He’s stopped making any effort to wake up

[Jumping Juniper]

Thanks for the clarification. Of course. Having you back was a clumsy thing to say I guess what I really should have asked does she know the truth... Yes a child should come first absolutely.

I would be tempted on bypassing the H for the lifts even if for just a little while and find another solution. If he is happy to find himself doing even less than that is a real tell.

I've noticed that some PDs use the whole not turning up or being constant unreliable as a way of bypassing responsibility.

Do you think he has narcolepsy or some sleep issue or just evading?

There is a saying I like "you can't wake someone up when they are pretending to be asleep".

[Jumping Juniper]

I noticed on an ealier post you said he had no problem waking up on his own for an appointment. That means this is 100% manipulation and avoidance.
I take it the appointment was for him? So he is amazingly able to know exactly when to get up for his appointment but not for his daughters sake? Right so that quote I said on the last comment is on the money.. He's pretending to be asleep.

[Jumping Juniper]

Turns out he had an appointment this morning. He got his own self up - magic!
.

Magic indeed! Very selective magic though, only works when he needs to get up for his own reasons.

[square]

He has narcolepsy. Some really serious sleep issues.

I've not felt comfortable making other people responsible for my husband's responsibilities. It's one thing for someone to help me out because I'm disabked and I really appreciate it and will try in some way to pay it back. But another for someone to help my husband avoid his responsibility, whereas he won't be appreciative, not even notice that someone went out of their way for him. And in fact probably still feeling like he got screwed. And all over something he could do his own damn self.

Right now it's working to be the saggy net. DD gets picked up, and even if he barks at me for "making" him late I just remind myself that he is feeling discomfort, otherwise he wouldn't be trying to shift it on to me. That helps be to observe, not absorb.

He was mostly getting himself up again but lately I had been waking him up to use his new SAD light. I wanted to give it a good shot for the SAD light to work - but I'm done.

His mood really improved noticably, but now he is going to bed later and later. It's insane. I think it's close to 9am now. I give up. It's not going to work for him to go to bed at 9am and get up at 2pm to use the light. 5 hours of sleep when he needs 8. I don't even understand how he thinks that's fine. The mood is still ok but he is back to being completely checked out, running on no sleep. I'm sorry to say ths but it's like he's absolutely brain damaged. Completely clueless. Just "I don't know why I feel so tired all the time" and go to bed at 9am without a single thought.

I can't make him be sane.

[Andeza]

Pardon I may have missed it somewhere, but when he stays up that late/early what is he even doing? That kind of lack of self-awareness to me flashes the addiction warning lights. Like he's been consumed by whatever it is he is doing when he stays up so late that night turns back into day. I've know hardcore videogame addicts that did the same thing. One nearly flunked out of college even.

[square]

He's using the computer. Some times he is working on his biz, sometimes just watching videos or reading stuff. He feels a great need to "unwind."

He has always had an extremely poor sense of time and doesn't keep track. He goes to bed when he just can't stay awake anymore, instead of keeping track of time like most people do.

He has ADHD and is a hyperfocuser.

And yeah, addiction is a factor for him, dunno if it's related to this issue, maybe. He was dependent on alcohol but quit 7 months ago. Switched to smoking instead, ugh.

Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it.