NC week 2 - The Year of the Cat, and she attempts contact

[foobarred]

Obligatory song reference: Al Stewart - The Year of the Cat https://vimeo.com/380782044

When Mom went to Independent Living, she left her cat Charlie behind.  I begged her to take him, said he would be a good companion to her.  "No, I can't take care of him b/c I'm dyyyiiiinnnggg!"  So her plan was to dump this elderly, FIV(+) cat with no teeth that she's owned for years out on the street.  "He'll be fine", she said.

Well, I didn't think so.  And none of the cat people I talked to thought so, either.  So now Charlie is with me.  And good thing, too, b/c he was sick with a URI that she hadn't noticed.  He subsequently got colitis, and has required 2 trips to the vet to the tune of $800+ so far.  And oh, he has an anterior lens dislocation in his right eye due to glaucoma, which she also didn't notice, which will need a specialist.  In the meantime he has liquid poops, which he has trouble controlling, which means he's basically sh*tting all over my apartment.  And I'm desperately trying to keep my own elderly cat from getting infected.

I just resent the irony.  I went NC in exchange for not having to deal with her sh*t.  And now here I am, literally dealing with her sh*t (well, sh*t by proxy).  It's like I made this hugely painful decision that I agonized over for over a year, and forfeited my financial security, and nothing has changed.  It's frustrating and discouraging.

To top it off, she tried to contact me via my caretaker R.  Told R it was "very important and urgent" that I get in touch with her.

I didn't.  I dunno whether to be pleased with that or horrified.   Shouldn't I feel something?  But I'm just tired.

The good thing about it is that R was very uncomfortable with the situation, and wanted my opinion.  I told her that while I don't have the right to tell her who she can and can't work for, my mother is extremely manipulative and I feared that she would put R in the middle.  That the safest course of action would be to not work for her.  Apparently R had already given some thought to this, b/c she had a whole list of excuses ready to tell Mom: it's too far, gas is too expensive, it would only be for a couple of hours per week, etc.  Kudos to her. 

So that's one problem resolved.

[moglow]

The good thing about it is that R was very uncomfortable with the situation, and wanted my opinion.  I told her that while I don't have the right to tell her who she can and can't work for, my mother is extremely manipulative and I feared that she would put R in the middle.  That the safest course of action would be to not work for her.  Apparently R had already given some thought to this, b/c she had a whole list of excuses ready to tell Mom: it's too far, gas is too expensive, it would only be for a couple of hours per week, etc.  Kudos to her.  (https://outofthefog.net/forum/Smileys/default/cool.gif)

So that's one problem resolved.

Liking the sound of this at least, that R gets it [as much as anyone can] and seems to be preparing an exit plan. As long as she realizes she's also likely to get a shitton of excuses and guilt trips as part of that exit, and NEITHER of you are responsible for that.

Elderly struggling kitty ... I'm guessing your mother isn't providing anything towards his care and now considers him yours? Do you have funding to see this through? I guess what I'm asking is about his quality of life at this point and if you can sustain him plus your own elder kitty.

[foobarred]

Thanks, moglow.  Yeah, it's a tough decision.  Had emergency vet trip #3 Thursday, hospitalized and came home yesterday.  Ultrasound -> thickened intestinal walls, consistent with either inflammatory bowel disease, or lymphoma.  Nasty shock - I thought it was just some GI bug.  A biopsy would've made sure, but well beyond my price point after paying the hospital costs.

Sigh...  Trialling steroids, but he looks poorly today.  At least he ate the other cat's food, although he wouldn't touch his own.  I think he did it just for the principle of the thing.  My back is wrecked, and I can't do much more cat wrangling.  Really struggling with finding a balance between what's best for him, what's best for me, and what I can afford.  He's a sweetheart and a trooper - I want to fight for him, yanno?  But I don't want to make him suffer trying to postpone the inevitable.  I just... don't know.

And no, not planning to ask uPDMom for reimbursement.  I can just imagine the gloating - "Ha!  Less than three weeks on her own and she's already begging me for money!"  Anyway, she would have just euthanized the cat as soon as he became a hassle, so the idea of spending money on vet bills is foreign to her.  Maybe she knew he was ill and that's why she dumped him.