GC sister banned me from her daughter's wedding, now asking for my help WTH?

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I do not understand this behavior from my sister. To me, it shows zero sense of one's own impact on others.  It shows entitlement to demand my time and attention. It shows endless need for drama. I think there must be more, but that is all I can come up with right now. 
   
I have been NC with my sister nearly four years. I blocked her from my phone, email and from my husband's contacts as well. In those four years we have had two points of contact. One was when elderly parents had a "health emergency" and I reluctantly re-engaged with her for a short time, but went back to NC.  More recently a few months ago she sent an invitation to her daughter's wedding and I accepted just to be there for my niece. Sister quickly texted me through her daughter's phone saying in order to attend the wedding, I must "make amends" to her immediately or be uninvited. I just never replied, and did not go to that wedding but sent a gift directly to the bride. It was a gift that went unacknowledged and I never received a thank you note. I found it all appalling, but not surprising. It has been silence until today. 
       
My husband called while he was at work stating my sister was texting him that our parents had not been answering their phone. She was worried and wanted someone to stop by their house or she was going to call the police to do a welfare check. I do know how her messages got through to my husband, but he knows not to reply to her. He just called so I could decide what I wanted to do with my parents. My sister did this same routine last year, but I never answered her messages and my parents ended up being at their neighbor's house.
   
I am not going to contact my sister. I just spoke to my parents a few days ago. I will reach out to them, but have no immediate concern for their safety. My question is, after my sister banned me from her daughter's wedding and did not acknowledge my gift - how can she think she had not acted offensively? How could she think I would jump to her request? Actually, she did not contact me and just contacted my husband which is also not appropriate.
     
My silence and disengagement do not stop her from reaching out over and over about some new drama. If I got this right, she is using my lack of reaction to tell others how uncaring I am. Has this just become a source for juicy gossip that goes unchallenged and is too good to quit?

[moglow]

I'd be mighty tempted to respond with: Do whatever you feel is needed but don't contact me again.


I know, no good deed goes unpunished and all that but no. You're not at her beck and call, none of you are. You want a welfare check? Make it happen and leave us out of it.


I think you're right - she's painting herself as all concerned and you're the bad guy refusing to cooperate. Okay. She'll survive. Let's face it, she's gonna say what she wants regardless.


Do not engage.

[Andeza]

Yeah there's no point poking the bear. No good comes of it. It's possible she gets supply off smearing you to others, but it's also possible she thinks if long enough passes between each point of attempted contact that you'll forget you're upset and everything will go back to how she wants it. No, it doesn't make sense, but it's exactly how some pwPDs operate.

[notrightinthehead]

It's so hard to give up the wish to understand others. It goes against our grain - normal people want to bond and be close to others and therefore we want to understand. That's why any communication from your sister probably makes you spend more time and energy thinking about it, calming down the emotional turmoil it causes within you, than it does her. She might have been just bored and thought - let me tickle blueberry pancakes a bit and see if I can make her cry...
Whatever the reason your sister does what she does, I am sorry she can still have that effect on you.  Please continue to work on your healing that in the end she no longer can trigger you and you remain completely calm, serene, and unaffected by whatever signal she sends.

[moglow]

One thought - it may honestly not occur to her that there's anything wrong between you or the damage she's done. Shes just continuing on as normal for her, disregarding everything and everyone but her need of the moment. That said, even if you called her on it she'd likely either deny or get all defensive.

Md usually operated that way, burn everything down around her then out of the blue make contact like all is well. Confront her and another meltdown ensued immediately; play along to avoid same and she'd bring it up later anyway [plus how it was all somebody else's fault and shes just a victim].


I'm just now reaching the point where her mads aren't mine, not to absorb or fix or even figure out. I do think a lot of md comes down to insecurities that she never learned to deal with. She attacks to make others look bad, and that way she never has to face herself. She's *deeply* angry for some reason, probably because no one puts up with her billshit anymore. Life didn't turn out at all as she expected - it doesn't occur to her, that was her job all along. And she failed.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thank you Moglow, Andeza and Notright.  All that you said makes sense. 

I have peace and calm without her in my life. It gets disrupted upon any communication from her. It feels like harassment. I feel targeted. I get a visceral wrench feeling in my gut. I feel like there is no safe place and nobody stops her. I recognize familiar feelings from childhood. Now however, I just do not engage.   
 
It has gotten better since I have been educating myself and taking steps for self-care. Just being able to recognize the dysfunction that I think I see in others, and not thinking it is mine, makes me feel removed and safer.   

Oh, by they way, parents are just fine. I knew it.   

[nanotech]

There's a safe place and it's in non contact.
With my Nsister, I think of her as 'someone I used to know'
Thank you, guitarman for that recommendation.  Simple, yet brilliantly helpful.
Your sister has tried to lure you back in, using this wedding. She failed and you won out. You handled it perfectly.
Never mind  about  the non -acknowledgment of your gift. It's likely another effort to tempt you back into contact. Sister wants you to wonder about it. It might make you contact her?
We ache for them to behave normally. Wedding invitation - YEH! Then the conditions came! MEH!
They know how to do it , how to behave like regular families at first, but it's learned behaviour, it isn't innate. So it gets twisted. It's a cover for the dysfunctional stuff. It's actually a vehicle for the dysfunctional stuff!
We think we're happily chasing a white rabbit in the sunshine, then suddenly find ourselves DROPPED into a cold, damp dark rabbit hole with no way out.  That's the visceral gut wrench you feel. I've had it too.
After years of it, we finally move away to a safe place.  We find our way out with tools/ boundaries/ NC - then they accuse US of the unnatural behaviour. 🤣 Of course they do!
She's now trying the 'ill parents' tactic, because one time that did work. 
She's also trying to enlist your husband  as a flying monkey - it's so unpleasant, and aimed to create guilt in you and try to shame you into resuming contact and resuming scapegoat duties!
I've  had this happen too. My Ndad trying to go through my husband.  My Nbrother tried to go through my daughter!  The latter was dressed up as 'concern' for my state of mind! I'd just ( calmly and politely) told him that I was going no contact with him on texts. He seldom texted, no brotherly chit chat ever, he would ghost my texts. When he did text, they were consistently laced with passive aggressive abuse, designed to press my FOG buttons. Thrg wee more like statements, not a conversation. He would usually ghost my replies.
I told him we were each on our own paths and I was now embracing healthy, close relationships only.  His rapid reply was  a furious, ranting  message back, which, as promised, I didn't answer. He waited an hour then he texted my daughter with a completely different tone, to tell her he was 'worried', suggesting I must be losing my mind! It's just appalling!  Fortunately my husband is aware of the shenanigans.
You're doing so well.
Weddings/ functions are often used as covert weapons. Awful, but true!
The other biggie is the  'concern' for  old parents.  They'll use what they can. We can't control that but we can begin to chuckle at it when we see it!