Contacting an elderly parent's doctor

[Tribe16]

Is it morally wrong to send a letter to an elderly uPDparent's doctor with concerns about said parent's mental state?

I don't have a POA. I know doctor could not respond to me due to HIPPA.  uPDParent is currently not speaking to me and is, I believe, emotionally abusive to my other parent due to extreme depression and irrational thinking. uPDParent can be very charming and mask bad behavior in public. EnParent is very loyal and afraid to "rock the boat". Both parents see the same GP. I would like to make the GP aware of the dynamics at home but I'm not sure if it would be right to do so. And if uPDParent ever found out I did that, it would make hell for my enParent.

Is anybody a doctor or nurse that can tell me if you are obligated to share that type of received information with their patient? If that info was received, how might it be acted upon? Thank you.

[moglow]

As you mentioned, HIPPA doesnt allow them to tell you anything without a patient's specific consent. If you were to send a letter expressing concerns ... I honestly don't know that they're obligated to share with the patient. It might confirm niggling concerns they have already  but without something to report I don't know they could "do" anything. Emotional abuse is harder to act on as you know, plus even if questioned Dad might defend her. If they suspect elder abuse that could shift pretty quickly as they'd be considered mandatory reporters.

Have you thought of anonymous call to Elder Services in their area?

[Tribe16]

Yes, I even had an interesting call with a social worker in their local agency - she suggested I request a wellness check... just not quite ready to go that route. Why? Because Mom will be charming, the house will look great, Dad won't say anything. I just think it will only stir the pot. I think before that happens, she has to do something really crazy and I need to look her in the eye and tell her I'm going to do it and then follow through, but I don't think it would do any good at this point. Mom is emotionally unstable, but she does take care of all the physical stuff for Dad and does a good job as far as I can tell.