Psychosis and paranoia

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1foot, thanks. There was a lot in your post but the thing that jumped out at me was the blood pressure med. i could see that helping to take a bit of edge off. Plus I have a shot at maybe making it happen, though it might take most of a year lol. I think he would not object to the med but seeing a doc is a major obstacle.

The sleep issue is major but I have NO control or even influence. Before I was Out of the FOG I tried very hard and failed in every way except one - got him to a sleep study and he got a cpap (and he uses it). So I just apply the serenity prayer here and accept what I cannot change, because sister, I can't change this.

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My next thought here is about control.

Apparently it's common for people who suffer paranoia to feel like they have no control. It seems like it may be part of the foundation of paranoia. If you cannot protect yourself at all then vigilence is your only and last line of defense.

This may manifest beyond the paranoia itself. Some sufferers are nonfunctional. My H is right on the line of nonfunctioning, we are down to the absolute basics. There is no motivation to do or improve anything. If he has no control then why exert precious energy trying? If the universe is out to get him, the universe will win.

Many are fixated on conspiracy theories. The common link of all conspiracy theories is that there are powerful people pulling the strings. These people often have supernatural or even godlike powers to control many details of the world exactly the way they want to. And the rest of the people are simply pawns in their schemes.

My H is intrigued by conspiracy theories but thankfully he has not actually subscribed. They interest him. He talks to me about them. I shoot them down, some patiently and sometimes I have no patience. (Note: keep patience, it's actually worthwhile.) Despite hating my guts and hoping I die, he seems to value my opinion, lol. Some theories he has totally denounced after consideration, some he continues to consider but holds at bay.

I don't know if it's kind of comforting in a weird way for some people to think there is SOMEONE in control of the universe at least, even if that someone, who is not God, is by definition evil. Or at least that there is some kind of plan or order behind all the suffering. Because it does seem maybe a but better to think that the suffering means something, rather than you just had a shit roll of the dice and landed abusive parents - especially when others (like me) landed good enough parents and go through life without this incredible burden on their backs. Why do those people get let off the hook when others have to suffer so bad? Btw I am very sorry to those of you who got the worst roll. It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it.

[SonofThunder]

Square, that is very deep and interesting.  I will reread it for understanding and comment if anything comes to mind. Either way, it sounds difficult for you and am sorry you experience so much from your husband. 

SoT

[1footouttadefog]

I failed to mention that the BP med is also helpful as a sleep aid.  It is taken at night and helps with the agitation and nightmares.

You can take measures to insure your own sleep.  I know from experience that if the pd does not sleep well it can impact the partner as well. 

Sleep in another room if needed, your sleep is important and your health matters. 

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I have my own room. And earplugs.

Very interesting that BP meds might support sleep as well.

I take a beta blocker when he yells at me, because my heart races and it almost hurts. It works really well for me and yes, allows me to sleep after the blowup. It doesn't make me sleepy, it just fixes the racing heart effect that I can't possibly sleep through.

I really want to make this happen. It will probably take months, though. It has to be handled perfectly the first time, can't clean up any mistakes later. So I have to wait for just the right time.