"Clear the Air" - WTH?

[Justme729]

 I really just want to cry.  I started to post something yesterday about work, in the mists of a panic attack.   I deleted it, but it is still really on my mind. 

I went to the dentist today due a tooth hurting.  I'm grinding and clenching my teeth.  I cracked off the very outside layer of a filling.   They put a sealant on it and some fluoride.  They hope that and treating with antibiotics (I've had sinus congestion for 2 or 3 weeks now) will remedy the situation.   The whole reason I'm having sinus issues is because "she" insists on all of us eating together in an area where social distancing is not possible.   "She" refused to stay home while she was sick.  I have asthma and can't wear a mask when congested and the asthma is flaring up.  My anxiety has increased drastically since starting this new job.  I was taking two medications for anxiety, one to help sleep - "breakthrough anxiety" they called it.  I weaned off of it over 6 months ago.  Now I am taking it full time again.  My normal anxiety medicine is not doing anything.  Because of "her" I am spending more money on medication.   Spending time with my therapist discussing better ways to cope or even simply manage the situation. 

I've been trying to hold it together since we are buying a house.  I've been trying to hold it together because "she's" just a person who means nothing to me.  I've been trying to hold it together because I like everything else (overall). 

I am tired of hearing her talk about children, especially children who have various needs.  In a negative light.  I am tired of being talked at and told I can't do what I know is best for me and my students.  I mean, I can't even use a plastic zipper pouch because she wants a construction paper folder.  I am tired of being told I'm not a team player because I do not stay 1.5 hours after school or arrive 1-1.5 hours before school.  I am tired.   I am tired of being told I'm not doing my share when I've asked them for the originals of the millions of copies and lamination they insist we do daily - so I can do my share and not burden them.   I am told no, but it is held over my head. 

"She" said some things, that an individual overheard.  That individual asked me if "she" really said what she thought she overheard.  I said yes.  Now we need to have a meeting to "clear the air."  What is there to clear the air about? "You" have ran off more teachers that one can count.  The answer has been to move people to other grades or leave.  Finally people are not tolerating the abuse.  I will not tolerate the abuse.  I am tired of not feeling safe. 

[bloomie]

Justme729 - I hope you are feeling better, health wise. Thankful you got into the dentist and have the support of a T as you navigate these challenges at work.

Will you have support, or some kind of advocate, as you meet to clear the air?

[Justme729]

Justme729 - I hope you are feeling better, health wise. Thankful you got into the dentist and have the support of a T as you navigate these challenges at work.

Will you have support, or some kind of advocate, as you meet to clear the air?

I spoke to the boss.  I opened the flood gates of what is going on with the team. I let her know I have documentation of her harassment, retaliation and bullying that are creating a hostile work environment.  That it is unacceptable.  That I realize this is not the first time nor will it be the last.  It was a productive conversation.   I was basically told I'll be changing teams next year (in August).  That I should count down the days until June (when our year ends).  That we must remain professional, we should approach the situation as roommates who dislike each other, but still have to live in the home because the lease isn't over.   Among some other analogies.  I like the company overall, so I don't want to let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch.  So I am trying to find a balance between what I can tolerate as far as interactions with her and where I will draw the line.  Where I can continue to extend an Olive Branch or wont.  I've talked to coaches and other employees who have worked on a team with this person - I've also spoken to good friends and mentors outside my organization.  I feel good about the approach - I just don't want to put myself in a position to continue to be bullied and harassed.  That is my therapist's biggest concern for me is putting myself out there to extend an Olive Branch when there is no return and clearly not welcomed.  She's worried how it will impact my mental well being since I've already had to increase my medication and such.   I feel very fragile right now, but the new team is already welcoming me with open arms and said I'll feel so much better once I'm away from the toxic negativity.   

[Justme729]

And discussion today:  "How do you avoid burn out?"  My response:  "by being realistic about what I can or can't do, setting boundaries, and sticking with them.  Making sure that when I'm at work I give it 100%, but also when I'm with my family they get me 100%.  Staying late or working on the weekend doesn't make me better at my job."

[bee well]

I feel for your situation, Just Me 729. Please continue to take care of yourself and your needs. Having a productive conversation with the Boss is a very big step. Glad to hear the new team is welcoming you, and that you can discuss things with a therapist.  All best to you.

[Coyote23]

Hang in there! I'm sure you will find more clarity once you get the tooth thing and the infection at bay. Do you have a mouth guard for the grinding? Also, I did not know this but grinding can be a sign of sleep apnea. Have you ever had a sleep study?

It might not be a bad idea to sit down with your therapist and create a strategy for making it to June, mental health intact. The strategy could involve both distress tolerance and calming techniques and logistics of how to be around the person less.

Regardless, I hope you can prioritize your health right now! Wishing you some hot soup and a comfortable bed.

[Justme729]

Thank you guys; things seemed better - but just went back up in flames.   I have so little patience these days for the individuals on this "team".   I make a new post ask forgiveness or permission.  I'm just really disheartened by all that is going on/has gone on.