What things you noticed that were odd while raising a sociopath/psychopath?

[TodayZZ]

Hi I'm new here so I'm not sure how any of this works so forgive me if I'm doing this wrong.
My child is an adult now. They are working as a professional. We are estranged. Pretty sure they are a sociopath/psychopath. I'm wondering what others noticed while raising their kid with this. Or does another post like this exist so I can check it out?
Here are a few things I noticed.
Empathy disappeared at a young age. I suspect something traumatizing happened.
Harming family pets. Couldn't trust them alone with family pets.
Pathological lying.
Incredible con artist even when young they learned to successfully lie and con all adults.
They didn't seem to understand how feeling or love works on any level.
Caught them practicing human emotions in the mirror several times, trying to laugh and cry on cue, studying themselves in the mirror while practicing.
Practising gaslighting on people around them as they grew.
Gaslighting more and more as they grew. They seemed to lie, con and study everyone around them, see how much they could get away with. They were successfully conning everyone.
They didn't understand socializing with other Kids or teens very well.
Intense hateful jealousy of others.
Talked about going to prison some day.
We worried about them being a danger to us while we slept.
Because they are such incredible con artists, as a child and teen they were successfully conning adults in positions of power, teachers, principals, physicians, etc.
I worry about when they have children.
What did you notice raising someone who's a sociopath/psychopath?

[Starboard Song]

Welcome. I am sorry this got overlooked for a while and I hope you see this.

First things first: check out our Toolbox, in particular the Top 100 Traits. It is nice to see this and know we are not alone. You have an uncommon issue, and the challenge must be tremendous. I regret that nobody was able to chime in with a common experience, but my heart goes out to you.

[Stepmom]

Wow. Reading everything you wrote is exactly what I’ve been dealing with. We have a 13 year old daughter full time (my husbands child). All the behaviours you pointed out every one of them is her. It has been so hard because my husband doesn’t see it. And he enables with his rose Coloured glasses on. I point things out and he tells me he doesn’t see it as her being mean or like she doesn’t care.
No empathy
Abusive to our animals (not severely but constant)
Lying about silly things
Claiming to already know things you are trying to inform her about
Never admitting fault or accepting responsibility for poor action
Almost impossible to apologize and never with sincerity
Putting down siblings or anyone really in a sly or back handed comment way
No tears when crying
No sympathy for other or if she hurts feelings
Knows how to manipulate each person individually to her benefit
If I ask her to do something she does everything but what I asked her to do just to get a rose from me
If we catch a lie she twists and lies more to excuse or reason the first lie making you think you didn’t catch her red handed
Very jealous
Hard time keeping any friends
As a step mom it’s even harder when my husband doesn’t see these as hard wired issues. He thinks she is great cause she does well in school. Her behaviour doesn’t bother him usually and she has always clearly been his favourite child from the start. But his older daughter also has extreme emotional outbursts. Opposite to the younger child who snickers in a corner.
But he also comes from an extremely enabling family so it’s hard for him to hold his own kids accountable for anything because he had no rules growing up.
Also the mother of both children have significant pd issues as well (undiagnosed I’m told but obvious)
Anyway thought I’d respond to your post. I feel lost with her 90% of the time now. I find myself avoiding her to prevent myself from getting angry or saying something negative or just going mad.

I thought maybe this was malignant narcissism. Could this be psychopathic traits?

I know she is too young to diagnose but it’s just been so hard. I’ve been in her life for eleven years.
I love this little girl so
Much she is beautiful and funny and so smart. I just want a future for her.

Thanks for sharing

[Leonor]

Hello dear parents,

My heart goes out to both of you so.

If I may, I would very gently suggest that step families are very complex and that regardless of the reasons or intentions involved, children often manifest the anguish and pain of the adults in the family, in addition to each other's and their own. They are like little antennas that channel all the stress and upset even as the adults are doing their best to keep them safe and calm.

I think there is also a significant difference between psychopathy and trauma responses. Both if you mention some serious trauma, the original post contains an off-handed mention that "something traumatic happened." What might have happened? What makes you suspect this is so? Who was in your child's life at that time? Where were you at that time? Has this possible trauma ever been addressed? Why was this trauma not addressed at the time? Why is this less important than lying? What is the real lie being told here?

And for stepmom, you are not in an enviable position. You have a motherless teenage daughter in your house, which she has to share with her daddy and her daddy's girlfriend (sounds cruel, but this is how step parents seem to kids of divorce no matter how long you've been in their lives. It's not accurate or fair, but it's not up to the child to be "more fair" or insightful than the adults in her life.)

I'm hearing a bit of resentment creep into this post, too -- you claim to love this little girl (and, at 13, she is a little girl) so much but then accuse her of intentionally plotting and sowing division between you and your husband. You claim to have been there for her but then disparage her mother with an insinuation that she has somehow inherited a personality disorder, like a "bad seed." And then you pit yourself against her in your relationship with the man of the house. And then label her, with no diagnosis whatsoever, as a sociopath.

Maybe she is defying you, baiting you, disrespecting you. Maybe she is throwing her repressed anger and grief over her mother onto you. Maybe she is actively trying to get daddy on "her side" and maybe she would really prefer if you packed up and left.

So what? She's 13. She's a baby. You are the adult, and you are the woman in her life. You took this girl in as your own when you married her father. She could barely walk when you walked down the aisle. You married into this relationship, and you are going to have to be a model and coach and soft place to land, not a disciplinarian or prosecutor.

The abuse of animals, other children, and physical harm to you is very concerning. That is a safety issue, and if it is a concern, it requires a specialized treatment with an experienced and knowledgeable professional who is board certified and reputable for psychopathy and family therapy. All of these behaviors are symptoms of a more serious problem, not grounds for frustrated parents to seek sympathy online by throwing around words like "sociopath" in reference to their minor children.

Please seek professional help for you and your family's health and wellness.