Alienation Concerns

[verum71]

I had a weird incident come up last week.  I was at a family event event with my girlfriend, her kids, my oldest son and his fiance , and my 15 y/o daughter.  At some point my daughter pulled my oldest son's fiance aside and said "I'm just going to tell you that I'm not going to be living at my Dad's (me) house anymore." My future daughter in-law did not know what to say - it seemed so random and coming out of nowhere.  My son filled me in about this the following day and I met with them to talk about it and express what my concerns were.  I can't seem to shake that nagging feeling that things are being put into play so that my daughter can say "I want to go to my mom's house".  My oldest decided to move in with me during his senior year in HS.  My middle son decided to move in with his mom at 15 - this turned out to be a friggin trainwreck for him.  I'm not sure if I should be proactive and say something to my 15 y/o daughter or not.  My oldest son also has strong feelings that it would be a horrible idea for her to move in to BPDx's house as well.

[square]

When my husband was an older teen, he decided he wanted to move in with his dad.

His mother usually is controlling and overreacts, but in this instance she just let him.

He lived with his dad a while and found out plenty about him. And he could take what he learned on board because he didn't have to save face with his mother or anything like that.

[athene1399]

This could be tricky because if your D told your future daughter-in-law, maybe she wasn't supposed to tell you. IMO you can wait and see if more things come up that show your D is planning on moving or you can confront her and say something like "I heard from so and so that you are considering moving in with mom. Do you want to talk about this?" It may help to open up a dialogue about why she feels this way. IME if her answer for wanting to live with your ex is "I don't know, I just do," that may be an indication of Parental Alienation.