Weird bit of contact - aka a bit of a rant to clear my head

[Fortuna]

So I've been NC for not quite two years with my UPDmom. She doesn't try real hard, but when she does it's usually weird. like a delivered baked good , or changing her address to my address on a statement. so another bit of weirdness showed up recently.

My aunt (mom's sister) called asking for a Halloween costume my mom made and had since been passed to her kids some of my cousins kids, then back to my kids. She had her youngest grandchildren staying near Halloween and wanted me to ship the costume. No problem, we chat for a bit and I mention I got a new job. I don't give any specifics, just that I like it.  Now i have never mentioned to any family I've gone NC. I live far away, I rarely see them, rarely talk to them and I figure that anything I say to them will get back to my mom because the family dysfunction is kind thick up there and no one can keep a secret to save their lives. Well, about two weeks later I get a random text from my UPDmom, literally just the words 'current job openings' and a link to a site that somewhere on their job opening page has a position in my chosen field.
Now I cant imagine this is a coincidence. I talk to her sister about a job and now I'm getting job opening texted to me. but the whole thing is so weird. I told her I GOT a job, not that I was looking for one. I just can't figure out the thought process, like is she sending it so she can tell people she 'helped' me find a job and sent me listing, pretending he's still in my life and you know the most important person because she got me a job? Or can she not wrap her brain around me having one since I didn't when I went NC, or she didn't 'help' me? (She never helped get a job, I ALWAYS managed that without her.) Is it yet another way she's dismissing everything I do because the job I got couldn't possibly be better then the random one she found on a website? 
And I know I can't expect normal behavior from her, because if that was the case I wouldn't be NC, but if she was going to try and get my attention, wouldn't 'congrats!' or "how's the new job going' work better? I don't know, it bugs me. Like most of my interactions with her I'm left thinking, why would she say/do that? I've been wasting too much brain space on it, because I waste brain space on weird. I want to understand and she's something I just can't, there's always curve ball.
On the silver lining though, I made sure she's blocked on my new phone, which I'd forgotten about.

[Cat of the Canals]

Like most of my interactions with her I'm left thinking, why would she say/do that? I've been wasting too much brain space on it, because I waste brain space on weird. I want to understand and she's something I just can't, there's always curve ball.

I know that feeling all too well.
If this were my PDmil, and she was told by a third party that my husband or myself got a new job, her thinking would go something like this:
"Why didn't I know about this? There must be some reason they didn't tell me. I bet they got fired and they were too ashamed to tell me. Well that's a shame. If they don't get a job soon they'll probably end up in the gutter. They should be looking for a new job. I'm going to look up job listings and send them over."

She always leaps to the most negative possible conclusion. And she also always thinks her ideas are best and that everyone should just do what she's suggested. (This is despite having made plenty of poor choices in her own life....) PDmom is the same way. The notion that you do not WANT or NEED their input is beyond their understanding.

[Leonor]

Forgive my french, I've come to call this "b$#@-fishing."

It's a play. A ploy.

Of course she knows her sister spoke to you, and so she's using it to violate boundaries.

Now she's scored a little victory, because with one silly text she's let you know that:

A. Her sister is on her side, not yours;
B. She has information on you that you don't want her to have;
C. You still need her somehow; and
D. She can get to you whenever she wants.

It's a fiction, of course, but ignore it and move on. The only way to win is not to play.

She's fishing for info, for drama, for attention.

Silliness!

[Hilltop]

I was thinking along the same lines as Leonor.  Its just a game.  She sends you this to let you know that she knows your information.  She lets you know that your aunt has told her all about your conversation and what was said.  Its silly but it also gets under your skin, she knows it will and it did.  For some reason information is really important in PD land.

I am glad you blocked her on your new phone.  I guess you now know your aunt will pass on every bit of information you give.  Its now up to you to decide if you are comfortable with this.  Your mother won't send a normal text such as 'I heard about the new job, congratulations'.  No, it will be some weird game like what she did.  Its frustrating.

[Honey_B]

Yes, its a game. Maybe your NM talked to her sister about your conversation, maybe she didn't. It doesn't really matter.

She sends you this sh*t to be able to tell herself that SHE controls your life. She helps you get a job, because you're not able to get a job on your own. It's a passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn't consider you as an adult and capable person in your own right. That's what narcissistic people do, overt or covert, it's the same game. If you in anyway complain about her sending you the job ad, she can easily explain it away and play matyr... "I was just trying to be nice and help!".

It's a calculated tactic and at the core of narcissism. Its manipulation and you should shield yourself against it if at all possible. Don't give her a reaction, that's what she wants! The only weapon you have is silence

[kelleron]

It sucks that PD people do this. It is quite sad really. I can imagine that they think manipulation, creating chaos and overall being cruel, is the only safe way to interact with anyone, ever. As much as they love to play victim, this flawed logic doesn't condone their hurtful behaviour in any way.

What you should have gotten is a simple, "congrats!", instead your mom only knows how to push your buttons. It's a ploy to get a reaction from you, so they know they are in control. I used to get random guilt-ladden messages from my uBPDmom too. Erratic - one paragraph she's calling me unfilial and a terrible person, literally the next paragraph she is saying she's always loved me and prays to god I have a good life. I never know what to make of these. I just know she is less put together than I am.

I'm glad you blocked her number - you deserve better! I did that too. It has likely saved me some stress over a message I didn't even know about! I also put any emails from her into a separate folder from my main inbox. It gives me a sense of control. I decide when to read what she wrote, if I even read it at all. It gives me a good feeling of security.

[bee well]

I don't even know where to start, but I'll chime in because at times I thought my family was especially devious. Turns out there's nothing "special" about it.

The weird "gifts," the passive aggressive letting you know she knows (I'm also with Leonor on that one), the "playing martyr," the "weird coincidences."  All of it! It's all weird.

It's all so crazy making (and that's what they want!) This is the kind of stuff that when told singularly, people don't get.  (The old, "Oh, I'm sure they didn't mean it that way...") That's why we keep it to ourselves!

I can feel a rant coming on so I'll keep this one short.

Anyway, I just wanted to express my maximum solidarity. These things are not in our imaginations, contrary to popular belief.

I'm so glad people can express these things here, and to see the number of responses on this thread.

[daughter]

"Messages" via flying monkeys, yes, intended to convey another poke to establish that they still can, and will do so, to prove point.

Often these messages betray the dysfunctional thoughts not intended to be conveyed, so reminding us of the crazy-making stuff no longer a daily presence.

[olivegirl]

Yes, I recognize this move and I also see it as a warning shot.

Don't expose me to my sister.

Watch what you say Bc it all comes back to me.

My sister is loyal to me.

It's definitely about control and dominance.

Don't feed the troll;  ignore it completely.