In-laws coming for an extra day

[WinterStar]

My husband's parents are planning a visit to see us this summer. Since our last kid, we don't have a spare bedroom, so they're staying at a hotel. We all agreed on a weekend that worked on both sides. My husband said we could visit from Thursday through Sunday. My MIL (unPD) said she wanted to stay through Monday. Husband said we have a busy day on Monday, so we would like to keep the visit to Sunday.

Well, she booked the flight and will be here on Monday. I know my husband, and I'm sure he wasn't forceful about it, but he said Thursday to Sunday is what worked for us. So it's a complete overstep of boundaries. She just didn't  listen at all. And I'm so ridiculously mad about it. It colors the whole trip for me. If it were up to me, I would have told them we wouldn't visit at all on Monday, but my husband doesn't want to handle it that way. Just seems like he's teaching her to just ignore what he says.

Any advice on what you would do in this situation?

[square]

I would personally try to be gone on Monday, unless what you're busy with is at home.

If at home, then I'd say to my husband he'll need to meet with them elsewhere - their hotel, restaurant, park, mall, whatever. Because you have stuff to do.

Personally, I'd be willing to have a fight over it (and I hate those) but that's just me. NO, you're not controlling him because you're not saying he can't see them. BUT you made it clear you're busy, he cannot overrule and control YOU, so he'll just have to visit elsewhere if he plans on visiting at all on Monday.

[Cat of the Canals]

PDmil pulled the exact same move last time they visited. Husband said 4 days, she booked SIX. She said they would take the first day to "get settled in," the implication being that they wouldn't expect us to visit that day. I LOLed when my husband repeated it with such hopeful optimism. Guess who called us an hour after getting to her hotel and invited herself over?

I agree with square. Do whatever you have to do on Monday and then some. If you're out at a dentist's appointment or running errands, get dinner for yourself and run a few MORE errands. If you have kids, I was going to suggest taking them with you, but it might be better to let your husband handle the kids AND the in-laws all by himself.

I capitulated WAY too much during their last visit, and it left me feeling angry and annoyed. Mostly at myself, because I know I'm responsible for my own boundaries. I refuse to do that again. I let myself backslide into all my old bad doormat habits. No more. I told my husband last time that I wanted until the early afternoon to ourselves on the days we didn't have something scheduled with his parents. He kept saying it was fine for them to come over at 11-12. This time around, he can do whatever he wants, but I'm also going to do what I want. And what I want is to not spend 8 straight hours with his parents for the better part of a week.

And you know what's funny? Over the years, the stronger my boundaries have gotten, the more it seems to motivate my husband to strengthen his.

[NarcKiddo]

I would stick to the busy day on Monday they have already been told of and not arrange to see them at all. If your husband wants to see them, that's his business. If he wants to make some sort of point that they have overstepped but is not prepared to refuse a visit on the Monday he could always say something like "We told you we were busy Monday. WinterStar has kindly arranged to take on some of the stuff I was doing so I can see you for a coffee/quick lunch or whatever but this means WinterStar is completely snowed under and will not be around." If you really don't want to see much of them you could even stretch this excuse into another day of him seeing them but you not having to.

[Cat of the Canals]

If you really don't want to see much of them you could even stretch this excuse into another day of him seeing them but you not having to.

"Gee, I was so busy yesterday, I think I'm going to need a nice long nap today!"