Has anyone disclosed to FOO that you've been diagnosed with PTSD?

Started by sandpiper, October 21, 2021, 03:31:56 PM

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Hilltop

@ Pepin I use to reach out to parents and think I could have a meaningful conversation.  I guess earlier on I didn't understand it or see it.  My mother would simply not acknowledge anything I had said.  Mostly what I did get back was that I was difficult, why bring up the past (uh it happened recently), that I had issues and problems, I took after my grandparent and suffer from depression and she hopes I will be ok in life, her exact words were 'do the best that you can with that'.  But nothing said regarding the actual topic or what I had said, nothing.  I once questioned her why my sister had text me accusing me of some really awful stuff which my mother had told her and it wasn't true at all.  I got nothing back from my mother.  No acknowledgment.  Of course I am going to be upset by that, its not depression, its a natural feeling to that situation. 

You are so right when you say there will be no validation.  I have found inner child work really effective.

jennfr

A variation of an overused cliche comes to mind:   

Gaslighters Gonna Gaslight!

Myself i have not been diagnosed with ptsd & don't think I would be, but, if i were to share any similar-type info, it would only be used against me. 

Thus, I personally would recommend Against sharing such info with any pd- or en- FOO-members. 

blacksheep7

Quote from: sandpiper on October 25, 2021, 02:23:25 PM
Blacksheep7 & Daughter - I tried very hard to have a relationship with my sisters' children and I dealt with very similar things to what you've described. In the end I'd backed myself so far into a corner trying to accommodate the behaviour that when I eventually set boundaries, both sisters were appalled and we have been NC ever since. It's been hard to lose the relationship with their children and I'm grateful that I have 'back-up' as I was auntie to the children of my close friends. Those kids are young adults now & it's nice to be the 'avant-garde' auntie in their lives. I didn't marry or have children, I do have my long-term partner and thankfully he has benefitted and grown from following along on my journey. Everything I learned has helped him to deal with his disordered FOO. I do hope that one day my sisters' children will come OOTF & watching how everyone has come along at these boards over the years gives me hope that there's a lifeboat factory churning out lifesaving equipment for generations to come. Your words about your aunts have been balm to that wound. I worried about them, lots. I found it very difficult when they became young adults and started to act like the adults who had shaped them. It's like watching them turn into werewolves.
Moglow - meh. Your mother. How many years have we known each other now? The fact that you are still here and you are still sane is testimony to your strength & resilience.
Like the rest of you, I do find that NC has made my life better over the years. I have so many good people in my life now. It was a matter of starting again after the entire house of cards blew over but so very, very worth it.
Good for you Sandpiper.  It is nice to have an avant-garde aunt or just an attentive one who will listen to their feelings or issues. Those kids do need that.
I was an aunt like that to three nieces, would go downtown shopping with them, take them places.  Their M's wouldn't do those outings. Now I lost two of them since my nc.  They are in the fog and emeshed, one with M and the other, her  F.  One of them spilled her guts out on all the dysfunction/abuse at home when she was a teen. Her F is my brother that I now call junior ;D because he is exactly like NF, rages and very moody).
She would often come on a friday night (I was single then) for a sleep over and  would mentionthat she liked coming here cause it was quiet. On the other hand, I do  have contact with one niece.  She has the emotional intelligence to understand the dynamics. Her M is my sister, the lost child and is emotionally unavailable. We had good strong conversations about  Pds.  So I say that it is possible that some day they could come Out of the FOG  or Ptsd might hit them.  It might will happen late in life that we may not witness it, who knows. 

Thank you for telling me  that my/our stories put a balm on your wounds :)
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Maya Angelou

Hazy111

Do NOT reach out to abusers and think that you can have a meaningful conversation -- or be validated on any level by them

My sentiments entirely. "Returning to the well" i heard it described and desperately wanting a differing outcome. Guess what,  its still poisoned.

How many people do you know have had a Damascene conversion? Cognitive dissonance, denial, projection and splitting = gaslighting = makes sure that never happens. 

But the culture we're brought up in is to forgive and forget. Honor they mother and father etc . Victim blame. Thankfully things are beginning to change albeit snail like. Things like therapy in the UK still regarded with contempt that the weak turn to.

JustKat

Quote from: Pepin on October 26, 2021, 05:08:22 PM
Worst Advice I Ever Got for Healing CPTSD - Crappy Childhood Fairy
https://youtu.be/jQv24gOg8jE

Oh my gosh, this is SO spot on. Thank you for sharing this, Pepin.

She's so right that you'll never get closure. I think we all have hope, though. I always held on to hope that I'd have the chance to confront my father about his failure to protect me from my mother, even though I knew the odds of him owning up to his actions or apologizing for them were exactly zero. Now that he's gone it's been hard living with the "what ifs," but this video helped me so much. Very validating. I know I did the right thing when I walked out of his life for good.

Nope, you can't confront an abuser, especially one who is personality disordered. By nature of their disorder, you're the bad guy and they're the victim. Full stop. Confronting them won't end well.  :sadno:

And I love her YouTube handle, "Crappy Childhood Fairy."  ;D