" when I DID accept them---it's just that they offered an in-house resource, I told them I'm technically already IN a program for that, and inquired if it would be different from what I'm already doing. The CPS person I dealt with prior said not to worry about it as that would be repetition. So it was declined for the time being, and they held that against me.

Then, they also said I "minimized the safety/concern for my son".

Idk HOW? I literally LOCKED both the master bedroom AND bathroom to protect ourselves while partner was drunk and belligerent.

They said because I mentioned he was far from the door and "in the shower" I "minimized" how serious it was.

I don't know WHAT they expected me to do? I called the police. I locked my son and myself to protect ourselves. I MOVED HIM away from the door to protect him. I f*cking CRY telling the story but I "minimize" how serious it is? Give me a BREAK.

I am just really irritated and want to take legal action.

I may ask my home visitor/family support specialist for documentation and help---as she sees how I parent my child and she made the initial CPS report when I needed her help.

This CPS "investigator" is very rude, accusatory, and hardly communicates what's going on. When my son was in temporary custody, she did not communicate with me AT ALL. She even scheduled to meet with partner, but she never showed up, and never called him. I'll have him keep that text/documentation to use in court...She even claimed he "might've been drunk", despite him working, he never drinks on the job. Just lots of stupid accusations and assumptions.

I've talked to former partner...I know he's not drinking. I've lived with him for YEARS and know how he gets if he was actually drunk. He stopped ever since this stupid temporary custody started.

Basically, in the entire meeting, I got scolded and told I didn't protect my child enough nor took better measures. That it was my fault for losing my toddler. Not the fact that I prevented a horrible accident to happen. Not the fact that I CALLED THE POLICE who didn't show up until HOURS LATER.

I did what I could in the situation. I don't know what else they want from me. I've made police reports, I've left partner and asked for help from my "support system".  I'm literally in a f*cking program that helps first time parents with parenting advice, nutrition, safety, etc for children.

I'm very angry, and close to getting my own legal support(I found free legal consultation online after contacting a DC hotline for those with low-income...recently had my contract at former job terminated)

They'll give both myself and former partner an attorney for "free" and my son a lawyer(despite being only a toddler...)

I'm frustrated, and angry...My son has been self-harming and hitting other kids and he wasn't like this until they took him away and placed him with partner's sister...my son bawls his eyes everytime either myself or his father leaves after visiting him. He clings on to me ever visit and doesn't let me go.

Now, after meeting with DCS, they won't allow me to visit him anymore even though partner's sister is considered a "responsible adult" UNLESS DCS is there now, and I can only see him for 2hrs.

My own son. I tried to protect him, and it ends up like this. My only REAL support is the family support specialist and daycare lady at this point. And...somewhat my former partner?? It's just a bizarre situation. He said he'd be happy at least if I got our son back. My former partner's parents committed DC against each other and towards their own children(partner and partner's sister) that they ALMOST got taken away themselves...

Anyways..
Former partner's sis & BiL are jerks[ex. Pinning my son down to punish him, saying she'd NEVER EVER put herself in our situation when asked to see it from our point of view that our son has been ripped from us despite BiL having anger issues and honestly...herself...etc]brothers in city I live are unaware and basically blamed me when the incident occurred while I was scared and exhausted, and...My PDparents supposedly don't know but it sounds like my oldest brother recently broke my trust. I don't want to talk to my family about it. I don't want to talk to partner's family about it.

I just want to get this over with. When I get my son back, I'm cutting all the toxic people out of my life. I'm moving elsewhere. I hate this city. I hate this state. I meet too many toxic people here. It's been trouble since I moved here.


Not sure what to do, other than lay low and just follow their stupid commands. I don't want to lose my son. I'm tired of the PDs in my life. I'm thinking of trying the free legal consultation to see what they recommend...

Going to talk to my family support specialist first for help.

[notrightinthehead]

I would definitely get legal assistance. And I would comply with everything the authorities ask to get my child back. Seems like you are in a program where you get a lot of information. I would use that to the fullest.
I don't know about your country but in my country CPS are very slow to act. But once you are in the system, they really keep an eye on you. So you might want to get all the help you can get and comply, comply, comply.

[BefuddledClarity]

I would definitely get legal assistance. And I would comply with everything the authorities ask to get my child back. Seems like you are in a program where you get a lot of information. I would use that to the fullest.
I don't know about your country but in my country CPS are very slow to act. But once you are in the system, they really keep an eye on you. So you might want to get all the help you can get and comply, comply, comply.

Hello, thanks for reply. I'll definitely get the legal assistance, as this is a very frustrating situation. Also, I shall lay low and comply despite how frustrating it is.  I was going to brainstorm with the family support specialist tomorrow and see what she suggests. She is a mandated CPS/DCS(??) reporter and has helped me understand the steps and process for it.

They were going to give me my son yesterday, but they decided against it after tallying up little, petty stuff against me.

I'm just...very frustrated here in this country/city/state. It's different from back home and different from the other states I've lived in. I'm trying to adapt but it's getting harder...

Once I get my son back, I want to leave. I hate it here.

[hhaw]

My experience with the police and justice services is they punish us for trying to resolve things without going nuclear.

This is always interpreted as us being whishy washy, not knowing our own minds, not able to separate from the abuser and I understand it.  It simply doesn't serve anyone well, ime.

I would strongly advise you to stop trying to protect the he PD in any way.

The fact you stayed with him for years is likely the primary indicator you'll go back, along with not doing what tlchild services asked you to do....these folks are human, have egos and see women take abuser's back every day.  They're jaded and bitter and overwhelmed also.

You must come across as sane, committed to keeping your son safe and unlikely to waiver, ime
.
Finding a good trauma informed therapist will help you figure this out and about I'd PD relationships going forward, ime.

Try to drop all judgment around this and  everything, as you can.

Try to get curious about what you'll do to resolve this situation instead.

Breathe....long and slow.....breathe.

Be super kind to yourself and know child services wants you back with your child.

Know they'll punish you for appearing to waiver.

Speak slowly and calm.

[BefuddledClarity]

My experience with the police and justice services is they punish us for trying to resolve things without going nuclear.

This is always interpreted as us being whishy washy, not knowing our own minds, not able to separate from the abuser and I understand it.  It simply doesn't serve anyone well, ime.

I would strongly advise you to stop trying to protect the he PD in any way.

The fact you stayed with him for years is likely the primary indicator you'll go back, along with not doing what tlchild services asked you to do....these folks are human, have egos and see women take abuser's back every day.  They're jaded and bitter and overwhelmed also.

You must come across as sane, committed to keeping your son safe and unlikely to waiver, ime
.
Finding a good trauma informed therapist will help you figure this out and about I'd PD relationships going forward, ime.

Try to drop all judgment around this and  everything, as you can.

Try to get curious about what you'll do to resolve this situation instead.

Breathe....long and slow.....breathe.

Be super kind to yourself and know child services wants you back with your child.

Know they'll punish you for appearing to waiver.

Speak slowly and calm.

I have done what was requested of the child services, but they twisted everything I said around. I am not from here. I wish I was back home in my country tbh. I'm frustrated. I talked to family support specialist and she has helped me out tremendously and make me feel more assured and has been very supportive. I have it taken care of now and I won't worry any further.

[1footouttadefog]

I hope you can find the strength and courage to navigate this incredibly stress inducing ordeal with mental clarity.

It would in my estimation be extremely difficult to come across as sane or rational under this duress, and yet you must.  I would be in a super emotional state.

I hope you are able to take care of yourself so you can remain strong and push ahead with what you have to do to get your child back and press forward with what is best for you both.