UNPD Sister put spyware on aging mother’s phone

[enclavenormals]

Hi all,

Long time reader, first time poster. I see so many of you dealing with very similar issues and it's been invaluably helpful to keeping my sanity. Thank you for sharing your stories.

I have one older sister who definitely has issues, based on what I've seen here and observed, likely uNPD. She is very explosive and irresponsible with her life, especially financially. I have been little to no contact with my sister for years.

She has been extremely verbally abusive toward our aging mother, badgering her for her inheritance early. I've encouraged my mom to go no contact, but it has been difficult. My mom started the process and my sister ended up putting a spyware app (think like what parents may put on a child's phone) on our mom's phone to keep tabs on her. This allowed her to have independent access to everything on the phone: email, messages, passwords, bank and credit card apps.

We figured it out when my sister had knowledge of goings-on of which she should have no knowledge.

I've since cleaned up the phone and changed passwords.

What the heck!?! Pretty sure that is illegal, but not necessarily looking to cause more trouble and not sure we could prove it. No one really wants to confront my sister either, not sure anything will change or stop this behavior.

Feeling pretty defeated and not sure how to help my mom.

[guitarman]

Welcome. You are not alone.

I've heard of people doing this to their estranged partner as a stalker to find out what they are up to, but not their mother.

What a huge invasion of her privacy.

I'm sure it must be illegal doing it without the person's consent. It goes against all the data protection and privacy legislation.

Now you can't ever trust your sister again. She seems to have a huge entitlement to do anything that she wants, to get what she wants. You will have to keep track of your mother's finances all the time to make sure everything is OK.

You may like to follow the author and counsellor Kris Godinez on YouTube. She specialises in Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and shows how targets of abuse can cope better.

Her YouTube channel is called "We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez". I have learnt a lot from her and make sure to watch her videos regularly.

She has talked about this issue in the past.

Abusers are all about power and control. What your sister did was abuse. Your family need to recognise it for what it is.

If your mother is vulnerable you may need to contact your local safe guarding team and get them involved. I've had experience of them when my uBPD/NPD sister became abusive towards our mother.

Keep calm. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep posting.

[Frustrated Guy]

While I dont believe my adult Narc sis has installed spyware on my elderly mother's phone they live next door to one another and I know she intercepts messages (she has explicitly told me so and raged about messages I have sent). Ironically the message was intended to help my Narc-sis but was somehow misinterpreted. This was a huge boundary and privacy violation.

I can't imagine intentionally installing spyware though, that's a whole other level.