BDP Sister claiming a relative has Alzheimers

[marymackblack]

Just when you think it can't get weirder...  my BDP sister wrote me a long email saying that when she saw my Uncle recently she noticed changes that she sees in our own Mom (Our Mom has Alzheimers) She said other family members are in denial about him and act like everything is fine.  She then went on to say that my cousin told her my Uncle has been diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I immediately reached out to my cousin saying I was in shock and had no idea. She said she didn't know what I was talking about. I explained what my sister said. My cousin knows that my sister is BDP and cousin said that she told her she was concerned about her dad's finances and that he has some mild cognitive decline, but didn't tell her that he has Alz.  We know it's her distorted thinking, her exaggerated emotions and her desire to create drama that made her say this. I've been ignoring her claims,  because I'm quite close with my Uncle, and while he may SOMEDAY have it, he doesn't have it now and only has MCI (Mild Cognitive Impairment). He has seen a Dr about it and works on it with puzzles etc.

Now sister is texting me and asking me if I knew my Uncle had Alzheimers-  you must know as you spend time with him...etc. She is set on this label.
So I can't figure out if she is still trying to get a rise out of me, to get me to disagree so that she can be angry and have drama, or what.  Or is this because she is genuinely concerned about him and thinks we are all blind? 

How do I get boundaries around this issue? Any advice?
thank you forum!

[square]

One of my relatives was just found to have cancer, and prospects don't look good, honestly.

But we found out from relative's sister, who may be PD but I don't know her well enough to Internet Diagnose with my Google PhD. Sister was saying Relative was likely to live only a few days. We were shocked, it hit us hard.

Well, while the prognosis does look grim, the "few days" thing was total rubbish. (It's been a month so far). I went through some feelings because mixed up with my sorrow and grieving is feelings of anger for being manipulated. I would like my grief to be uncomplicated by this rubbish but alas.

My mom and I agreed to take nothing Relative's Sister says remotely seriously. We have closer and much more trustworthy sources of information, so anything Sister says that we haven't already heard will go straight into the mental garbage can without even double checking.

I don't have direct contact with Sister myself, but if I did, I would grey rock the heck out of her on that subject. As it is, she's already Chicken Little in my world, and if she said the sky was blue I'd have to hear it from her niece first before I'd even consider it. 

[moglow]

Boundaries: Refusing to respond to what is clearly gossip. IF uncle had Alzheimer's and his family wanted to share that information with you, they would. Your sister has chosen to insert herself where she's not needed or frankly wanted.

Her opinions aren't the end all be all. She can have them just like everyone else, and you get to choose what to do when she spouts them. I suggest nothing. No picking up the phone to call cousin or anyone else. No furthering her dramatic agenda, whatever it may be. Perhaps a well placed "Oh. I hadn't noticed." Bite it back and keep on biting it back. She wants response and drama. Don't feed it.

[marymackblack]

Thank you, appreciate your comments and wisdom. I'm grey rocking the heck outta this one. 

[Poison Ivy]

I think that sometimes people who know someone who has Alzheimer's disease or have heard and read about the disease a lot start to see Alzheimer's "everywhere": That is, out of fear or something else, they see people with normal age-related memory loss or unusual behaviors and say, "It's Alzheimer's." This isn't necessarily malicious but shouldn't be encouraged (as other posters have said).

[Danie]

My mother loves medical drama. She loves to gossip between relatives about sicknesses and provide grim prognosis'. It seems like she gets excited about it. For some reason she demonizes sick people and places blame on them like they caused it themselves.

I don't understand it or know where it came from. When my grandmother was dying in the hospital my mom wrote "Alzheimer's disease" on the little blackboard above her bed. She didn't have it. For some reason she wanted her to appear to be really out of her mind, but she wasn't.

I think my mom has so much mental illness and turmoil and she does this as a way to project it onto others. Also a way to take the focus off her.