Mental crash every time I break a barrier

[sambellscoup]

I feel like whenever I push through a big mental barrier, I feel good in the moment, but then for a whole week afterwards I feel like I implode on myself. Like I'm having a bit of a crisis, because I'm so shocked that I was able to do any of what I just did, and that my life could even be doing in this direction. It's a word sort of panic combined with some negative self-talk and scepticism that this will work for me as a new way to live.

It's hard to know, if I choose to hold back a bit from my next big step, whether I'm succumbing to a fear of dealing with this rather horrible aftereffect, or whether I'm actually being sensible and calculated with how many barriers I try to break down in a short space of time. How do I tell one from the other? I'm so familiar with stopping myself short, I'm not sure I recognise the difference between that and actually just being genuinely careful and gentle with myself.

[pianissimo]

It's hard to know, if I choose to hold back a bit from my next big step, whether I'm succumbing to a fear of dealing with this rather horrible aftereffect, or whether I'm actually being sensible and calculated with how many barriers I try to break down in a short space of time. How do I tell one from the other? I'm so familiar with stopping myself short, I'm not sure I recognise the difference between that and actually just being genuinely careful and gentle with myself.

I'm familiar what you are describing here. When I do something fearful, I have two urges: To do it despite the fear or to run away from situations that triggers my fear. So, if I'm not running away (for example, if I remain in the situation that scares me without doing what I fear to do), for me, this is "not succumbing to the fear".

I don't know if this is the case for you too, but, I have recently realised that, when I feel good, I overestimate my coping abilities. For example, I forget how dealing with certain challenges makes me feel miserable, so, I don't take precautions I'm supposed to take, and the idea of accommodating my needs feels like not trying hard enough.