BPD Mom "Doesn't want to walk on eggshells" - ha!

[Iris1022]

I had a phone call with my uBPD mom the other day and she threw one of her classic tantrums. She hurled insults at me about how I neglect her, how I spend more time with my in laws, how I don't bring my daughter to visit her often enough, how this year's Thanksgiving plans are not to her liking, etc. Pretty much par for the narcissistic course, right? Well, here's the kicker...toward the end of her rant, she exclaimed that she didn't want to have to walk on eggshells around me and the rest of the family. It took every ounce of self control not to laugh out loud at that one. Talk about turning things around on people! The rest of the family is constantly walking on eggshells because of her antics!

Thought I would share that with all of you because I know you will get the absurdity of it!

[Andeza]

Woooh! Projection at its finest right there. Boy howdy, it's amazing you didn't laugh your butt off. I'm always amazed by how much PD tantrums resemble toddler tantrums. I've got a two year old and we're in the thick of it right now, and I'm just flabbergasted to realize that adults are acting just like this little child that doesn't understand the world, consequences of decisions, or the inherent dangers of certain actions. With more or less floor rolling, kicking, and screaming involved depending on the PD...

[daughter]

My NParents often complained to ME that they "walked in eggshells" around GC nsis, my only sibling, while proclaiming their right "to say and do whatever they want, because that's how it is" towards me.

They openly acknowledged their radically different expectations towards their two daughters, SG "dutiful daughter" me, other being "princess" nsis. 

[SunnyMeadow]

I had a phone call with my uBPD mom the other day and she threw one of her classic tantrums. She hurled insults at me about how I neglect her, how I spend more time with my in laws, how I don't bring my daughter to visit her often enough, how this year's Thanksgiving plans are not to her liking, etc. Pretty much par for the narcissistic course, right?

Isn't that the truth! 100% par for the course. I have heard those exact comments and was subjected to tears and a quivering chin because "you spend so much more time with your in-laws".

She walks on eggshells....   

[LemonLime]

Oh yes, that is some mighty fine Projection!!   An oldie but a goodie.  Always serves its purpose.   Sheesh.

My sib indicates to me that I'm "moody, and she's never quite sure what she'll get" with me.
So strange.  NOBODY else in my life has indicated anything of the sort.  Whadda ya know. 

It's so ridiculous.

[Leonor]

Oh, me too.

You just love them more than meeeeee....

Meanwhile, over at the ILs ...

We can't even see our grandchillllllldreeeennnn

I actually think they look things up or talk to friends or go to online support groups for pouty parents or something. "Walking on eggshells" isn't all THAT common in regular old English, but anyone with family dysfunction has heard about the book. It's the same thing as dropping phrases like "lost daughter" or "recovered memories" or "bad therapy" ... gaslighting and darvo galore!

[Call Me Cordelia]

I've heard that one too. My MiL raged at me and I had a problem with that. Poor lady had to walk on eggshells with me ever afterwards. I was just determined to see her in a bad light no matter how nice she was.

The thing is that historically I had always rolled out the red carpet for the ILs, done everything possible to make them happy. She just didn't see any reason why I should change. She certainly hadn't. She was the same perfect MIL she'd always been.

[Nominuke]

Reminds of one time after an argument about Nparent's bad behaviour.

Nparent and enabler were saying how wonderful Nparent was and that they were a great person. That there was literally nothing Nparent wouldn't do for the family.

Nparent "Except walking on eggshells, I don't see why I have to do that around you"

[Tribe16]

Fun isn't it?

PDmom accused me of lacking empathy (after a high-drama, angst-inducing, blame/shame, hand-wringing vent session about her horrible life). Because I told her 1) I'm tired of trying to live up to her expectations and 2) I can't fix her marriage. This is the same person who asks "Why are you calling me? I can see what I want on Facebook."

In her world, because I no longer want to hear her diss my dad, because I moved more than a day away due to my husband's job, I lack empathy now.

Eggshells, indeed.

[JollyJazz]

here's the kicker...toward the end of her rant, she exclaimed that she didn't want to have to walk on eggshells around me and the rest of the family.

Lol! Poor little waif!

Yep DARVO at its finest, lol.

Urrgh, like you and many of the others posting here on these boards, I have also experienced temper tantrums after setting a completely mild boundary, or sometimes even just you know, breathing wrong.

It's awesome that you can see this for what it is, and that you can laugh at it.

Survivors of BPD parents have had to spend our LIVES walking on egg shells from earliest childhood. Instead of a warm caring, supportive parent, we had a raging, guilt tripping, insulting, critical, stalking, in some cases violent (verbally and/or physically) abuser to terrorize us through our formative years.

Anyway, just sending you encouragement and support! It sounds like you are setting boundaries and asserting yourself - doing lots of things RIGHT! 

[j.banquo]

That phrase is a favorite of my uBPD mother's, and a few abusive exes as well. Classic, I guess.

[Honey_B]

"Doesn't want to walk on eggshells"

Translation = You put up boundaries and I can't act out whenever I want to in order to get my way and have everybody do what I want them to, so you're mean!

[Poppy]

Oh my god priceless!

I once held my Nmom accountable for treating my son badly and she would have none of it.
She demanded we come to her house to further chastise my 5y/o son for 'bad behavior'. Of course it was mainly her own behavior that was poor that day, baiting him like she used to bait me.
I refused, so she set an ultimatum we come over or she would cut contact with me and my family because 'she needed to protect her boundaries'

Are these people for real??

I told her I don't respond to threats and ultimatums so we were discarded.

[j.banquo]

... she set an ultimatum we come over or she would cut contact with me and my family because 'she needed to protect her boundaries'

Are these people for real??

I told her I don't respond to threats and ultimatums so we were discarded.

I found out real quick that when I really sat down and explained boundaries, the concept was just used against me, not absorbed, lol...

[jennfr]

"Doesn't want to walk on eggshells"

Translation = You put up boundaries and I can't act out whenever I want to in order to get my way and have everybody do what I want them to, so you're mean!

This is SO ACCURATE!

I have heard this phrase soo many times for so much of my life from my BPD mom, basically for my own failures to carefully enough avoid Her eggshells.