Narc In laws got found out (after 13 years of marriage) help me get away

[Jay78]

Hi guys

I could type here for days pointing out all the manipulation and underhand tactics pf these people but I will spare you!

I have been pretty much ruined mentally by my narcissist in laws, my wife is the family scapegoat and has been the abused from what I know from day 1, she is now 40.

After 13 years of watching this family go about there business in usual narcissist fashion I finally worked out what the hell has been going on all these years thanks to Youtube and Dr Ramani, oh what a relief to actually here that Im not mad and all this is going on but nobody can see it.
I have been pointing this all out for many years to my wife and she does know she is the scapegoat even here sisters have admitted she is the "black sheep" of the family. The amount of gaslighting from these people is off the ricter scale and have had me second guessing myself for years.

I want to elaborate and tell a few stories to paint a picture somewhat.

Most recent thing that happened was this!

My wife and I have a son hes 11 and has autism. Every year we meet up with my wifes siblings to goto a Christmas market where there are rides for kids and beers and massive hot dogs etc, its called the German Christmas Market (its in UK)

So my wifes older sister (Golden Child) says to us be at our house for 2pm on Saturday (its an hours drive) So we set out at 1pm as it doesnt matter too much if we are a few mins early or late.
At 1:30pm she rings us "WHERE ARE YOU GUYS"

We are half hour away so all good?

No, we said 1pm and your running late, what you need to do is drive to the train station leave your car there and meet us in Birmingham, my wife said no way we got a boot full of Christmas presents and we just need to drop them at your house before we leave as agreed when we arranged 2pm.

So the golden child was trying her very best to quickly leave and jump on the train with the rest of the family leaving us behind to catch up.

We refused and just drove to her house, when we got there NOBODY was even ready to leave, still getting dressed and having showers etc etc....

She was purposely trying to make us angry as this is what they always do to my wife, so when she makes any attempt to say anything its met with fingers being pointed saying "LOOK AT YOU SO SENSITIVE"

When asked why did you do that anyway the answer was (I DONT KNOW) and thats the end of that.


MY PARENTS dont even speak to this family anymore as we caught that dad once saying a racist comment about my mother (she is a white lady) my in laws are Indian.

I have 1000 different stories to tell so feel free to ask for more accounts of the narcissism.

My main question here is what can I do, I really want out TBH but my wife seems to just keep going back for more and more telling me they will change. Give them another chance, now fast forward to 13 years of marriage I see they WONT CHANGE EVER.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You will find a lot of information and support on this site. I suggest reading the Toolbox and personality disorders/ traits as a start.
As for your question- you might have to let your wife do what she wants to do and make a decision for yourself only. If you feel that interaction with your in laws is bad for you and you feel better if you have no contact with them all - then this is what you should do. And let your wife make her own choice.

[AlisonWonder]

Jay78, that sounds awful, just awful.  No advice sorry,  I really like the resources here though. This is just to say, "I don't think it's you."