Not falling for that one!

[Cat of the Canals]

I haven't spoken to PDmom in a month, and given the current events in US politics, I know she's surely whipped into a frenzy. I said to my husband yesterday, "There's no way I'm talking to her for at least a week."

So you can guess who called today. 

I didn't answer. I have no desire to hear her go on about it and offer her weird, melodramatic "apologies" (the only kind she ever offers). I'M SO SORRY THIS IS THE WORLD WE'RE LEAVING YOU. *barf*

The funny part is that since we haven't talked in a month, you'd think there'd be plenty of other things to discuss, but I know it'd be non-stop doom and gloom from her, and I just CAN'T. Sorry, not sorry. 

[OutlawSally]

Good on you for screening that call until things settle down a bit (who knows how long that might take...).

How are you supposed to react to a fauxpology about the state of the world?

"Mum, next time make a better choice for Supreme Court justice! How COULD you make those nominations? You MUST have been able to tell what would happen! Grr. I'm so mad at you and your apology is not accepted".

[Sneezy]

I hear you, Cat - I don't want to talk to anyone yet, least of all my mother.  She is very impressionable and will just parrot whatever the last person she spoke to said, anyway.  And I really don't want to know what the 90-year old man across the hall thinks about the state of our country.  Mom thrives on drama and gloom and divisiveness and I just can't right now.

[Cat of the Canals]

How are you supposed to react to a fauxpology about the state of the world?

I know, right? This, again, was something I considered normal behavior for many years until I came Out of the FOG and then it was like, "What am I supposed to say to that?" I mentioned it to my brother and SIL, thinking they must hear it all the time since they live near her, and they said she never says stuff like that to them. Another special thing she reserves for me, I guess. 

She is very impressionable and will just parrot whatever the last person she spoke to said, anyway.  And I really don't want to know what the 90-year old man across the hall thinks about the state of our country. 

Sounds like my MIL. She can be for something one day and against it the next, and I think it's entirely dependent on whoever she heard talking loudest about it most recently. 

[sunshine702]

I try to make a joke when lines like that come up - yeah that world when it hasn't had it's nap it is quite a bear.

She doesn't laugh but moves on usually

[Cat of the Canals]

I'm going to try to remember that, sunshine702. Mine won't laugh either, but she'll know her bit of drama didn't "land."

I'm still avoiding her and extra glad because I talked to my brother today, and apparently he (with mostly good intentions) stirred up an old hornet's nest. One of the biggest fights my parents ever had was because enDad wanted to buy a particular object -- let's say for the sake of anonymity that it was a rare vintage moped that was in rough shape, but he's a tinkerer and wanted to restore it and get it running himself. It was for sale for cheap, and money wasn't an issue.

enDad: I'm going to buy this moped.
PDmom: I don't like that idea.
enDad: But it's cool and rare and I'm going to fix it up.
PDmom: Well, I'll never ride on it!
enDad: OK. If that's what you want.
PDmom: And the KIDS will never ride on it, either!
enDad: That's fine, too.
PDmom: Don't you dare buy that moped!

Cue big, massive fight #1.

So enDad ends up secretly buying the moped and storing it at his friend's house. This was kept a secret for some time, but eventually PDmom found out about it.

Cue an even BIGGER fight. This might have been one of the times that PDmom stormed out of the house and disappeared for a few days. I was probably eight or nine at the time, and most of their fights from back then kind of bleed together.

A few years pass, and enDad can't store the moped at his friend's house any longer, so he sneaks it to our house and parks it across the street in a neighbor's unused second driveway. It takes a while for PDmom to notice and this results in massive fight #3. Any time she is reminded of the moped's presence, there is another fight.

Fast forward to more recent years. My brother buys a house nearby with decent acreage and enDad moves the moped there. Brother is currently building an outbuilding where the moped is currently parked and asks enDad to move it. He moves it somewhere more visible on the property, which means PDmom sees it for the first time in 6 years and the games begin again. This time, they start triangulating my brother. My dad is saying, "Boy, it'd be great to be able to finally work on the moped." and mom is saying, "Gee, I notice the moped is in full view of the road. Maybe someone will steal it."

Brother thinks that since they are both coming to him and talking about the moped, maybe they are finally ready to discuss it like adults. It has been nearly THIRTY YEARS, for crying out loud. So he sits them down and says, "Can we settle this once and for all and then move on?" EnDad launches into a passionate (albeit melodramatic) speech about how fixing up this moped is his Life's Dream, and it would be so cool to be able to restore it. PDmom goes straight for the jugular and says, "You better hope I die before you, because I will NEVER allow that thing back at my house." When brother says this is unreasonable, she then tries to switch to logistics. "There's nowhere to put it." He points out that there's plenty of room if they get rid of some of the clutter in their driveway. She again goes on the attack and says that they need the driveway for when people visit... because "SOME PEOPLE actually come visit us." I guess this was a backhanded guilt-trip meant to suggest he doesn't visit enough... it apparently doesn't count that they are at HIS house several times a week. 

Anyway, PDmom goes on to repeat that the moped will return to "her" house "over her dead body" multiple times.

Brother and I had a long talk. He was at his wit's end, and I think felt guilty for "stirring things up" but my opinion is that he was set up by both parents to feel responsible to "mediate." He brought up how when PDmom was upset about me moving, she behaved the same way: lashing out at him and everyone, and he kept asking himself, "What does she want me to do?" I told him, "She wanted you to come to me and tell me I was upsetting mom. She wanted you to play 'rescuer' and fix it. It's how we've been trained to deal with all family conflict. To feel like it's our job to fix it."

The silver lining is that I think he is really, truly, finally coming Out of the FOG on a more permanent basis. Fingers crossed it sticks this time.