Silly and trivial, but..

[Associate of Daniel]

I have a colandar that I want to get rid of - but I also don't want to.

It's brand new but about 10 years old. A lovely, large, white enamel one. 

(For those who don't know, a colandar is a sturdy seive. Good for draining spaghetti.)

I like this colandar but it's really too large for anything I do.  I've tried repurposing it but it just doesn't seem to work.

Usually with items like this I'd give them away - friend; op shop.  But this colandar is tainted and so I can't quite bring myself to pass it on.

You see, I originally bought it for my uNPD exH's uNPD now wife.  Back when he and I were still married and they were having an affair.

What?!?!

You see, she used to attend most of his family's Christmas get togethers. (And birthdays, mothers' and fathers' days etc.) And she'd bring gifts for everyone.

So I felt obligated to give her gifts as well.

One year she was in the process of buying her apartment - the one my uNPD exH moved into when he left me.  So I bought the colandar as a practical christmas/house warming gift.

(I'm really not that good at gift ideas!)

Anyway.  That particular year she didn't show.   

So I've had this colandar ever since and she has no clue that it exists.

But, because it was intended for her, in my mind, it's tainted. Even though she has no knowledge of it's existence.

So, do I give it away? Find a new use for it?

I'm not really asking. I think I already know the answer.

But isn't it silly, the things we sometimes get stuck on?

AOD

[hhaw]

It sounds lovely, AOD.

I can picture you passing it on to a young single parent with a garden.  It sounds like it would be a nice size to harvest veggies with, then straight into the sink for rinsing.

[Associate of Daniel]

Isn't that funny, Hhaw?

As I wrote that I wondered if it could be used as a pot in the garden for a plant.  Or would it have too many holes?

The thought of filling with dirt an item that is "tainted" by the uNPD gave me a small smile.

(Sorry, Lord!)

AOD

[Spygirl]

Isnt it wierd how the pd still inhabits so much of our mind? As far as i have come, its like i carry a piece of this person in my brain who is always- arms crossed, standing in the background of my day, as a silent witness to my choices.

[hhaw]

Ya, AOD.  I get garden when I think of it too.

What I don't get is your garden.  I don't want you to have that reminder.  I want you to free up that space in your mind and take it back.
Sending the colander into the world, into a new home where the colander holds no negative energy might feel amazing for you.  It might feel like a bit of closure. 

On the other hand, and there's always another hand.... using that colander in your garden might feel like exorcising a demon.  I can picture using it to plant things in places you'll move around.  It provides good drainage... is like a pot, as you were thinking. 

Turning it into something different than intended might be transformative for you.  It might mark letting go, rather than hanging on, kwim?

If it brings you joy... maybe keep it.

If it brings you anything else.... maybe let it go.

Whatever you choose.. you can always change your mind and there's never a perfect solution is there?

You're more than capable of making the right choice for yourself.  I'll say that with confidence.

::nod::

[guitarman]

I get triggered by inanimate objects frequently.

I saw a video on Instagram recently where an artist painted a plain white enamel mug with enamel paints. They looked very good. He used white spirit to clean his small brushes. He just used two colours. Model makers use enamel paints.

Maybe you could repurpose it in the garden as others have suggested.

I saw another video of a gardener using a colander as a hanging basket. They lined it first with bubble wrap so that the sun didn't scorch any roots and made drainage holes in it. Then they planted it with peas. They used marrowfat peas. They were planted very closely as they were growing them for pea shoots.

If you are not going to get rid of the colander from your life why are you hanging onto it? Why do you want that constant reminder in your life? Maybe you don't want to let it go.

Jack Kornfield says...

"In the end there are three things that matter
How well we have lived.
How well we have loved.
How well we have learned to let go."

[Associate of Daniel]

Congratulate me, folks.

I ditched the colandar today!  It's now at the local op shop...

AOD

[SonofThunder]

Congratulate me, folks.

I ditched the colandar today!  It's now at the local op shop...

AOD

Way to be decisive AOD!  Sorry that thing was such a strainer....🙄 😂

[Associate of Daniel]

😆😉

[Andeza]

Hehehe, great dad joke, SoT. Glad you were able to get rid of it, AoD.

[1footouttadefog]

I would put it in a community swap shed or donate it to a thrift store. 

Imagine the joy of the person who finds such a nice bargain and gleefully pays far less then retail for it.

You meant it as a gift so give it away.  It will bring joy to whoever ends up with it and you will have accomplished your original goal of being a giver.

[Worthy of Care]

Congratulations on getting rid of the colander. There were a lot of feelings connected to that object.

[Boat Babe]

I get triggered by inanimate objects frequently.

I saw a video on Instagram recently where an artist painted a plain white enamel mug with enamel paints. They looked very good. He used white spirit to clean his small brushes. He just used two colours. Model makers use enamel paints.

Maybe you could repurpose it in the garden as others have suggested.

I saw another video of a gardener using a colander as a hanging basket. They lined it first with bubble wrap so that the sun didn't scorch any roots and made drainage holes in it. Then they planted it with peas. They used marrowfat peas. They were planted very closely as they were growing them for pea shoots.

If you are not going to get rid of the colander from your life why are you hanging onto it? Why do you want that constant reminder in your life? Maybe you don't want to let it go.

Jack Kornfield says...

"In the end there are three things that matter
How well we have lived.
How well we have loved.
How well we have learned to let go."

I just love that last quote. I listen to a lot of Jack Kornfield. He's a wonderful teacher. Sharon Salzburg too.

[xredshoesx]

Congratulate me, folks.

I ditched the colandar today!  It's now at the local op shop...

AOD

i was wondering how this was going to you.  i've made objects emotionally symbolic and completely understand how freeing it is to be able to give them away and cut that tie.  i am so glad you were finally able to rid of it.