Sib policing what I say and where

[traumakorma]

It all came out a couple of years ago and I went nc with abusive parents. Sib has recently policed me after finding out I had told someone about it, nothing detailed just that they were abusive.  I was too hurt to really say anything when they chided me for talking about it but I knew it was a pivotal moment in that they had made it clear that I can go NC but am supposed to keep schtoom for the wider family narrative.  They've made it inadvertently clear that I'm less important than image haven't they. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that although they may not be PD the effect is the same and NC with them may be on the cards if they ever say anything again.  If they make me choose between facts and narrative they will lose, of that I am very, very sure.

PD parents, the gift that keeps giving...

[Cat of the Canals]

It sucks when our sibling relationships are effected by our PD parents. The gift that keeps giving, indeed.

I get along well with my brother, but he is in no way Out of the FOG. He's come to admit some of the dysfunction over the years, but he still has a tendency to rush to PDmom's defense if I criticize her behavior at all -- even if I'm doing so because of something she's done to him. I'm not sure he'll ever be able to recognize how everyone's first response to anything is to worry about poor, poor PDmom's feelings (and screw everyone else's).

It's hard to not be able to openly discuss these things with him. We've always been very close (partly because PDmom absolutely parentified me). But it's just too painful to have him jump to her defense the way he does. So I've learned to avoid talking about her issues directly. I try not to use the "PD" word. And I do my best to respond with Medium Chill responses when he complains about her. (It's also frustrating that he is "allowed" to vent, but I am not.)

(Also, thanks for the word "schtoom." I wasn't familiar with it before.  )