How to cut off a sibling without losing parents

[Seeking directions]

Oh my gosh I am exhausted. My sister who is a UnD narcissist was not allowed to be in my wedding that was over 6 months ago. This was due to her making inappropriate comments at my engagement party and honestly our whole childhood she was always mean and made everything about herself. So yesterday I went to visit with my parents and my sisters husband was just straight mean. Wouldn't talk to me, walked out of every room I was in. If I was in a conversation with my sister he would come in and say something snarky in order to end any conversation even if it was a healthy one. Well when I was leaving I was talking to me mother about how he was being a dick and she said that a lot of stuff went down around my wedding that we need to sit and talk about. Well I put a boundary up when I made the discussion to not have her in my wedding that we weren't going to talk about it. So my mom made excuses for his behavior all because I hurt my sisters feelings over 6 months ago. They know why she wasn't allowed to be in my wedding party. Plus she attending my wedding in all black and left right after the ceremony.. I want to cut her off because I cannot do anything right within that relationship however I know when I do that I will lose my mom because my mom always sides with her. I am so lost and hurt. I haven't stopped crying because I don't understand how they cannot accept one decision about a day that is meant to be about me. If they cannot accept this decision I don't get to have a family?

[Amy-Rose]

I have completely been there with my sister. From my grandparents it was all my fault because I went limited contact with her. Every time he'd manipulate me back to her. It would be great for a while, then she'd begin turning me and our mum against each other and drama, drama, drama. The family were her flying monkeys. So I made the final decision to cut her and go no contact all together. I lost my family. All I had was my mum who also went no contact. Our lives have been great ever since. She tried endlessly for a year to wiggle back in with no luck from either of us, then we got rage and threats, then total silence. It's been amazing. No drama. No problems. Nothing. I lost my family but all they did was enable her. I lost them but got my sanity and life back.

It's a hard call and I feel for you so much. Think about it. Would limited contact be better with your sister. Tolerate her at family occasions, give her a wide birth and don't talk about her with family in any way. I wish I could say something more helpful. She's all ready managing to make your day a drama about her. If you can, stick to your guns. You day will be just as amazing without them if you let it be.

[moglow]

Seeking direction, hello and welcome! I'm not going to play this down or pander to anyone but seriously? Your sister and/or mother feels there should be "a discussion" because you didn't have her as a bridesmaid? What, like you're 12 and she was left out of a slumber party??

Apparently you're not close and never have been everyone knew that already. It's no secret. Did you have everyone in both families *but* her, and she feels somehow shamed by your statement that you're just not that close? How could this possibly be a surprise to her, a disappointment?

Even knowing all the underlying currents and animosity, what if you talked to mother and played what I call "dumb and happy"? You're pleasant and have no comments, but are willing to listen. No apologies, other than you're sorry your sister is somehow upset over it. No explanation, excuses etc, just hear her/them out.


Gray rock the hell out of it. It's done. You're married, had a lovely time and from what you've been told others did as well. Oh she wore black? Maintain that you hadn't really paid attention other than to the pictures, caught up in the wedding celebration and new married life and all. You hurt her feelings and she can't move past it? That's unfortunate, I hate that for her. Or maybe, based on her comments/actions at the engagement party you came to the obvious conclusion that she wasn't interested and carried on without her. Was there something more, something you missed?

Here's the thing - you made a decision that was right for you. You don't have to apologize and you certainly can't turn back time. She can hold a grudge forever or move past it, and thats her choice. You're not angry and don't understand why others might be - this isn't new for her, after all

You refusing to response emotionally may be able to diffuse it, at least eith your mother. Sister may want a big dramatic scene that would still change nothing for anyone. If she just wants to be heard, maybe hear her out if you want. Grit your teeth and listen [or don't], but don't let her or anyone else drag you backwards through the briars over this.


If this is the hill she chooses, so be it. You can still choose to not put mom in the middle. It's not her stuff and you're not children screaming in the other room. If mom chooses sides, that's on her and completely unnecessary.

Does that sound out of line or am I missing something? You don't owe explanations, whatever they may think.