Clarity's feeling pretty good, today

[gfuertes]

Last week, my ex wasn't keeping track of his schedule well, and missed mediation, his entire weekend parenting time, and some weekday time.  I had already spent time putting the parenting time, at least, on a shared calendar.  And it's not my job to keep track of our court case for him.  He's the one who prompted me to file when I did, because he kept meanly threatening that I'd better get an attorney, because he was going to take me to court, and he seemed to think I ought to be scared of what would happen to me there.  I guess he didn't think I'd call his bluff, and file myself.

Anyway, he is rightly upset with himself because skipping parenting time right before you go to court to ask for *more* of it is not exactly wise.  And skipping court-ordered mediation just affirms for the judge that you're not reliable - which is what I'll be saying about him.  But naturally he can't be angry with himself, because he is superior to everyone.  So he needs to be angry with me.

It is his part of the summer, meaning I get the parenting time schedule he gets during the school year.  But he works normal business hours, and I work from home.  So he's been dropping off our teenager at my house on his way to work, and picking him up on his way home.  I'm pretty sure that makes him look good, not bad.  He's cooperating and prioritizing our son's needs over being possessive and not wanting to give me extra time.  But now that he skipped parenting time, he wants to bend over backward to create the false appearance that he's more available for parenting time than he is.  Yet, I assume he can't keep taking time off work. 

So last night he told me he'd work normal hours and leave our son with me, as usual.  Then this morning, he changed his mind and said he's going in late, and driving our son to his summer class, himself, but our son would be with me after class.  Then an hour before class ended he decided to take off early and pick up our son directly after his class.  I responded that it was his prerogative, since it's his parenting time, but that it's inconsiderate to both son and me, for him to keep announcing this stuff at the last minute; that he is capable of planning his time, and communicating more in advance, so Son and I can also plan ours.

He responded with the predictable bragging about the crazy-stressful importance of his job and how impossible it is for him to know ahead of time what immense demands will be placed on him, at any given hour; "LOL"s about how stupid, small, and easy my life and concerns are; how incompetent I am; and that I'm incapable of understanding the kind of responsibilities he has.

It is sad that this stuff really used to make me feel humiliated, like I just wanted to cease to exist - back when I was living with him, and just hours before he might have spoken as though I was the love of his life and where did I want him to take me out to eat, that night?  He really got a lot of mileage, and managed to deflect a lot of criticism about his own shortcomings, with that crap.

Now, it's so easy to see it for what it is:  He knows he didn't stay on top of things.  He's not good at that.  He used to depend on me, for that.  But he didn't treat me decently, and now he doesn't have me anymore.  And he's getting older, and less attractive, and it's harder for him to find someone like me, to fill that space... to make his life more important than her own.  And he doesn't know how to recover, and avoid having to admit, in court, that although he WANTS 50-50 parenting time, he does not have a life - nor does he step up to the plate and cover the parenting responsibilities - that would make that schedule reasonable.  And he doesn't have any inner resources to make himself feel better, besides childishly insisting that he's more important than I am, so he ought to be able to be as inconsiderate as he wants, and I should put up and shut up.  But I see through him.

[notrightinthehead]

Good for you! Congratulations on staying calm and co-operative. Create facts that will make you look good at the courts.