Why are the so unreliable!?

[Simon]

Hi SoT.

Always up for a good discussion with sensible adults.
It's something that has become very rare on the net these days
That's why I stopped using social media.
Everyone coiled, ready to  jump at each other the moment there's a difference of opinion. 
I think agreeing to disagree is a vital part of a healthy psyche.

As for learning to spot red flags since my toxic relationship.. oh yeah. Absolutely.
I was hyper-vigilant when I met my current girlfriend, which happened about 6 months after my split with the toxic ex, but thankfully I wasn't so intense in looking for red flags that I mistook genuine human flaws in her for reasons to leave.
We're very happy still, and discuss things very openly.
So different to toxic ex.

What did surprise me is the traits that I saw in people who have been in my life for many years, some of which are family.
I've learned to distance myself from those family members and got rid of those "friends" who were not what they seemed, and my life is so drama-free and peaceful it's hard to believe.

One final thing (don't want to hijack this thread), even though I was only with toxic for 11 months, and my exit was relatively easy compared to most, I did end up catching "narcissistic fleas" from toxic.
It was month later when my Sister pointed out something that I had done, the way I had reacted to someone, and told me it was out of character for me.
Sure enough, when I took a good look at what happened, my reaction was definitely toxic, and not like me at all, and was something that my ex did all the time.

Because of that, my vigilance is now on making sure I have no toxicity, especially to my gf.
If I treated her bad because of how I was treated by my toxic ex, I would be mortified, and would really resent my ex for that.
I'm determined not to let that happen.

As I've said previously, I have nothing but admiration for those who have come out of long-term relationships with PDs, because 11 months with my toxic ex, and with pretty strong boundaries in place I think, she still got to me.

The damage relationships with PDs does to neurotypicals cannot be understated.
I think that's why I'm so blunt when it comes to PD relationships.
I see so many people on these forums suffering so much, trapped a lot of the times (my heart goes out to EscapingMan right now, who's going through a really bad time), and I worry for their health.

But I do love seeing the stories of those that got away, and are now feeling better and looking forward.
Always makes me feel good.

[escapingman]

Very well written Simon.

One final thing (don't want to hijack this thread), even though I was only with toxic for 11 months, and my exit was relatively easy compared to most, I did end up catching "narcissistic fleas" from toxic.
It was month later when my Sister pointed out something that I had done, the way I had reacted to someone, and told me it was out of character for me.
Sure enough, when I took a good look at what happened, my reaction was definitely toxic, and not like me at all, and was something that my ex did all the time.

I wish someone would have tried to enlighten me when I had severe fleas before I started to come Out of the FOG. But then again, I was so deep into the FOG I would probably have told them to do one.

[Justanotherlostgirl]

Simon - you're not hijacking the thread, I think it's great for me to see/have these discussions. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone, not as isolated and lonely as I feel.

Please do feel free to continue, I'm more than happy for everyone to discuss.