I can't believe this

[Adria]

I don't know what is wrong with my daughter.  She says she has unforgiveness and resentment towards me that I can never know why or I cannot apologize enough for. Yet, on the other hand, she says she loves me and wants to have a good relationship.  That leaves me always subject to her terrible mood swings, one minute Heidi and the other minute some hateful person that punishes me for offenses unknown. 

I've been sick for two days trying to work things out with her to no avail. 

So this morning I called her and said, "You can't have it both ways. You don't get to hate me on one hand and love me on the other. You don't get to hold things I don't know about over my head. I can't be in a relationship like that. So, dh and I will be moving back up north in the fall." I got no response from her. She sat cold as a stone. Nothing. 

This is what my family of origin did to me. Made my life unbearable so I left the state. Now my daughter.  I don't even know how to process this. I don't know what to do.

[Boat Babe]

I am holding you in my heart Adria. This is heartbreaking. Wishing you clarity and, eventually, equanimity.

[Adria]

BoatBabe,

I just now got a text with her all of a sudden saying she's reading books, watching self help vides, going to a counselor, calling a doctor, etc.  She always pushes us to a breaking point and then back peddles. Then things just go back to how they always are. 

She did this one too many times. Dh and I are driving up north tonight to go look at a house.  We aren't going to wait until Fall. It's sureal.  We are both walking around hardly able to think.  The sooner we get away, the better.   

[notrightinthehead]

Adria , self help books and videos without changes in behaviour mean nothing.  The mere expression of a willingness to change does not mean a change has happened.
You are hurting and I am so sorry. I would feel so confused if someone told me that they feel resentful and can not tell me why. What is the point of that?
Sending you a big hug!

[Adria]

Thank you Notrightinthehead.

You are right.  That's what's getting me.  I cannot understand why she just can't tell me how I offended her. Dh says she can't because I didn't, but I don't know.  She swings back and forth so much that my head is spinning, but I think she likes it that way.