Figuring out if my parents (and siblings) have narcissistic personality disorder

[Tinkerbell]

Hi everyone,

Im new here.
What a great website for companions.
Im figuring out if my mom is a narcissist and my dad a flying monkey... Has anyone experienced this situation in particular?

There was emotional neglect from my childhood until now and I was and am the one my mom uses for her gaslighting and projection. Even though I did a lot of research and obervations i still have doubts sometimes. I know you all can relate.... Sometimes Im thinking I need proof (as if i dont have enough proof already...)

p.s. I really would like to get in contact with someone who has experienced (or is experiencing now) the above, maybe we can help eachother....
Furthermore I would really like to say; I have read a lot of your stories and I am proud of every single one of you! We all deserve a save childhood with a lot of love and empathy!!

Yours truly,
Tinkerbell

[JustKat]

Im figuring out if my mom is a narcissist and my dad a flying monkey... Has anyone experienced this situation in particular?

Hi Tinkerbell and welcome to the forum.

Yes, my parents were the same. Mother had NPD and father was her enabler/flying monkey. I grew up pre-Internet so had no idea what was wrong with my mother until I started going to a therapist. It didn't take long for the therapist to pin it down to NPD. After that, I started reading any book I could find on the subject. This was over twenty-five years ago, so there still weren't a lot of books to read and the Internet was in its infancy, but with time I found more info and forums like this one to chat in. Talking to people who have shared experiences has been especially validating.

If you're unsure about your parents I highly recommend talking to a therapist. When I started therapy there wasn't as much talk about narcissism as there is today. Now there are therapists who actually specialize in narcissistic abuse. A good place to search is psychologytoday.com. If there isn't a match close to home, you might find one who does online sessions (one of the benefits to come out of COVID is that many now offer that option). It sounds like you already have a pretty good idea of what's going on with your family, but hearing it from a professional does help a lot. It did for me, anyway.

Do keep posting here.  I think you'll find that many of us share the same experiences. You're not alone.

[Hazy111]

Hi Tinkerbell . You are far far from alone . I actually think its the norm not the exception (but thats my particular take. ) There are some great books  that cover this . Check out the the Resources section. There is also some good stuff on the internet 

[Danie]

Hi Tinkerbell, it's painful being gaslighted by the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. I hope my sharing helps you.

How I figured out my mother is a narcissist, or has NPD.
1. She never expresses empathy toward me. If I say, "I'm in pain because of my arthritis" she'll say "My back hurts", not "Oh honey I'm sorry you're in pain, can I help you/"
2. I went to a family reunion this summer and was telling her about it because she didn't go. I was excited and had some fun moments I was trying to relay, but she just kept answering with her memories of childhood. She told me about how she had a favorite aunt, how she was the first grandchild, her memories of the farm, memories of my great-grandparents. She didn't really listen and validate my experiences with comments like "I'm glad you had a good time" or "I bet they were happy to see you".
3. Anytime I try to talk to her about how she treated me when I was young she deflects it and inaccurately blames my dad. She has never taken any responsibility for anything, even though she was 100% responsible for their divorce.
4. She puts on a big front about being poor when I know she inherited a lot of money.
5. She whines to me that my sister cut her off rather than talk to my sister, find out what she did and apologize.
She judges and criticizes everyone, especially about their looks. She never looks at herself; I've never heard her make a self-deprecating joke about herself and she is hyper sensitive if anyone says anything about her.
6. She is rude to everyone, she thinks everyone is supposed to cater to her in her time frame. She complained that a small medical van was in "her way" at the clinic. As we were leaving the bus was dropping off someone and we had to go around, and she complained.

[Tinkerbell]

Im figuring out if my mom is a narcissist and my dad a flying monkey... Has anyone experienced this situation in particular?

Hi Tinkerbell and welcome to the forum.

Yes, my parents were the same. Mother had NPD and father was her enabler/flying monkey. I grew up pre-Internet so had no idea what was wrong with my mother until I started going to a therapist. It didn't take long for the therapist to pin it down to NPD. After that, I started reading any book I could find on the subject. This was over twenty-five years ago, so there still weren't a lot of books to read and the Internet was in its infancy, but with time I found more info and forums like this one to chat in. Talking to people who have shared experiences has been especially validating.







If you're unsure about your parents I highly recommend talking to a therapist. When I started therapy there wasn't as much talk about narcissism as there is today. Now there are therapists who actually specialize in narcissistic abuse. A good place to search is psychologytoday.com. If there isn't a match close to home, you might find one who does online sessions (one of the benefits to come out of COVID is that many now offer that option). It sounds like you already have a pretty good idea of what's going on with your family, but hearing it from a professional does help a lot. It did for me, anyway.

Do keep posting here.  I think you'll find that many of us share the same experiences. You're not alone.

Hi justkathy! Thank you so much for your kind answer <3 I just want to say that you are an amazing person, getting through so much without even having good resourches/information to get acklowedge etc ! Maybe i will send you a message later on, if thats okay with you ofcourse kr, tinkerbell

[Tinkerbell]

Hi Tinkerbell . You are far far from alone . I actually think its the norm not the exception (but thats my particular take. ) There are some great books  that cover this . Check out the the Resources section. There is also some good stuff on the internet

Hi Hazy111, thank you for your comment, I thought about it a lot these couple of days. Just found the time to answer. I think you are right, indeed its the norm and not the exception. Thank you for your advice! Take care, untill next time maybe! <3

[Tinkerbell]

Hi Tinkerbell, it's painful being gaslighted by the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. I hope my sharing helps you.

How I figured out my mother is a narcissist, or has NPD.
1. She never expresses empathy toward me. If I say, "I'm in pain because of my arthritis" she'll say "My back hurts", not "Oh honey I'm sorry you're in pain, can I help you/"
2. I went to a family reunion this summer and was telling her about it because she didn't go. I was excited and had some fun moments I was trying to relay, but she just kept answering with her memories of childhood. She told me about how she had a favorite aunt, how she was the first grandchild, her memories of the farm, memories of my great-grandparents. She didn't really listen and validate my experiences with comments like "I'm glad you had a good time" or "I bet they were happy to see you".
3. Anytime I try to talk to her about how she treated me when I was young she deflects it and inaccurately blames my dad. She has never taken any responsibility for anything, even though she was 100% responsible for their divorce.
4. She puts on a big front about being poor when I know she inherited a lot of money.
5. She whines to me that my sister cut her off rather than talk to my sister, find out what she did and apologize.
She judges and criticizes everyone, especially about their looks. She never looks at herself; I've never heard her make a self-deprecating joke about herself and she is hyper sensitive if anyone says anything about her.
6. She is rude to everyone, she thinks everyone is supposed to cater to her in her time frame. She complained that a small medical van was in "her way" at the clinic. As we were leaving the bus was dropping off someone and we had to go around, and she complained.

Hi Danie! Thank you for your time! I really appriciate your list, i recognize some points! Its helpful. I have some good help from a narcisist expert and i do a lot of research. I think the N moms (etc) have always things in common, but also have different aspects. Well, at least thats what i discovered so far. Sometimes this makes it difficult for me because then the doubt comes in. Was it hard for you to discover your Nmom? Do you still have doubts sometimes? kr, tinkerbell

[Hazy111]

Tinkerbell,,, the problem is as someone so ably stated on this forum once and i have never forgotten the phrase, "once you see it you cant unsee it" It makes me even more cynical and jaundiced about life. 

The tells are always there in plain sight, what they say, what they do,  how they act, what they type even!  One recommendation re your mother may well be look into Borderlines . When  i read "Understanding the Borderline Mother" well i never, the scales fell, it was scarily accurate. How they "split" their children, the men they marry etc.

[JustKat]

Hi justkathy! Thank you so much for your kind answer <3 I just want to say that you are an amazing person, getting through so much without even having good resourches/information to get acklowedge etc ! Maybe i will send you a message later on, if thats okay with you ofcourse kr, tinkerbell

Awww, that's so kind of you to say that. Of course you can message me, though I may not answer right away. I'm pretty busy with school right now but am trying to check in as often as I can. 

[Tinkerbell]

Tinkerbell,,, the problem is as someone so ably stated on this forum once and i have never forgotten the phrase, "once you see it you cant unsee it" It makes me even more cynical and jaundiced about life. 

The tells are always there in plain sight, what they say, what they do,  how they act, what they type even!  One recommendation re your mother may well be look into Borderlines . When  i read "Understanding the Borderline Mother" well i never, the scales fell, it was scarily accurate. How they "split" their children, the men they marry etc.

Thank you!!! Will definitly order it!

[Hilltop]

Hi my mother has traits of NPD and my dad seems to be the enabler.  They were emotionally neglectful when I was a child and I saw the issues quite clearly as a child,  I knew the family was damaged and I planned to move out as soon as I reached 18 which I did.  Things then moved into a calmer period and like you it was hard to see, to believe that there were these really hurtful relationships.  I wasn't sure if I was just sensitive as my mother suggested or if what I was feeling was genuine, I guess that's what gaslighting does.  It took me many many years to finally admit that the relationships were not healthy for me.  Things that were done during this time were not as blatantly obvious although when I look back now some of them really were I just wasn't ready to admit that they were cruel at times on purpose, that they said cruel things and mocked me on purpose.  That's the thing though, they weren't consistently hurtful, they could tell when I was past my point and they pulled back were all nice and I then bought into the whole thing of family being family.

I eventually reached a stage I was so stressed around them I couldn't not see that something was very wrong.  I journaled which helped but I also stopped reacting to them and simply observed them for a while.  They ramped up trying to get a reaction and after that I couldn't unsee it. I have very limited contact with them now.  I felt for a long time that I needed proof, that I needed something really big to prove to me that it was justified in restricting contact.  The slights, the put downs, the lying about me, excluding me, would happen every now and again or over a
period of time however it was intermingled with normal conversations so it was crazy making.  If it was all bad I would have stopped it long ago.  It was terrible on some occasions but I was always left  with the feeling that family is family and sometimes you have misunderstandings and hurts.  To tell you the truth it took me an incredibly long time to acknowledge that my parents were purposely being cruel.  It goes against everything we believe a parent to be and it took me a long time to understand they are damaging to me and to a small extent I still don't fully understand it.  For me I don't think I care why now or what they may suffer with, I am just trying to protect myself from any further harm from their emotional mocking.  To me my emotional health is more important than a relationship with them.  I have given years to try to make it work, to heal, to find a balance or a way to work with them but eventually they start up again.  Eventually they do something incredibly hurtful again and I'm left picking myself up again. I finally understood I can't stop this or make it better so now for me its about helping myself.  The whole thing just simply wore me down over time.

Its a personal journey however reading a ton of books helped me, journaling which helped with the gas lighting.  I would write down things when they happened so that time couldn't distort what I had written or thought about the incident. 

I had doubts for a long time because I bought into what I was told that family is always there for each other, to be kind to each other etc.  There are so many ingrained messages however their actions are usually very different.  I'm sorry you are going through this, its tough.  I hope some of this helps.

[Tinkerbell]

Hi my mother has traits of NPD and my dad seems to be the enabler.  They were emotionally neglectful when I was a child and I saw the issues quite clearly as a child,  I knew the family was damaged and I planned to move out as soon as I reached 18 which I did.  Things then moved into a calmer period and like you it was hard to see, to believe that there were these really hurtful relationships.  I wasn't sure if I was just sensitive as my mother suggested or if what I was feeling was genuine, I guess that's what gaslighting does.  It took me many many years to finally admit that the relationships were not healthy for me.  Things that were done during this time were not as blatantly obvious although when I look back now some of them really were I just wasn't ready to admit that they were cruel at times on purpose, that they said cruel things and mocked me on purpose.  That's the thing though, they weren't consistently hurtful, they could tell when I was past my point and they pulled back were all nice and I then bought into the whole thing of family being family.

I eventually reached a stage I was so stressed around them I couldn't not see that something was very wrong.  I journaled which helped but I also stopped reacting to them and simply observed them for a while.  They ramped up trying to get a reaction and after that I couldn't unsee it. I have very limited contact with them now.  I felt for a long time that I needed proof, that I needed something really big to prove to me that it was justified in restricting contact.  The slights, the put downs, the lying about me, excluding me, would happen every now and again or over a
period of time however it was intermingled with normal conversations so it was crazy making.  If it was all bad I would have stopped it long ago.  It was terrible on some occasions but I was always left  with the feeling that family is family and sometimes you have misunderstandings and hurts.  To tell you the truth it took me an incredibly long time to acknowledge that my parents were purposely being cruel.  It goes against everything we believe a parent to be and it took me a long time to understand they are damaging to me and to a small extent I still don't fully understand it.  For me I don't think I care why now or what they may suffer with, I am just trying to protect myself from any further harm from their emotional mocking.  To me my emotional health is more important than a relationship with them.  I have given years to try to make it work, to heal, to find a balance or a way to work with them but eventually they start up again.  Eventually they do something incredibly hurtful again and I'm left picking myself up again. I finally understood I can't stop this or make it better so now for me its about helping myself.  The whole thing just simply wore me down over time.

Its a personal journey however reading a ton of books helped me, journaling which helped with the gas lighting.  I would write down things when they happened so that time couldn't distort what I had written or thought about the incident. 

I had doubts for a long time because I bought into what I was told that family is always there for each other, to be kind to each other etc.  There are so many ingrained messages however their actions are usually very different.  I'm sorry you are going through this, its tough.  I hope some of this helps.

Pff Hilltop, i just dont know where to begin. Thank you, thank you! Your story is exactly my story. Only difference is you did go NC already.
The part ´There are so many ingrained messages however their actions are usually very different´ sums it up quite good.
And the part ´To me my emotional health is more important than a relationship with them´ is so true. It shows that your self love level is on point!

Another member here suggested a book about borderline moms and Im interested in reading it, because maybe my mom has borderline (also). Still figuring out some things, exactly as you said, Im also observing and journaling. Very helpful during this process.
Im planning to upload my story soon here. I would love you to read it, if you want! Maybe you can relate.
Thanks again Hilltrop, love to speak again!

[scleractinia]

Tinkerbell - Yes, I had a similar family dynamic growing up. It helped me to read about covert narcissism, which you might also find interesting if you're not familiar. Briefly, it's the "introvert version" - rather than talking about how great they are, they try to manipulate you into saying it for them.

I actually did have one of those "really big" events, and... it feels odd to say it, but it definitely helped me realize that my mother's behavior wasn't healthy or normal, and avoid slipping (too far) back into the fog. I wouldn't recommend the experience, but it's kind of been the bedrock for later realizations.

My whole family went through a traumatic time when I was a teen - briefly, medical issues severe enough that people gasp when I talk about them, which I would expect anyone to be traumatized by. No surprise, I began showing obvious PTSD symptoms, like frequent nightmares and fear of the dark (as a teen, so this wasn't normal). When my mother became aware of this... rather than getting me help, as a teen going through a clear mental health crisis, she made it all about her. Apparently, my nightlight went out my window, bounced off the neighboring house, bounced back into her window, through the curtains and screen, and kept her up. (Yes, this was silly.) And apparently, she wasn't showing these symptoms, so no one else was allowed to - even though, of course, she was an adult with agency, and I was a child who had no control over the situation and limited coping skills.

That was... enough. I still felt terribly disloyal when I started to unpack the other issues in our relationship, but that was when I realized there was something very wrong, and no amount of gaslighting has been able to make me forget. I wonder if there's something in your life that might also help act as a cornerstone, which you've thought of as an "exception" or been encouraged to forget? Your judgment and conclusions are valid either way, of course!

My experience after that was a lot like the ones Danie talks about - I came to realize that everything is about her. Maybe more than that - I realized that she can't imagine a rational, honest adult coming to a different conclusion than she does, so anyone who disagrees is either not rational, not honest, or not adult. It's especially obvious when she starts talking about politics, but even silly things are like this - like, she can't believe anyone ACTUALLY likes oatmeal, because she doesn't. People are just pretending to spite her, or won't admit that they don't like oatmeal. She doesn't find women attractive, so she doesn't think anyone finds women attractive - despite the obvious! - and has tried to talk me out of it. It's like she really can't understand that other people are different from her.

I'm torn about whether she's truly PD herself, or if she 'just' has very, very heavy fleas, because she's mellowed out substantially since her parents passed away... but low-contact was best for me either way. She still doesn't have "theory of mind"; she's just less likely to shout, and I live far away which means I can just hang up when she's rude.

[Tinkerbell]

Tinkerbell - Yes, I had a similar family dynamic growing up. It helped me to read about covert narcissism, which you might also find interesting if you're not familiar. Briefly, it's the "introvert version" - rather than talking about how great they are, they try to manipulate you into saying it for them.

I actually did have one of those "really big" events, and... it feels odd to say it, but it definitely helped me realize that my mother's behavior wasn't healthy or normal, and avoid slipping (too far) back into the fog. I wouldn't recommend the experience, but it's kind of been the bedrock for later realizations.

My whole family went through a traumatic time when I was a teen - briefly, medical issues severe enough that people gasp when I talk about them, which I would expect anyone to be traumatized by. No surprise, I began showing obvious PTSD symptoms, like frequent nightmares and fear of the dark (as a teen, so this wasn't normal). When my mother became aware of this... rather than getting me help, as a teen going through a clear mental health crisis, she made it all about her. Apparently, my nightlight went out my window, bounced off the neighboring house, bounced back into her window, through the curtains and screen, and kept her up. (Yes, this was silly.) And apparently, she wasn't showing these symptoms, so no one else was allowed to - even though, of course, she was an adult with agency, and I was a child who had no control over the situation and limited coping skills.

That was... enough. I still felt terribly disloyal when I started to unpack the other issues in our relationship, but that was when I realized there was something very wrong, and no amount of gaslighting has been able to make me forget. I wonder if there's something in your life that might also help act as a cornerstone, which you've thought of as an "exception" or been encouraged to forget? Your judgment and conclusions are valid either way, of course!

My experience after that was a lot like the ones Danie talks about - I came to realize that everything is about her. Maybe more than that - I realized that she can't imagine a rational, honest adult coming to a different conclusion than she does, so anyone who disagrees is either not rational, not honest, or not adult. It's especially obvious when she starts talking about politics, but even silly things are like this - like, she can't believe anyone ACTUALLY likes oatmeal, because she doesn't. People are just pretending to spite her, or won't admit that they don't like oatmeal. She doesn't find women attractive, so she doesn't think anyone finds women attractive - despite the obvious! - and has tried to talk me out of it. It's like she really can't understand that other people are different from her.

I'm torn about whether she's truly PD herself, or if she 'just' has very, very heavy fleas, because she's mellowed out substantially since her parents passed away... but low-contact was best for me either way. She still doesn't have "theory of mind"; she's just less likely to shout, and I live far away which means I can just hang up when she's rude.

Hi scleractinia! Wow, your story is very helpful and similar to mine. Thank you! To answer your question.. I have indeed some memories that might help act as a cornerstone (i had to google this one, since my mother language is not English, haha!). My parents made the announcement after 35 years that my sibling doesnt share the same dad as mine, I think they encourage us to forget this insane choice not telling us earlier. Also, things like them moving away for work with the result of me getting out of the house at age 16 (because i had no choice) are things i think about lately. When I confronted them and said I was too young back then and I felt lonely at the age of 16 and I dont think this was good for me, my mom said; you never know! She ended the conversation with her words. So yes, there are things they encourage us to forget. But I think they dont know their daughter never forgets anything that made an impression (good or bad) ;-)
We have a lot in common. My mom also lost her mother when she was very young. I know for sure this is the main reason why she is the way she is (I also read about mourning as an adult over a lost parent). Im still figuring out what kind of a mother she had to understand more for myself.
Its hard to diagnose a parent, but our loyalty towards them isnt always what they deserve! We always look for answers, proof or permission. Funny right? But a good parent always makes you feel special, loved, encouraged, welcome, a child, you matter, you can be anything you want, appriciated etc !!  In the end we most chose ourselves, our life, our desicions, our happiness, our health. So, this being said, I will follow this advise today, tomorrow there will be doubts probably Thanks again for your reply! Take care!

[osee1]

Hi everyone,

Im new here.
What a great website for companions.
Im figuring out if my mom is a narcissist and my dad a flying monkey... Has anyone experienced this situation in particular?

There was emotional neglect from my childhood until now and I was and am the one my mom uses for her gaslighting and projection. Even though I did a lot of research and obervations i still have doubts sometimes. I know you all can relate.... Sometimes Im thinking I need proof (as if i dont have enough proof already...)

p.s. I really would like to get in contact with someone who has experienced (or is experiencing now) the above, maybe we can help eachother....
Furthermore I would really like to say; I have read a lot of your stories and I am proud of every single one of you! We all deserve a save childhood with a lot of love and empathy!!

Yours truly,
Tinkerbell

Greetings Tinkerbell. This is actually my first post here, as only very recently I found this forum. I feel a little the same. I actually just very recently came to looking into NPD, and in a very random way, by a youtube video, which when I was seeing it brought this waves of recognition, memories etc. I have since then been reading, researching, remembering, and exploring this. In my case though I think both my parents might be uNparents of different types (covert mother, grandiouse father). But ofcourse, I get you - doubt still lingers. With doubt its harder to overcome the guilt, and my mother is very good and emotional blackmail, guilting me and my sibling very strongly whenever she doesnt get what she wants. But they are my parents, am I being just complicated? Is it really like this? maybe they are just 'difficult' people and im too sensitive, and 'neglectful' as my mother always says. yeah these voices. so - not over that doubt yet myself.
Just yesterday my uNmother called me after a month of not talking (because I hardly ever initiate), and the moment the phone rang I knew it, I felt sick in the stomach, I pick up the phone and immediatly, not even hello - starts with dramatic, crying-like voice saying "I cannot believe, it is like you do not have a mother, one month without calling me, what kind of a child does that etc etc". To which I tried as calmly as possible to reply "well, you could have called anytime yourself too if you felt like", thinking that was quite reasonable, to which she goes on a stronger guilt trip saying with now a passive-aggressive tone that "ofcourse, the one that needs should call, and clearly you dont care for me". .... there is no winning.  I Guess the fact that such things make me feel physically nauseous is perhaps a sign that im on to something? ... anyway, still trying to develop that certainty myself, if that helps,  I think that aside from reading/research, for me remembering and journaling about episodes from my childhood/teens have helped a lot like to see that - That stuff was NOT normal.   

[Tinkerbell]

Hi everyone,

Im new here.
What a great website for companions.
Im figuring out if my mom is a narcissist and my dad a flying monkey... Has anyone experienced this situation in particular?

There was emotional neglect from my childhood until now and I was and am the one my mom uses for her gaslighting and projection. Even though I did a lot of research and obervations i still have doubts sometimes. I know you all can relate.... Sometimes Im thinking I need proof (as if i dont have enough proof already...)

p.s. I really would like to get in contact with someone who has experienced (or is experiencing now) the above, maybe we can help eachother....
Furthermore I would really like to say; I have read a lot of your stories and I am proud of every single one of you! We all deserve a save childhood with a lot of love and empathy!!

Yours truly,
Tinkerbell

Greetings Tinkerbell. This is actually my first post here, as only very recently I found this forum. I feel a little the same. I actually just very recently came to looking into NPD, and in a very random way, by a youtube video, which when I was seeing it brought this waves of recognition, memories etc. I have since then been reading, researching, remembering, and exploring this. In my case though I think both my parents might be uNparents of different types (covert mother, grandiouse father). But ofcourse, I get you - doubt still lingers. With doubt its harder to overcome the guilt, and my mother is very good and emotional blackmail, guilting me and my sibling very strongly whenever she doesnt get what she wants. But they are my parents, am I being just complicated? Is it really like this? maybe they are just 'difficult' people and im too sensitive, and 'neglectful' as my mother always says. yeah these voices. so - not over that doubt yet myself.
Just yesterday my uNmother called me after a month of not talking (because I hardly ever initiate), and the moment the phone rang I knew it, I felt sick in the stomach, I pick up the phone and immediatly, not even hello - starts with dramatic, crying-like voice saying "I cannot believe, it is like you do not have a mother, one month without calling me, what kind of a child does that etc etc". To which I tried as calmly as possible to reply "well, you could have called anytime yourself too if you felt like", thinking that was quite reasonable, to which she goes on a stronger guilt trip saying with now a passive-aggressive tone that "ofcourse, the one that needs should call, and clearly you dont care for me". .... there is no winning.  I Guess the fact that such things make me feel physically nauseous is perhaps a sign that im on to something? ... anyway, still trying to develop that certainty myself, if that helps,  I think that aside from reading/research, for me remembering and journaling about episodes from my childhood/teens have helped a lot like to see that - That stuff was NOT normal.

Hey Osee!
Thanks for your reply. Im sorry to hear that you also have to deal with an uNmother. Did you think about getting help from an expert in this topic? I have some help from a narcism expert for 2 months now and I must say i feel much better. Ofcourse this is something we have to deal with our whole life but we have to protect ourselves by indeed limited contact (or no contact at all) and have no expectations at all. Its hard, but with the right people around you, you can create a much more healthier and happier life for yourself. Dont forget! I wish you all the best!

[TreeDreamer]

Even though I did a lot of research and obervations i still have doubts sometimes. I know you all can relate.... Sometimes Im thinking I need proof (as if i dont have enough proof already...)

p.s. I really would like to get in contact with someone who has experienced (or is experiencing now) the above, maybe we can help eachother....
Furthermore I would really like to say; I have read a lot of your stories and I am proud of every single one of you! We all deserve a save childhood with a lot of love and empathy!!

I can relate to what you say about needing "proof" SO MUCH. Even though I have researched and observed and asked other people and thought and thought and thought... sometimes it is just so hard to accept some things as concrete reality.

I agree that everyone should have a childhood with a lot of love and empathy. So few do though, which is sad.