the hell that is Xmas!

[Happypants]

P123 - you're doing great!  You know that your most important job is to be a good father, and your dad is making it impossible for you to fill the role of "good son" in tandem with that most important role thanks to his typical pd criteria for what constitutes a "good soon". Next time you're struggling with the notion that you're perhaps not following your own moral code where loyalty towards your father is concerned, think ahead to the future when you'll look back and know you made the right choice for your kids (and your grandkids thanks to your example). Hang on in there 

[FlowerPot]

P123 - keep going, you have all our support as we know exactly what you are going through.

Have to laugh though really - when parents were alive the organisation of Xmas was always so tense and uncomfortable and grumpy - earlier in the week was sorting Xmas day with my 2  twenty something kids, they have grown up with me and them being incredibly polite to each other, not imposing views, respecting wishes etc etc - the effect was that it took hours to sort out what we were going to do on Xmas day as no-one wanted to be bossy and impose anything - lots of "whatever everyone else wants to do" 

It has taken 30+ years to get here but I am going to love every minute of it, but will send good wishes to P123 that their Xmases go OK and you spend time with your children

[sandpiper]

Pro tip: next time they say something like 'Brother is having Greek food for Xmas and we don't like it' - your response should be 'Wow, really? What a coincidence. We're having Greek food too, I guess we must've all been watching the same cooking shows on TV.'
Xmas with PD relatives is hell.
I've managed to dodge Xmas with my assorted collection and just dodging it has been exhausting and dispiriting.
I feel your pain. They really are just hell to deal with.
xxx

[daughter]

A quick Merry Christmas to everyone, wishing you a safe and tranquil holiday!

[Kiki81]

It would seem your choices are:
1. Meet your commitment as a husband.
2. Meet your commitment as a father.
3. Submit to the control of your father, to whom you've made no vows.

[IntoTheLight]

We went away with Christmas. I'm sure my parents didn't like that, but when we do spend Christmas together, they are never interested in me. They never are. But I'm pretty sure they didn't like the fact that we weren't together with Christmas. I really hate Christmas. It brings out everything that lacks in my FOO...

[p123]

It would seem your choices are:
1. Meet your commitment as a husband.
2. Meet your commitment as a father.
3. Submit to the control of your father, to whom you've made no vows.

Of course with a normal parent this never becomes and issue of choice.... Unless they force it.

[p123]

Well (apart from boxing day) I had a lovely Xmas day this year with No Dad there!

No demands to pick him up when he wants....
No driving hour round strip to collect him.
No watching him lay of thick how ill he is and pretending he cant walk.
No sitting in fear as his conversations become more and more innappropriate
No more watching as his lack of manners annoy everyone.
No looking at my wifes face as if she wants to kill him!
No more looking at my watch and thinking "how much longer is he going to stay?"
No more hour round trip to take him home (getting home at 8-9pm).

On bad years,
No more arguments because I refuse to collect him at 10am because I want to see my kids open their presents (and he disagrees)
No more arguments about "there'll be other years for your kids" i.e. put him first!
No more seeing my wife in tears because hes rolled out another innappropriate and upsetting story about when he was young (wont go into details)
No more seeing my wife in tears when he starts on his opinion of my kids are spoiled and we shouldnt spend so much on them, and we need our heads banging together.
No more sitting in house after dropping him off talking him out of calling an ambulance for hours because "he wasnt going to make the night". (There was nothing wrong with him - stupidly I stayed, my kids were in bed when I got home, always regret that)

[IntoTheLight]

Glad you had a nice Christmas! Great job enforcing your boundaries! Your father can make a choice for next year.

- Eat greek food next time at your brothers house. Who doesn't like greek food? All the Moussaka, Souvlaki and greek salad!
- Spend Christmas alone. I did this once when I was single, and it was great! Walking around in PJ's and eating all the left over food.
- Apologise to you and your wife, and adjust his behavior.

Boy, three choices on Christmas day. He is a blessed man.

[p123]

Glad you had a nice Christmas! Great job enforcing your boundaries! Your father can make a choice for next year.

- Eat greek food next time at your brothers house. Who doesn't like greek food? All the Moussaka, Souvlaki and greek salad!
- Spend Christmas alone. I did this once when I was single, and it was great! Walking around in PJ's and eating all the left over food.
- Apologise to you and your wife, and adjust his behavior.

Boy, three choices on Christmas day. He is a blessed man.

1. Nope. All non-british food is foreign muck.... And he expects everyone to change plans to suit him.
3. Never in a million years because "its so unfair I've done nothing wrong"

2. It is then!