The Neverending Rollercoaster

[Gettintired76]

  Well Im taking everyone's advice and going incommunicado, she of course started texting as soon as she woke up, I haven't responded, I finally, I dont know I guess my body couldn't hold out anymore, and I just passed out last night, I guess I slept well over 12 hours, she did text me to let me know the kids ate last night thats a thumbs up I suppose. So anyway I all we can do is wait.

[escapingman]

You need to block her. Stop all ways for her to communicate with you. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Don't even give her an option to reach you.

I am 5 weeks in with no contact with my uNPDx and I feel so much better. I can fight. I can think. I can win.

[square]

That's great you're not responding.

To clarify, you need to also block her so you can't read her texts.

She gets to you on those texts. She knows all your buttons. You will be panicking. There is no need to expose yourself to her lies and manipulations.

She will tell you horrors about the children. You won't know lies from half truths (doubt any of it is the full truth). And you can do nothing, that's the thing.

GT, your goal is to, if possible, get the kids. Giving her money cements the kids into her care and keeps them away from you. Every dollar she scams out ofyou is money not going to a lawyer or suitable housing situation. She'll tell you it'sfor the kids but it's not. It's AGAINST the kids. It keeps them trapped. It enables her. It disables you. If the kids are actually going hungry, CPS needsto step in, you buying groceries enables the abuse to continue.

You won't be able to take it. Block her, get away from her, emotionally regroup, get stronger.

She WILL escalate since you've stopped responding - probably today even. Decide right now what you'll do.

If she knocks at your door.
If she calls your sister or someone else.
... However she usually exerts her power over you, decide right now that you will not engage. Don't answer the door. Call the police and cite the No Contact order. Tell your sister thanks but no thanks you don't want any messages passed along. If your sister says "but the kids are in hospital/in jail/starving/injured" tell sis to call CPS because you are legally barred from contact and can do nothing.

[Gettintired76]

You both are absolutely right, and yes she will escalate she calls every phone in the house, texts messenger phone my cellphone, then all of my sisters cellphones then house phone, she knows better then to have her hubby drive over here. Its hard to disregard my children's' needs its ingrained in me, but I also know she uses that against me. My attorney is waiting for the judge to call him back on next steps in that dept. And good note, I believe I have s job, go Tuesday to finalize my paperwork. After that sleep I feel more refreshed then I have in weeks.

[square]

Awesome news on the job!!!

Remember, you are NOT disregarding your children's needs.

What they NEED is to escape the abuse they are suffering.

When your ex manipulates and lies, she frames it as your children's needs. But YOU know what they need, and it's not to continue being stuck in this hell.

Accepting your ex's control over you
- upsets you
- makes you feel powerless
- weakens your will to fight
- makes it hard to work
- drains your financial resources
- increases the possibility you'll make a mistake (miss a court date due to her lies, etc)
- keeps you in contempt of court order and weakens your legal position
- keeps you from attaining proper housing to show yourself as able to take the children

Furthermore
- enables her to keep and abuse/neglect the children

You are NOT disregarding the children - and she will say you are. It's manipulation. SHE is disregarding the children and USING you.

Yes, they ARE your responsibility, and the best thing you can do is stop financing and otherwise enabling their abusers (her and stepfather), block her access to you, heal, and put your focus into working, saving, getting quality legal represenation, and suitable housing.

If anything anybody writes you strikes you as useful, print it out and reread it every time your landline rings, your sis texts, etc.

Oh, and if your mother is ok with silencing the house phone for today or a few days, do it.

[Gettintired76]

Agreed, and just curious, what of the court constantly validating her?

[square]

I don't know, it's a terrible thing. But the court says no contact. Contact will not help your position with the court. Getting out from under her abusive control, healing, thinking for yourself, and implementing a plan is what gives you the best possible chance. We're all pulling for you and the kids.

[Gettintired76]

Thank you and yes its an awful feeling, my worst fear realized the prospect of being punished for a crime I didnt commit or wasn't committed in the first place.

[Gettintired76]

Ok now, I just found out, it goes into effect tomorrow, in my state it will no longer be up to an appeals judge to take a case they will now take all cases, so I guess wish me luck on my appeal?

[square]

Oh wow okay. Yes indeed best of luck.

[Gettintired76]

I plan to appeal the living shit out of them

[square]

YEAH

[Gettintired76]

The first 4th of July/birthday Ive missed with my daughter, it kills that I had to promise that child everyday that I would never leave her, and my very own "HOME" state that's forcing me to.

[square]

How has NC been going, any complications?

[Gettintired76]

She's trying desperately to make contact leaving messages that I obviously dont care about my kids especially our daughter, same shit different day, but it is what it is. I have a video conference Wednesday with a lawyer who specializes in CPS cases. So we will see where that goes, but frankly I'm losing hope, everything is going exactly as she warned the entire time we were together, and she is gloating big time that she's getting her way.

[Gettintired76]

She has known all along that any thing I said would be disregarded, evidences ignored.

[square]

Keep trying to block all communication. Delete messages without listening. You can't build hope back up with her voice in your ear.

[Gettintired76]

Very true

[square]

She's not leaving you those messages to be helpful. She's trying to control you for her own sick goals.

[Gettintired76]

I know all to well